N e v e r m i n d (Jungkook x Reader)

Chapter 5 - Shatter

Living without him. Not waking up to his 5am alarm clock in the other room, not hearing him his terrible attempt to creep around to go the gym. Not coming home to his sweet aura, not talking about our days over takeout, because we were both too tired to raise a finger in the kitchen. Why did the little things bother me the most?
It was strange, waking up on my own accord. To hear busyness downstairs, the rattles from the kitchen, buzzing of conversations. I had spoken to Jin and Jimin rarely, skipping out the door to work before they confronted me. But Jin always sensed my unease and respected my privacy.

Every damn day as I took the metro to work, I prayed on the highest power that somehow, he wouldn't get to me. He wouldn't just pop up out of thin air, I would always cautiously check the cart because of that. It hurt when he stopped calling, I secretly wished a war up in my mind. That he would find me, and that everything would be okay, but nothing would be that easy. I would always stumble upon little parts of my day, that would usually be spent on a moment with him, a ritual. Like before we slept, for every day of the winter months we would have a cup of cocoa, and put a lame video of a open fire on the TV.

I had stopped crying, there was nothing left to shed tears over. I just became a numb shell, who waltzed her way around the job of her dreams, took the metro to the nearest takeout, with the small ounce of appetite I had. Then once again the metro to the restaurant. Who faked a smile to the workers, Jimin and Jin and stumbled to bed, to where I would just stare at the ceiling, and wonder. Wonder what he felt like, and what he was doing...

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"Seriously it's 10:45pm, why on earth are we still here Kook? You can work on this later in the week, it's not like we are not here everyday?" Lina whined, from 7am, they had practiced with the other trainees in the session, but here they were. Class had finished at 5pm, and time waded on much to Lina's annoyance. Coffee cups littered everywhere. But this move, the move he couldn't focus on, was the star of dedicating an extra 5 hours on top for Jungkook.

"Then just go! Go home Lina! If you don't fucking care, then why are you still here?" Jungkook breathily grunted, his hands on his knees as he was bent over, sweating. Lina sighed, her faith had faded. The truth was she stayed because she felt she could help get him out of this rut, or at least calm him down. Ever since that day, he hadn't been the same, tense all the time. He had become a self destructive pawn in the game of life.

"Kook. I miss you, I really do. You treat everyone like they don't matter. I can't begin to imagine what your heart is going through but, isn't the world still revolving?" Lina stammered, her voice wobbling. She gulped on her words, and fumbled with the the jaw strings of her hoodie. She began to softly gaze into the man's eyes who were cold and blank.

"Yes. It is, I can obviously see that. But Lina, you don't know what it's like to wake up alone, to realise that your best friend is no longer less than a moment away from you. To feel like you have separated, and cannot seem to fill this deep fucking void?" Jungkook sarcastically digressed, waving his arms and pointing violently, his voice grew raucous.

Lina stepped back from where she was stood, almost in instinct retreat. This man was not the sweet, bashful character he once was, he had turned malicious and selfish. Fear rippled within her, she began. "Is this what you'll be like now? A self - centred asshole? You don't even let me try any more! It won't get into that thick skull of yours! You don't think I haven't had pain? Not that you ever listen anyway. I feel sorry for you, and that's why I am still here for your ass." She retorted, although he spit violence he wouldn't dare touch her. She neared him once more, her voice becoming more orotund. Her eyebrows flicked in sarcasm.

"Wow, nice words. Didn't deny you of your whiny voice of distress did I?" Jungkook spat back, he arched his back and cleared his throat. "Just leave. Guess I will see you tomorrow." He grumbled with the tone of defeat. He placed the music back on again, and continued his routine. Lina just stood in shock. Blinking away the small sheen of tears that lined her eyes - who was he now? Slamming the door loudly behind her as she ran off.

Jungkook tripped out of a move, grunting with stress, he walked beside the glass window and leaned against it, looking out at the city. He felt guilt rush through his veins, the sheer noise of the door slamming echoed in his memory. He did really push everyone away, and that man in the restaurant was right - actions always have consequences, he swallowed harshly thinking back to that day in full. He twisted his eyes shut at sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, it was like a bridge he couldn't ever cross - an invisible barrier.

Finally deciding pack up and shut up the practice room, he glanced at his phone. The small ounce of hope ignited within, a hope that there would be a notification from you. But it was too good to be true. You had probably long since deleted every trace of him. He checked the time to see that it was twenty minutes till the last train, racing down the stairs and out of the building, he prayed he would make it in time.

It was too late, it was 11:20pm and the metal guards were being manoeuvred by the officers. He turned desperately to see a coffee shop still open at this late hour - he stumbled towards it's direction. The gold bell chimed and echoed into his tired ears. The barista who was wiping at a ceramic cup, focused upon him with concern.

"Long day? What can I get you?" She expressed with such a fruitful tone. She smiled widely. Jungkook looked at her blankly, diverting his vision to the menu. He took a seat to the right of the counter.

"Caramel latte - to go. And I guess, though you'd not understand. Complicated. Thanks though." He answered monotonously, taking a deep breath. She smirked in offence but kept her welcoming stance. She affirmed the price and Jungkook fumbled for change in his wallet. The pair of them shared silence while the machine hummed, she closed the cup firmly with the plastic lid. Jungkook grasped the warmth of the cup and left a small tip. He was gone in a flash, nodding at her after slipping through the door.

Sipping the silky mixture, he managed to catch a taxi nearby, the steam tickling at his lips. Entering once more into the icy cold atmosphere, shivering. He entered his home building and unlocked the door, throwing off all his coverings upon the side sloppily, he had become so lazy that mess felt right at home - literally. Creeping up the stairs and he stopped in his tracks reaching the banister, and diverted his direction. He had reached your bedroom door. Apprehensively lacing his fingers around the doorknob, he twisted the metal object and walked in slowly.

Your room was untouched, the blankets that attached to your bed, still messy and strewn around since you slept in them. Your window was still open, the curtains damply sticking to the frame and the net was ripped at - most likely the sly winter wind. He never imagined so much sorrow would come with entering this room. It used to be his highlight, knowing that if he couldn't sleep, you would be in here to rest his thoughts, and likewise. He collapsed at the foot of your bed, crying uncontrollably and hyperventilating, his throat grew sore. But he didn't care any more, about nothing but you, and how detached he was without you both breathing in sync. Your room was still warm, almost like you were still around. That made him cry more violently, his head sunk into his knees.

Never mind I am broken, lost and afraid without you Y/N,
Never mind I throw people out of my life because they're not you.
Never mind I can't find any glimmer of happiness within me.
A tired, and frozen soul.
Jeon Jungkook.