Floral & Fading (Perrentes M-Preg)

Chapter 25

May 10th, 2013

I walk into Catalina's room and walk around trying to straighten everything up. It's only six a.m and Mike isn't even awake. We're supposed to go pick up Catalina at nine but walking around there is so much we still haven't gotten done. I sigh and run my hands through my hair and let out a loud groan. "Jesus Christ!" I say then walk out of her room and head into the kitchen.

Coffee, I need coffee. That's what I'll work on, that'll pass the time. I nod my head as I walk and get into the kitchen. I get everything to start making coffee and just bury myself in it. Soon enough it was no longer just coffee, now I was making a full breakfast.

Eggs were cracking, bacon was sizzling, pancakes were baking, and coffee was made. I don't know how long I've been at this but I didn't stop. Not once, not till I've got the whole kitchen filled with food and the mess completely cleaned. "Holy shit babe," Mike says and looks around the kitchen. "Stress.... Eating and cleaning?" he asks me and I nod my head. I hear a deep chuckle come from him that brought ease to me. At least someone can have a smile on today.

Slowly his arms wrap around my waist and he presses a kiss to my neck. I sigh and relax in his arms and he sighs as well. "She's coming home, Tony. I know we still have things to do and to learn but we were SO lucky. We didn't lose her, her lungs are developed, there seems to be no brain damage. We got the little girl of our dreams." he whispers and I start to cry again.

Dread washes over me as I think over everything Mike said to me. Her brown eyes, her tan skin, her dark brown hair already curly and crazy. The way she twitches and holds tight onto my fingers. Everything she did was perfect in every single way, and I don't deserve that.

I don't deserve her. I've drunk too much, I've made bad decisions, and I've slept around. Yet here she is, perfect. Free of sin and she made it. What if I hurt her and she hates her life as she grows up. "Baby, why are you crying?" Mike says and turns me around.

"What if I hurt her more than I already have? What if she grows up hating us because we're always on tour and she never gets to line in just one spot! What if we don't raise her right!" I cry and he sighs then cups my face in his hands and smiles lovingly at me.

"Don't think like that. We're going to do her best and you know that if our family starts to struggle we'll pull out of the band. We'll let this go as time runs but won't start to doubt and question this now. She's here, she's alive, and she's going to be surrounded with a family who will always love her." he says and I nod my head when he pulls me closer and plants a huge kiss onto my lips.

I kiss him back and wrap my arms around his neck. "Alright you go shower and I"m going to eat then we'll both get ready and head out. It's now seven o'clock and we need to be on the road by eight." he says. Yet again I nod my head then we pull away from one another. There was a smile on his face and he hits my butt. I let out a little screech then head up to the bathroom to shower.

I do my daily routine of washing my hair, and body then getting showered and all that. After I felt okay and clean I get out of the shower and get dressed. Black skinny jeans, palm tree wife beater, and my hat. I look myself over and nod my head. "Oh hot Mama," Mike says and I look at him out of the corner of my eye.

"I showered before I came down this morning and I'm dressed so we can go," Mike says and I smile and nod my head. He reaches his hand out to mine so I grab his hand happily and we start to walk out of the house.

This moment was the most humbling feeling in the world. I was bring home my daughter and I am holding the hand of the man I love most in this world. After everything, I am nothing without the people I love and need the support of. I couldn't help but smile; all the fear I held earlier was gone. Mike was here, I would do my best. Together we would raise this little girl to be the best person we can ask her to be.

The ride to the hospital faded into the background as I thought of everything that my life now held in the future. More children? Marriage? New album? What was going to happen?

Then that's where the humbling part came in. No one knows and I can't control it, no matter how much I want to.