My Songs

Suicidal Romance

Fuck life. 

Fuck love.

Fuck this world.

Fuck Society.

Fuck you.

Fuck me.

Fuck everything!

Dammit, I am seriously tired of this.

You made me want to live again, and I made you want to live again too.

You kissed my wounds and made them heal.

You said I was beautiful and that you loved me.

You told me that you would stay strong for if not for you, but for me.

You promised me and the music that you would live for us.

You made me fall in love with you. 

I wrote a song about you and you said it was beautiful.

I quit cutting for you, I named my fucking butterflies after you, I stayed faithful for you.

But you clearly lied to me, every single ''I'm okay babe, I can do this." was a fucking lie!

You didn't love me enough to tell me that you were hurting!

I would have done something better!

I would have fucking walked all the way from Iowa to fucking New York City just to save you.

I would do anything for you. 

If you die tonight, I will die with you.

Tonight I will mark myself for you, and cry for you.

I will scream your name until my neighbors call the police.

I will slit my wrist.

I will fix my noose.

I will overdose on sleeping pills.

I will do everything for you.

Except live for you.

That is one thing I simply cannot do.

If you can't live for me, then I can't live for you.

We will be together forever.

That's not a threat baby girl, that's a promise.

I love you, and you love me.

This isn't how our lives were supposed to be. 

What happened to forever?

I thought forever meant longer than almost a decade and a half, but I guess that I was wrong.

My breaths are just a waste of precious moments.

Why breath when you're living, but not actually living- just existing, counting the days until I can hold you close to me again- life to the fullest?

Why breath when I could be kissing you until I suffocate?

I'm fucking thirteen, I shouldn't think this way.

What the fuck is wrong with us?

How did we even think for a moment that we would survive for each other?

Well I plead insanity your honor

The doc said I'm fine, but that's a lie

The scars on my hips, were just "tiny little stains and wrinkles in the pair of skinny jeans that is life''

The hunger pains in my abdommen tell me that's I'm hungry

But my mind tells me that I'm fatter than a pregnant cow

Could we really have kept this up?

This fake happiness that we surround ourselves with?

Can we even survive again without the other?

I know that if you're beside me always, I can make it to the next day

Every sunrise and sunset is a battle won in the Civil War against my demons

Each smile I gave you was real, not fake or forced

I never was fake with you

My wishes from 11:11 haven't came yet

But I'm still waiting, watching, and hoping for the impossible

The world is clouded and fuzzy

From my tainted memories I can remember the good ole days

Back when I wasn't a danger to my family and friends

The memories of us are tainted by my fear and miniscule happiness

Could you please tell me why now?

Why would you choose now?

My life was finally falling into place

The road to my recovery finally was straight

Now I feel like I'm going 90 miles per hour down tenth street hill

And that you had just ripped out my break pads

My life is flashing before my eyes, and I don't like what stares back at me

I can't breath on my own 

Every morning I wage a war against the mirror

I don't like the girl staring back at me

I'm a danger to myself

No one wants to be with me no more

They all say

"The only one who doesn't see your beauty, is the figure staring back at you."

Hold on to me and never let go

Fuck life.

Fuck love.

Fuck this world.

Fuck Society.

Fuck you.

Fuck me.

Fuck this song!