Nosh?

-Chapter 22 Inside i am dead but outside im just a walking skeleton-

~Josh's POV~
I watched as Niall was writing something down. His hands, his hair, his body, they all looked so bad and bruised. I felt so bad I wanted to vomit but I kept it down just so he wouldn't see my pain. I actually really wanted him to see my pain, see how bad he hurt me. At the same time I wanted him to feel comforted and safe and loved. How was I suppose to do that now that we are not together and I am the reason why. I sighed and hadn't realized he was looking at me with tears in his eyes with the note facing me. I looked at him then to the note.

"I'm so sorry josh. So fucking sorry I ever cheated on you. I fucking hate myself for ever putting you through that. I deserve to be dead and I don't deserve you at all." His tears were starting to stain the paper so bad I couldn't read the words anymore. He was sobbing silently with his face the color of a tomato from being so upset.

I felt so bad for him as I shook my head and pulled him into my chest. "Niall please please stop crying. This is all my fault. I over reacted and I am so so sorry for breaking your heart. I don't want to loose you ever again." I sat there rocking his tiny fragile little body in my arms. He has lost so much weight. He literally felt like a skeleton. I cried into his hospital gown and stroked his hair to try and calm him. He wouldn't let go. His tears were wetting my shirt but I didn't care. I just sat there and held him, the two of us crying our eyes out for what felt like hours until neither of us had any tears left to cry. Still I rocked him back and forth as if the world would fall apart if I let him go. Pretty soon I heard some snoring and I knew he was asleep. I wanted everything in the world to talk to him, to hear his voice but I knew he was weak. The weakness was going to be in his body for a long time. He hasn't eaten, hasn't drank in four months. He is going to need a lot of recovery time and I knew I needed to be there to help him through it. Even if I didn't take him back I needed to be there for him as a friend.
What am I talking about I want him to be my boyfriend again and I never want to leave him again.

I got lost in my thoughts so much that I didn't realize it was now 3:00 a.m and I had not called the boys. I looked down at Niall's precious little body and smiled to myself. "My angel"
He must have heard me because he smiled and his eyes opened.
"Oh. I'm sorry baby I didn't mean to wake you. You must be exhausted." He nodded a little and nuzzles his head into my chest causing me to lay on the bed holding him in my arms. I decided the boys could wait until morning so I held Niall close and sang soft songs to him until I feel asleep in the best way imaginable.
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