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my brain is scattered
. . .
"Jung Hoseok, how are you today?" the doctor wore her best smile today. It's Saturday, and it's that time of the week where he gets a consultation with the hospital psychiatrist.
"I'm fine, how about you?" he cheerfully responded while he tugged on the collar of his shirt. Almost everyday, he'd wear the usual hospital gowns and that's the reason why he loved his weekends, he gets to wear normal clothing.
"I'm fine as well. Thank you for asking though, shall we get into the session now?"
"Sure"
"Are the pills working on you?", the way her voice sounded was smooth. It was comforting and soothing to his ears, one curse and he'd fully submit himself to her. However, there was worry in her mind. Jung Hoseok is her favorite patient, she's more focused on him than any of the other patients.
"Pills? Eunji, what are you talking about?"
"Hobi, I'm not Eunji. You told me your girlfriend was long gone"
"Sure, whatever you say", he pouted his lips and kept his head down. The psychiatrist took down notes on him and examined his expressions thoroughly, perhaps he was never taking in his meds, perhaps he was throwing them away after pretending to swallow them, perhaps, perhaps.
Nothing was ever sure aside from the fact that his schizophrenia is getting worse.
"How are my friends though?" The bright smile the doctor was wearing today started to curve into a frown. Should she lie about them dying or should she tell him they're fine for the sake of his mental state?
"They're alright"
"You're lying" She raised an eyebrow at him, curious how he knew she was lying. The psychiatrist thought maybe he was bluffing. He was her favorite for this reason. He's so sure of his answers, he'd say anything in his mind despite the blabbering demons in his head. Hoseok couldn't recognize reality, and it excites her. His insanity is her addiction.
"Well, Jimin's still not waking up. Turns out he was stabbed on the right part of his abdomen and your friend Jungkook wrapped it up after he did it, hoping maybe that'll save him. Namjoon and the rest are still at large"
"and Taehyung?"
"What is that on your palm?" she asked. He gazed at it, slowly turning it over for his eyes to see. Dried blood. Yes, that's what it is.
"Is that blood? What happened, Hoseok?" He didn't give her a reply but rather, he closed his eyes and clutched his hand.
"Did you do it again?"
"Why do you need to know?"
"Hoseok this is dangerous. You can't do this to yourself, to your friends"
"They don't care about me" That's all he could say to stop the psychiatrist from reprimanding him. Unknowingly, his eyes welled up with tears. Hoseok has always been their sunshine but noone was ever there for him except Yoongi. He was his best friend, his warmth, his well-being. Oh, he loved him so dear, Yoongi was everything to him, but he screwed his girlfriend. He took her from him. Even I can't decide whether what he did was right or wrong but it surely ruined their friendship.
"That's not true, Hoseok, they care about you. Who told you they don't?"
"Jin hyung, he told me nobody cares about me that's why I do it. Nobody cared for him, they'll do the same for me"
