Nosh?

-Chapter 24 Not all hearts can be fixed-

Niall's POV-

After Josh left I immediately texted Zayn. I waited what felt like hours, which was only minutes to look at my phone and see no reply. I was so anxious that I hit the call button even though I couldn't talk. He didn't answer. I called again and again. I think maybe it was eight times and someone finally answered. I didn't get a chance to try and speak when the voice said. "Stop calling this number Niall you've already done enough. Thanks to you my son is gone!" And they hung up. Zayns mom answered his phone and accused me of killing Zayn?!? The fuck?!? I've been asleep for four months how is that even possible?!?! I'm fuming mad now and stressed because I can't do anything about this. I'm stuck in this bed and I can't even talk. God this is agony. As I'm talking and cursing myself out somehow I missed Josh coming back and he had to yell to get my attention. "NIALL!!" I stopped and looked at him. My face must have been really red or something because he asked if I was okay. I nodded and broke down crying. Of course he didn't understand all of a sudden why I was bawling but he comforted me until I stopped. When I was able to write I wrote to him. " Zayns dead because of me and I am an awful person because I can't help myself thinking about him, but I love you to death. What is wrong with me? I'm fucking pissed that I'm here and I can't do a damn thing. Please just make it all go away!" The tears fall again as I finished writing and showed him the note. He looked at it and you could tell by the look on his face that he was mad because of the Zayn part. He looked at me and said "babe relax. Everyone is okay and the boys are gonna all come see you. I promise" he kissed my head but his words did not settle me. I just kept thinking about what's Zayns mom said. If he really was dead because of me I couldn't fix anything and I would never be able to tell him the truth.... I love him.. or I loved him. I hate that I feel this way but I honestly love him and Josh. How can someone be in love deeply with two people? I was going crazy in my mind and I needed an escape. I must have changed expressions on my face because Josh rubbed my hand suddenly. "It's going to be okay baby" he said. How can he say that? How can he even want to call me baby as I broke his heart? How can anyone want me after what I did? It doesn't make any sense. I started to rip at my hair in frustration until Josh piped in.
"Listen..... I'm sorry for the way I acted and the way things ended. I really over reacted and I shouldn't have said what I said. I was just hurting and it felt right to hurt you back at the time. Niall I never wanted to hurt you but what did I do? I fucking killed you. I know your wreck was my fault. It was all my fault. I should have visited you after camp, I should have tried to call you more but I didn't. I let my stupid Oh life get in the way and I feel really stupid about it. I know those two years while you were growing apart from me that you may be growing in love with someone else but in my mind I pushed that away just because I was selfish and thought you would wait for me. I should have came to you the second I saw you again when the band formed but I didn't. I missed you so god damn much that I pushed myself more away from you by not returning your texts. And now here I am telling you it will all be okay when in reality I know it won't be. I know you'll pick him over me and I know I'll be heart broken again. But you know what? I'm just so fucking happy your alive." He stopped and walked to the door. I wanted to ask him where he was going but I couldn't. He stood there for a few minutes before looking back at me. "I know your gonna hate me but I'm so so sorry. I love you so much Niall James. I love you so much" he said as he walked out of the room. Being awake for a day and a half I was already wanting to be back asleep. My world was no longer the same and I couldn't bare it. I moved my arms. They seemed to work okay but I couldn't get my legs to move, so I pulled them over the edge of the bed with my arms. Big mistake because I went to lift myself out of bed and my arms gave in and I fell to the floor. Now that Josh was gone I had no way to get help. Oh well I'm better off dieing right here on the floor. Maybe then I could join Zayn. Or maybe
Ill just go to the dark depths of hell where I belonged for hurting the two pieces of my heart.