edge

five

Dan stares at Phil, who's figure is trembling and eyes growing more and more desperate, his gaze flickering between Dan and staring hungrily over the rail at what he wants to be his fate.

"I can't," Dan says, his voice shaking yet his arm remains steady, wrapped around Phil's wrist tightly, securely, like a vice.

"Please Dan, I'm begging you," Phil pleads, still trying to pull his arm free but he's growing more tired with each tug, "I can't- you don't know anything Dan. I need this, I can't do this anymore please don't make me... I just, I need to- GOD DAMN IT PLEASE LET GO DAN!"

Dan shakes his head, feeling his eye begin to ache with tears as he places a second hand on Phil. He can't let him die, he can't. He can't just let him go, not when Phil is one of the few good people left in this collapsing world. It tears him apart to see this; why do good people always seem to feel the most pain?

"Dan I can't do this anymore, don't you get it? Just let me fucking go," Phil yells at Dan, still struggling, trying to edge towards the railing, "please don't take this from me Dan, I'm begging you."

"No Phil! I can't, don't you see? I can't let you go because I care about you! I just gained you as a friend Phil I can't fucking lose you yet," Dan yells back, anger bubbling inside of him, "if you didn't want this to happen you never should have fucking made me your friend because how could you do that to me if you were going to fucking do this anyway? So many people care about you Phil, don't just think of yourself - think of them. And how am I meant to live with myself if I let you die? It would be my fucking fault!"

Phil stands there speechless for a moment, looking at Dan with wide, tear-filled eyes and an expression filled with a mix of guilt, sadness, anger and hurt. Dan looks at Phil, desperate for him to snap out of his mind, and gently tugs him away from the edge. Phil doesn't look desperate anymore, only small, broken, defeated, and Dan can't decide which is worse.

"My life isn't good Dan. I just keep messing up. Every single fucking thing seems to go wrong, the world absolutely despises me and I can't stand this for another second. Don't you see? I can't do this Dan, I tried but I can't," Phil says, still staring at the edge through a window of tears, "I'm so sick of feeling like this. I keep trying, but it's never enough and never will be, I'll never be enough Dan."

"Phil, please... everything will be okay, I promise. Please just don't do this, your life can get better Phil. There's other ways? And I'm not letting you go," Dan says firmly to him, "you can't do this to me. You're enough for everyone around you Phil, believe me."

"Dan I-I-I just can't, please understand. I can't live for someone else, I have to live because I want to. This isn't selfish Dan, I've exhausted my options and I see no other way. Please Dan, please let me go. I'm on the edge of losing it. I can't stand this feeling anymore."

"I CAN'T PHIL!" Dan screams, "I physically can't! You may be on the edge of losing it, but so am I and if I let you go I'll be going down straight after you!"

Then there's a pale fist gripping tightly onto the front of his school shirt, creasing the material as knuckles turn white. Then, Dan is knocked to the ground. He hits the concrete with a sickening thump and feels pain begin to ease it's way in. He's too shocked to do anything, he just stares at Phil with a blurred, dazed gaze. Then Phil is standing in front of him, fear filled eyes flicking from his shaking hands to Dan. He sinks down, his knees taking his weight on the ground and he looks utterly distraught as he stares at Dan and his hands as if they aren't his own.

"I-I'm sorry D-D-Dan," Phil says, his voice trembling along with his whole body, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so-"

Phil's frantic apologies cut off abruptly as Dan leans forward and pulls Phil towards him. He wraps his arms around Phil's body, embracing him in a tight hug. Dan holds Phil's shaking figure close to him, wishing he could shield him from the world forever, from all the sadness. Phil cries into Dan's shoulder, soaking part of his school blazer in tears, but he honestly doesn't mind. Phil is still here, in his arms.

Although he can feel Phil shattering apart, as his body slowly stops shaking and sobs cease, Dan feels a little bit of light return to Phil;

maybe there still is hope to save the sun.