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8

I run out the door, those words haunting me. I throw my door open and slam it behind me. I fall against it as tears drain down my face. I am just a monster. Mom, you’re right. I’m just a monster.

   I slide back in horror, like a car on ice.

   I rest on a doorway, my sisters in the living room. I offer, “Hey, want a hug?” I meet awkward silence.

   Then, like glass shattering I hear this, “Just get out.” I run from the doorway. I slam the door behind me. I feel the banister under my fingers as I pull myself up. I feel it under my feet. I push off, falling quickly. I shoot into the sky, heart torn into a million. My wings pump relentlessly, and I feel my tears watering the Earth below. I flap hard, the joints rolling smoothly. I can’t go back now.  I flap on through the sky, never wanting to go back. I soon see the city. I land, wings folding as the smog chokes me out. I hear screams, and look up to see another winged there. Another winged person like me. I smile with relief, until they punch me square in the jaw. I fight back, my white wings contrasting their dark grey ones. My wings are well maintained, but theirs is an insult. The rubbish covering his wings and the torn feathers drive me to sneer, “Do those things even work?” He put me into the hospital for that. That’s when I saw my first black feather. It was small, but it was there. They say the darker the wings, the worse you are in the head. Black is the ultimate darkness, of course. Some say it’s all on your powers, but I don’t have ‘black’ powers. I just have to have music or else I go Joker level insane.

    I run hands through my hair, knees pulled to my chest. I wrap my wings around myself, tears streaming down. I hug my knees and tighten my wings around me. I rest my head against my knees, tears streaming down. I whisper, “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” My heart beats slowly, each beat labourer and pain filled. I hide my head beneath my wings that are wrapped around me. I moved to my top bunk during the flashback, so I’m not blocking the door.

     I still can’t believe this is my last day before I return to the boarding school. It’s called Mai Academy, and is a secret school for people like Nick, Rick, Eri, Vienna, and I. It was opened the year I crashed into these peoples’ lives. The joke was that I was the opening gift,  because it was also the year Mez began taking us in.  No one found me until a few hours after Rick, Nick, Chantrea,  and Eri had arrived. Nick had spotted my feathers on the fence and told Mez it looked like a bird had died on the fence. Then, Eri woke me up by screaming right beside me. I had blacked out where I’d crashed, so the poor soul found me all covered in blood on the ground. Of course, everyone thought she was dying, so they rushed out with guns. That’s when it got interesting…

      I stand up, wavering. I look down and scream blue murder. My wings… My beautiful wings are gone. I flap the arm, but it isn’t the same. I try to fly, but fall flat on my butt. I feel my tears as I see the bloodied feathers around me. I flap like stupid domestic duck, unable to fly. I then have a melt down, running around flapping in my extrodinary panic. Why can’t I fly?  WAIT!  I GOT IT!  I GOT THIS!  FUCK!  I FELL!  WAIT!  I… So on and so on. I resumed this terror filled melt down until a boy tackles me. I flap my wings around and manage to knock him out. I crawl out, and a girl whispers, “What is it?”

    Those words stopped every thought and derailed my brain. It?  I’m an it? I turn to them and stare in shock. Then the other boy whispers, “Shit. It’s another one of us.”

   I retort, voice hoarse from crying, “My name is Bärchen. Not ‘It’. This isn’t a Stephen King movie.”

   Then, the boy I knocked out croaks, standing up with a welt on his forehead, “Welcome to The Cavern, Bär.”

      I smile, he’s still afraid of my wings. When I take off he backs up way more than everyone else does. They sometimes watch me fly. Sometimes. I keep getting prompted to compete,  but then everyone at school would know I have wings. While they were growing back, I could hide them, but now I can’t…

    A knock on my door reminds me to pay more attention. I look up, and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I call, voice croaky, “Come in.” I fix my ruffled hair, and a random person enters. I stare in shock. They know I hate roommates. I give a cold look at Mez. I curl my wings in and jump down. I look the being up and down. Great, just f+++ing great. I sneer at Mez, who seems disturbed by my actions. I growl, “It’ll live.” I storm back up to my bunk, open the hidden pocket door in the ceiling, and crawl up. I shut it, but find it opening in seconds. I growl, “Get out. Wings only.”    

   I hear a cocky, “Thanks for the invite!” I glare harshly and see the large, white wings. I hide my shock and roll my eyes.

   I sigh, defeated, “No problem.” Then, I stop. That voice is familiar. I whip around and stare at the owner of the voice. Toby. It’s TOBY!  I wrap him into a hug. He yelps in shock.

    I pound on his shoulder and he cries, “HEY! Who even are you?” I flare my wings and remember they have changed.

    I reply, “Bärchen. Bärchen Zvezda.” Toby draws a knife I never noticed, wings flaring forward and pushing me down. I cry out as I break my wings by landing on them. I try to defend myself by throwing my wings and arms up. Toby screams in reply, and I lower my aching wings and shaking arms. Laying prone on the floor, is Toby. His scream is echoing off the walls, and I soon hear people coming. I approach him, and see a dangerous smirk. Then, his eyes open and he springs so fast we change positions. My wings cry in pain, my spine following suit. My wings are splayed at awkward angles, and my body goes stiff as I see my world go black.

      I wake in a hospital bed, and immediately check for wings. My wings flap, but the resistance isn’t there. I hit myself in the face, and hear machines clank to the floor. I look at my wings and my voice echoes in agony off the white brick walls. I sit up and my heart races. A nurse rushes in and sneers, “Come in, animal control? The monster woke up, you can take him home.” I feel my rage boil out, wings extending and I feel the fire leaking into my chest. I stare at the nurse with malice.

    I roar, rage boiling out like lava, burning my lips, “I AM NOT A MONSTER, DAMN IT!” She looks horrified, her wide eyes and pale complexion giving her away. She drops the radio, confidence gone. I see people rush in. I throw my hands in the air at sight of their firearms. My heart rushes, and my vision spins. Something is stealing my energy, but what?  I see black smoke fill the room, and I pass into my subconscious again.

     I wake up in bed and growl in rage. Why do these things happen to only me? I growl again, my heart full of rage. I unsheath the dagger from under my waistband and hurl it. It strikes the target as the door opens. The dagger is nearly through the door, which is kinda cool. I roll out of bed and spread my wings. I fall to the floor and tears fill my eyes. My nose is unharmed, because I managed to twirl and land on my back. I stare at the blurry ceiling and pull my knees to my chest as I sit up. I shake out my fatherless wings. I look at the strange limbs, they look like feathery, muscular spider legs. I stand up, tears falling down. I sob, “They’re gone.” I hear Vienna gasp. I turn around, the joints falling from their fold, hitting the floor and bruising painfully. I realize she saw my disgraceful plummet and the tears well. I cuss and bumping the edge of the bunk bed. I grumble, tears falling, “I guess you saw that.” Silence confirms my suspicions. She thinks I’m useless.

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