The Bad Boy BxB

Help (5)

Caleb

Bastard! Stupid little fucker! Oh, little bitch-face! I can't fucking believe he did that to me! He fucking made me piss myself! Oh, I bet he loved it... I bet he loved watching me squirm; watching me cry. Why the hell did I have to cry in front of him? Why the hell did the little bitch-face deserve that satisfaction of knowing he had won? Why the hell do I have to be so fucking weak?

And... Why had he apologized? There is no way he actually cares after doing something like that to me. He played it off as an accident, but... Actually, he was pretty convincing... No. No! I do not believe that son of a bitch! That demented little psycho! That... Ugh, little bitch-face! He's a pervert! That's what he is! He thinks I haven't noticed but I know how hot he gets for what he does to me! He's just a little freak! God, the irony...

Why was he playing around with me like that? No, not the tickling. That, I understood. He's just a weird kid. No, I meant the emotional, psychological side. How he can be so cruel without batting an eye and then the next second he's all apologetic as if it could have been an accident or something. It was ridiculous. You can't accidentally do that to someone. I mean, I guess you don't really know their limits or cues until it's too late, the first time... No. Snap out of it! Idiot! I am not falling for his mind games! I am not forgiving him! Why the hell should he be forgiven? I hate him. He's a piece of shit. He's insane! He's an asshole!

Aiken

I'm an asshole. I'm insane. I'm such an awful person. I hate myself. 

It's been a while since I last spoke to Caleb; I've been too afraid. How pathetic. I can't dare to face him; not even texting! I'm just not ready to hear the truth. He hates me and he never ever wants to see me again. It had to be true. There was no way that he would ever consider giving me a second chance. I know he technically didn't have a choice with the leverage I had over him, but I couldn't be that mean! I wanted him to like me, not just notice me. Knowing I exist isn't enough, anymore. I know there is no way he will ever think of me as more than his creepy, perverted blackmailer, but I wanted to try. Otherwise, I'd be living forever in a state of "what if?" What if I had tried harder? What if he knew it was an accident? What if I could have convinced him to like me? I would never have known. I would have hated that. I want to know first-hand that I have no more chances. I want to know that I tried.

"Hey, Aiken," daddy greeted solemnly as he entered my bedroom, setting a mug of Cocoa down on my desk. "How's it going?"

"Not very well," I admitted with a frown. "I feel worse." Yeah, I had told him about how I had made a mistake involving the boy I like and that he would never want to give me a chance, anymore. I didn't go into what the mistake was, of course, but he could tell by my mood and mannerisms that it was a big deal.

"I'm sorry to hear that, KK," he told me, using the name that only he and mom ever used for me. "You know, if this one little mistake was the make-or-break in your relationship, I don't think this Caleb guy can be very good for you."

"No, daddy, it's more than that. He never liked me very much to begin with and I did something stupid when I wanted to win him over. I did something mean."

"Can he look past that? Can he see that you know what you did was wrong? Does he know it was a mistake?"

"I... I don't know. I tried to tell him, but he never told me what he thought. I haven't talked to him since it happened."

"Maybe you should reach out," he suggested. "Take the first step. It won't be easy, but it could show him how much you care about his feelings. KK, you're a strong, talented, kind, brilliant young man. If he refuses to look at how amazing you are and only focuses on this one mistake, he isn't good enough for you."

"Do you really think so?" I asked, putting down the pillow I was holding to give my father a big hug. He always knew what to say.

"I know so."

Hi, Caleb. I hope you're doing alright. I just want to say one more time how very sorry I am for what I did. I know how wrong it was for me to do, especially without consent. I am truly sorry for this egregious error and hope that, one day, you may come to forgive me.

1w 5d (T) May 15