edge

eight

Silence surrounds them both, a certain awkwardness of pause in small talk lingering.

"So...?" Phil says, drawing out the 'oh' sound whilst raising his eyebrows and peering at Dan expectantly.

"So,yes, so, so um... how's life? No that's a shit question to ask... I mean, um... I'm sorry I..." Dan trails off, his cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment as he continues to stumble over each increasingly regret-filled word which escapes him.

"Don't worry about it," Phil shrugs dismissively, concentrating on looking around Dan's bedroom instead.

Phil's eyes pick apart the room, trying to decipher what kind of person Dan is from all the little miscellaneous bits and pieces strewn about. His bed is covered in a black, grey and white checkered duvet with a black bedside table placed beside it. On top of which sits an intricate looking lamp. Fairy lights are strung around the headboard of his bed, however are currently switched off. His shelves are almost overfilling with small, slightly nerdy objects, a plush bulbasaur is balanced on a Rubik's Cube mug which sits on a small pile of anime DVD's.

"You seem to like the colour black," Phil comments, trying not to smile at all the cute objects he spies.

"Yeah, I guess so," Dan says with a light laugh, "it's just simple yet goes with everything, plus it helps you blend in."

"I guess, I do enjoy colours too though," Phil says thoughtfully, "I have a similar duvet actually, except it's green and blue."

"Well, when you think about it, black makes colours brighter," Dan points out as they collectively stare at his bedspread.

"You're a very deep and philosophical person Danny, did you know?" Phil says cheekily, beginning to spin in circles on Dan's desk chair.

"You just stopped me from being deep and philosophical when you called me Danny," Dan replies with a scowl, "please don't call me that ever again, Philly."

"Mmm, touché Danny," Phil says, halting his spinning as he begins to feel slightly dizzy and nauseous, "uh, the world is spinning."

"Wow, who would've thought? The earth spins? No way!" Dan exclaims, tone dripping with false disbelief.

"Haha, very funny," Phil says, deadpan.

The conversation seems to halt after this, silence settling in once again. A question lingers just behind Dan's throat, and he's unsure whether to voice it. After a few moments of eternal debate, he decides to ask.

"So, um, can I ask you something Phil?" Dan says, cautiously and hesitant.

"Um I guess so, what is it?" Phil replies, his bright eyes boring into Dan's.

"Why would you even, y'know. Just... why?"

Phil stops, as if someone has pressed pause on his entire body. He feels his limbs stiffen, his breath catch in his throat and even his heart seems to have joined in on the whole 'hey let's just stop functioning right now' thing. Dan has poked a vulnerable area in Phil's soul and his instinct is to do everything he can to ward of and fight the attack or pain.

"I just... haven't I told you this already?" Phil asks defensively.

"Not really," Dan says with a shrug, "you didn't really explain how you got to... this."

"I just, it's hard to explain. I don't- I-," Phil sighs deeply, placing his head in his hands as he tries to ward of the tears he can feel forming in his eyes, "I don't know how to explain it- and I'm not sure if I can say it out loud."

"Oh," Dan says quietly, "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's... it's okay," Phil says, still not looking up but his hands are now resting on his knees, "I guess you're in your right to ask. After all, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."

"Still, I guess it's not an easy thing to just spill your guts to someone you started talking to a few weeks ago," Dan says with a shrug.

"I'll tell you one day Dan, I can promise you that - it just can't be now," Phil says quietly, head still down as if ashamed, "I need to sort out my own thoughts before I say them."

"I guess that's fair enough," Dan says, "so, are you at least somewhat alright now?"

"As alright as I've been in a while actually," Phil says, finally lifting his head up, "you know, you're one of the best people I've met. You seem to care so much even, if you don't publicly show it that much."

"I mean, I guess the world makes it hard not to care," Dan says, before thinking 'and you don't even know the half of it'.

"Still, the universe needs people who care," Phil says, his blue eyes somehow bright yet sad simultaneously.

And the solar system needs its sun, Dan wants to tell Phil;

but he only says it in his head.

***

oh hi im not dead. I'm sorry this took so long, I was incredibly busy with school and now I'm on summer holidays (whaddup australia) but I've been busy being social and sleeping. hopefully I will update more frequently tho haha.

thanks for reading (if you still do lol) and for being patient, I hope I can deliver haha

(also plllsss check out my other book 'just friends' ^-^)