Friends • E.D.

one

I stood under the steaming water, letting it wash over me, my hand pressed against the slick tile shower wall. It was the only thing left grounding me. This was a mistake, all of it, a mistake. We were friends, just friends. Dammit we were just fucking friends, who had just fucked.

This wasn’t right, none of it was. It couldn’t be.

I’d been friends with Ethan almost our whole lives, never once had this ever even been a thought to either of us.

At least, I’d thought so.

Yeah, Ethan was built, and he was incredibly handsome, and incredibly fucking hot.

But we were just friends!

He’d been like a brother to me, always there to comfort me when I needed him.

A shoulder to cry on, a person to rant to.

A person to hold me when no one else could.

And apparently someone to fuck when I felt lonely.

I slicked my wet hair back letting the hot water collide with my face. This changed everything, we would never be the same, I knew this for a fact. How was I even suppose to look at him now, let alone talk to him. I’d seen him in a light I never even imagined, I couldn’t take that back.

It was beautifully burned on my mind...his pulsing muscles, his tense arms, veins pulsing against his skin, his shaky fingers, his body slick and gleaming with sweat, his mouth slightly agape as he panted with each thrust…

Stop!

Stop thinking about it dammit!

But I couldn’t.

I turned off the water and stood dripping with regret. What did he think we were now? Did this mean something to him? Would he ever look at me the same?

What if that’s exactly what he did...treat me just the same, as if nothing had even happened.

Why did the thought of that...hurt me?

Stepping out of the shower, I grabbed a towel and began drying myself. I tied it around my body and as I stepped out of the bathroom I saw Ethan fully clothed sitting on the edge of the bed. He was bent over tying the laces to his blue velvet doc martens, the shadows exaggerating his muscular arms.

My breath caught in my throat.

“You’re leaving?” I asked, unable to move.

Ethan turned to me, his hair still disheveled to hell and back. I remembered how smooth it was between my fingers…

“Um, yeah, unless…” He trailed off, gesturing his hand towards me for a suggestion.

“It’s totally up to you man, I’m not gonna force you to do anything.” I gripped the towel tighter in my hand.

“And you never have.” he smirked, resting his forearms against his thighs.

Fuck.

A part of me wanted him to stay, wanted him to take off his clothes and hop back into bed with me. Lay with me and act like nothing had changed.

“I’m not gonna force myself on you.” he said, his eyes still searching an answer.

“You never have E…” I breathe, switching my weight from one foot to the other. I wasn’t making this any easier.

“So, what should we do?” He asks, and I see his features soften.

He’s just as confused as I am. Does he want me, to want him to stay? Does he even want to stay period? Here? With me?

I shrug, completely at a loss for words.

“Well, I won’t overstay my visit.” He says, getting up from the bed, turning his back towards me and heading straight for the door.

I’m going to kill myself.

“Please stay.” I call, closing my eyes as I say it, as if to make it any easier.

He stands in front of the door, turning his head in my direction. I open my eyes to meet his gaze.

“You sure?” He asks, soft and timid.

I nod, “Yeah.”

A soft smile spreads over his lips as he makes his way towards me. I completely let go of my towel, letting his body become the only thing holding it against me.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to make me stay, you can kick me out at any time and I’ll just leave, promise, it’s no problem.” His fingers slide over my sides, his arms wrapping around me, holding me close to him.

“It seems to me like you want to stay.” I look up at him, resting my hands on his bulging biceps. His face tightens, and he bites his lip as if to hold something back. I raise a curious eyebrow.

“Would you hate me if that was true?”

I watch him as his face starts to grow with worry, afraid he's said too much.

“I’ve never hated you, and I never could.” this had always been true, I could never truly hate him, and I think that was even more impossible after the day’s’ events.

I’d only hate myself.

“Good.” His smile returns.

I start backing away slowly, my fingertips running down his muscular arms, my eyes glued to his. Our hands interlock.

My towel drops in front of me, leaving me exposed in front of him.

“Care to join me this time?” Might as well enjoy the moment while it lasts.

“Wondered when you were gonna ask.” His smile widens and he picks me up, throwing me over his shoulder.

I can hate myself in the morning.