Even Wilder

Chapter 15.

Ashamed.

That's how I felt. Completely ashamed in this shameless filled neighborhood. I put my biggest insecurities in Lip's hands, and he crumbled them all in a matter of 60 seconds. I let him in, gave him all of me and he threw it in my face.
Maybe he didn't sleep with those girls, maybe he did. Will I ever find out the honest answer? Probably not.

So here I am.

Sitting on my bed. Feeling bad for myself. Letting my guilt eat me alive.

I'm too good for this. I'm too good for some guy to take complete control over my thoughts and feelings. Well, f*ck that shit.

I reach over and grab my phone off the nightstand and pull up Alyssia's number, pressing call. I had to ask V to get my phone from Fiona's car after Lip got home, I couldn't face her, she knows people warned me about him, and I just didn't listen. The line begins to ring, a click soon follows. "Jess? Jesus you're alive! What happened?" I groan and lean back on the headboard "I'll tell you if we can go somewhere tonight. I just...need to get away from here and think about...well nothing. I need fun." She chuckles on the other line "Well how about a gay bar?" I bursted out laughing but the other end was silent "you're serious?" I ask her in a whisper. She coughs and there was a faint noise of her bed squeaking "Yes. Hot guys, good music, drinks, bonus no guys will be hitting on you because they're looking for...well...guys." Genius. She is pure genius. "I'll be there in 20 minutes, text me your address. Don't bother dressing extravagantly slutty, remember, they're not going to pay attention to you." then the line went dead.

I got up and looked around my room, thinking of what to wear and where to find it. I go to my dresser and pull out my dark navy skinny jeans that hug every single curve my body possesses, which isn't much. Then over to my closet and pull out a red tank top with a plunging neck line. I don't have the biggest boobs so I decided to not wear a bra. I put the outfit on, along with a gold set of bracelets then a set of long necklaces. I scrounge around in my makeup back and find my mascara, coating my lashes in the black paste several times then grabbing a tube of lip gloss, applying some to my lips with a smack. I look at my reflection in the mirror and sigh deeply.

A car horn honking outside strips me from my thoughts. I grab my clutch off the dresser and slide the lip gloss inside along with my keys and head for the front door. "Wait Jess where are you going?" V says stomping down the spiral staircase. She eyes me up and down before meeting my gaze "I'm going to a club with my friend?" She crosses her arms and pops her hip to the side "you're going to spend the night at your friends house you say?" She says loudly, looking up the stairs "have fun, if you need a ride just call me or Fiona, Christ even a taxi, just don't let yourself or a friend drive if you've been drinking" I smile and nod at her. Opening up the door and walking out into the cool night's air. I start padding down the steps when I hear a cough to my left. Lip is leaning on his fence facing my direction taking a long drag from his cigarette.

He straightens his back when he sees me walk into frame. "Where are you off to?" He asks, his eyes nearly glowing in the moonlight. I slowly walk over and take the cigarette away from his lips, then set it between my own, I take a puff then blow the smoke to the side of his face "it's none of your business now is it Gallagher?", I flick the cigarette on the ground and press my toe to it, grinding in the dirt. I walk over to the car, swung open the door and set in the passenger seat. "Well hello there hot bitch." I smile at her "ready for this?" she throws her head back in laughter, then looks at me with a dead straight face "I was born ready."

She puts the car in gear and pulls onto the street.  I look in the side mirror and see Lip standing in the middle of the street watching us leave. My heart sinks as I squirm deeper into the seat. We sit in silence for a majority of the ride, except for the soft hum of the motor.  "So are you and Jackson like a thing or what?" I ask her breaking the silence. A small smirk appears in the corner of her lips. "No. But I think we're getting there." "How long have you known him?" "My whole life. We've been in the same class since kindergarten. Had classes here and there together in middle school and high school. We actually walked at graduation together. We started working at the coffee shop together and now we hang out and text all the time" her confession makes my mood shift to a more pleasant one from ten minutes ago. "I'm really happy for you. You guys honestly blend very well together." "Well thank you...so are you going to tell me about your whole love triangle you have going on?" I awkwardly laugh and rub my sweaty palms on my pants "I um...yeah...it's not actually a love triangle. I was with Lip, I mean we weren't like super official or anything. I met Connor at work, we're just friends. The night of the movies I got lost and he picked me up. And Lip and I went to the party you invited me to together....but he left to get drinks and never came back. So I tried looking for him and found Connor. Then well I mean you saw the whole fight thing. My purse with my keys and phone were in Lips car so I stayed with Connor...nothing happened...but I mean Lip and I obviously aren't talking right now." She looks at me with sad eyes as she pulls into the parking lot of the club. People are swarmed everywhere. Lights dancing into the sky from the lasers on the roof. Thumps from the music is already making my chest heavy and we haven't even gone inside yet.