early update for you guys😊💘 it's taehyung's birthday!!! i love him so much my sweet angel he deserves all the happiness in the world 💗
╔═══"chapter thirteen" ═╗
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╚═ "by your side" ═══╝
jeongguk was curled up on the couch, a drama playing on the television while he attempted to watch it. he couldn't focus; it was like he was trapped in a dream and couldn't wake up.
he'd stayed with jimin and taehyung for a few days before eventually returning back to his apartment, dismissing the older two's constant pleas for him to stay. he'd been numbly going through his days: waking up in an empty bed, going to class, and returning home to do a few hours of homework, eating a small plate of leftovers takeout, and falling asleep in the same empty bed.
he couldn't even cry anymore. sure, on the inside he was aching, with the clawing emptiness of not having seokjin around to shower him in praises and affection, to hold him close to his warm chest and sing him to sleep. but on the outside jeongguk just looked exhausted, ugly dark circles appearing under his eyes from the sleepless nights where he lay tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep without the presence of the older man next to him.
the show was near its end when there was a knock at the door. heart skipping a beat, jeongguk turned to look at the door. slowly he got up and padded over, biting his lip. no, it couldn't be, he told himself. don't get your hopes up.
his hand grasped the cold metal of the door handle and held onto it for a moment, gathering the courage to face whoever was on the other side. finally, he took a deep breath and pulled it open, a stuttered gasp leaving his mouth as he saw the familiar face.
tears filled his eyes as he threw his arms around the taller male, burying his head in his chest. "h-hyung, i missed you so much," jeongguk cried as he held onto his brother tightly. namjoon sighed, embracing the younger as his own emotions rose in his throat.
"come on, let's go sit down. i think you have some stuff to tell me, hm?" namjoon asked softly, brushing hair off jeongguk's forehead. when his brother nodded and turned to go in the direction of the couch he'd just been sitting on, namjoon shut the door behind him and went over to join jeongguk on the sofa.
namjoon sat on one end while jeongguk lay in between his legs, his back to the elder's chest. it took a few minutes, but eventually jeongguk told him everything, and namjoon's chest tightened as he heard how painful the past two weeks had been for his baby brother. he held the younger comfortingly as he cried, rubbing his back and smoothing his hair.
"...hyung?"
"yes, jeongguk-ah?"
"do you think he still loves me?" jeongguk bit his lower lip, looking down. "even though he left?"
namjoon took a deep breath, remaining quiet for a moment. he gently massaged jeongguk's neck, working out the tension that had accumulated with all the stress of what had happened. "i think that he left because of how much he loves you, guk."
the younger sat up, turning to face his brother with confusion. "what does that mean?"
"if i know seokjin hyung, and god, if i don't, he's probably going through some sort of personal shit that he wants to distance himself from you to deal with. i don't think he's trying to hurt you," namjoon said gently, tucking hair behind jeongguk's ear. "but if he is, you can bet your ass i'm making him pay for breaking your heart."
jeongguk giggled, hiding his face in his hands. "hyung," he whined, something akin to a blush coating his cheeks. namjoon just laughed and ruffled the younger's mess of dark hair.
"hey, why don't you come home with me for a few days? i know you probably want to stay here but i know it's not helping you, guk. please, just for a few days. dad misses you too, you know."
jeongguk looked down, considering. it was true, he didn't want to leave the apartment. he was desperate to hold onto anything he had left of seokjin and this apartment was all he had. but his brother was right, he knew it in his heart, for every time he walked in he was reminded of how empty it was, that seokjin wasn't in the kitchen dancing and singing as he prepared dinner, and that he wasn't there to cuddle him in bed.
"okay," jeongguk found himself agreeing, "just for a few days."
➴
as soon as jeongguk stepped inside the entrance of the house he'd called home since he was fifteen, he felt a rush of emotion he wasn't expecting. the fact that his stepfather was sitting on the couch watching television didn't help either. tears brimming in his wide eyes, jeongguk dropped his bag on the ground and ran over, throwing his arms around mr. kim.
"oh, jeongguk, it's so good to see you. how have you been doing at college?" mr. kim smiled at his stepson, smoothing the boy's dark hair down. "how's seokjin?"
not missing the way jeongguk tensed up, namjoon made eye contact with his father, signalling that he needed to talk to him. furrowing his thick eyebrows, mr. kim stood and followed namjoon into the kitchen. "why don't you go put your stuff in your room?" namjoon offered a warm smile to his brother, who quickly nodded and collected his bag, heading for the stairs.
walking inside his old room was odd–nostalgic, almost. even though it had been barely a year since he'd left home, his old bedroom looked alien and unfamiliar. a small part of jeongguk's brain couldn't help but pick out how childish his room seemed in comparison to his and seokjin's shared bedroom back at their apartment. his old wooden bed frame with storage drawers underneath was nothing compared to the king size bed with a wide black headboard and egyptian cotton sheets that he'd gotten used to sleeping in.
jeongguk was sitting on his bed, staring off into space when namjoon found him. the elder knocked at the open doorway, smiling softly. "hey, guk. what's up?" he asked as he walked inside, taking a seat next to his brother on the bed.
"oh, just... feels weird, i guess," jeongguk shrugged, trailing his fingertips along the blankets. he sighed, biting his lip. "hard to believe so much has changed in so little time. i feel like a stranger in my own house."
namjoon watched as jeongguk blinked back tears, and rubbed his back reassuringly. "i promise, you're gonna get through this. i'll be right by your side the whole time. okay?"
jeongguk looked up and met eyes with the older, a sad smile tugging at his lips as he nodded his head. "okay."
