Friends • E.D.

twenty-six

I sat with myself slowly swirling my spoon around and around in my coffee cup. I’d been contemplating for hours now on what to do, what to say, how to do it, and how to say it. How could I truely explain myself so Ethan would understand that I knew what I felt and I wasn’t lying this time.

I felt like such an idiot.

I was such an idiot.

I told Grayson I would fix things, I told him I would fix them today.

See? Stupid.

That was this morning and it was already late afternoon. The most I had accomplished so far was getting dressed.

Maybe I just needed to drive. Drive and drive until I ended up somewhere, wherever my mind wanted to take it. With a sigh I left my seat at the table, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door. I shoved all thoughts from my mind and quickened my pace. I knew if I even stopped or slowed down the slightest bit I’d fuck everything up. I jumped into my car and roared the engine to life, ripping out of the driveway.

As I drove I suddenly found it hard to breathe. I ran a shaky hand through my hair as I felt my throat close and my eyes burn. I pressed my foot harder against the gas, forcing myself to keep going. I couldn’t run away anymore, because the person who I always ran to, was now the one I was running from.

I was tired of running. At some point I had to cross a finish line, I had to find a destination. This drive was the last hundred meter dash, and I was fucking sprinting.