not going to be updating ever

Chapter 6

Still Ashton's POV:

"We've been having relationship trouble recently. I feel like he's cheating on me, I don't want to deceive myself and have to prove myself wrong but I truly think he's cheating on me. Everything he's been doing has been causing me so much stress lately I've been wanting to die. But ever since we talked about eating disorders we havent talked for a little bit over a week. That's when it started. I knew you'd find out eventually but I didn't want to have to hide it from anyone. I don't trust him, Luke. I don't trust my own fucking boyfriend."

"Is that why.. you've been doing this?" He asked me, Well duh, dumbass, why the fuck would I be starting over something that I wanted to quit so badly? Why would I ever fucking do that? so I could get a kick out of having sick pleasure of the feelings he's been fucking cheating on me for a son of a bitch month?

I wish I could've said that. But I didn't.

"Yeah.. He hasn't talked to me ever since... I'm scared and concerned, Luke. What if he's cheating on me? I'd die. I'd want to die." I said, stating the truth that I've been wanting to come out clean for a while.

"The past week? Only the past week." He said.

"No... the past 4 months he's not been himself. I don't know why. It's like he's trying to control me like I'm his toy. I need to stop Luke. and thank you so much for being here for me.. I really.. enjoy your company." I say.

"Ashton.. It's fine.. but please, next time just show me your arms. We'll talk this over later, okay? When I come back in a couple of hours I don't want anymore fresh cuts.. If I do then we'll have an extremely long talk. and I mean bigger than the grand canyon. I swear, Ashton. To everything I own. I do NOT want to see anymore cuts on your arms when I get back." He says, pacing around the room like a fucking dumbass. He then leaves the room. Ugh, Finally.

I finally get to go back to sleep after waking up, him trying to make me show him my cuts, then we talk for hours. I fucking exhausted, dude. I wish I could sleep forever. Could you imagine? Sleeping forever. Sadly, that's fucking impossible in this house. Everyone in this house is either laughing like chewbacca or being extremely loud. It's impossible for me to even sleep for 6 hours with them around. But I am taking this time to finally get to fucking sleep, even if it's only 12 in the afternoon I'm happy as shit! I get under my covers, I sigh in relief from being so comfy.

Knock knock knock.

Are you fucking kidding me? I JUST GOT COMFY, WHY DO YOU HATE ME?

"Come in." I say, imagining it's probably Calum or Michael.

"Hey.. are you okay?" It's Michael. Of course. He seems to always come in at bad times. *cough cough* Like when I'm about to fucking SLEEP.

"Not really. You haven't talked to me for a week, why?" I said, questioning his absence.

"I've been trying to talk to YOU all week, Ashton. You've been ignoring me. Now, whats up?" He asks, I don't know what he's trying to make me answer, I guess he's asking me what's wrong with me. Well, there's a lot wrong with me! I'm a fuck-up, Luke now hates me due to me cutting again, oh, and let's see. I CAN'T TRUST MY OWN FUCKING BOYFRIEND!

"So much trouble has been going on recently... I have been trying to catch up on some extra sleep..." I lie. I feel really bad for lying, that's like, what, the 50th time I've lied in the past 3 hours?

He's now sitting on my bed. Literally grasping my hand. Literally, I feel like my blood circulation is never going to flow again.

But then, of course, he touches one of my cuts. "FUCK!" I yell. Wincing in pain.