A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED

5 | pep talk

Four weeks down… about sixteen more to go.  If this was what it was going to be like for the rest of the semester, I needed a miracle to survive.  What was a typical day like? Workout/conditioning in the morning.  Classes for the rest of the day.  Team practices in the late afternoon or evening. 

As for me, classes were just three to four hours every day, but it was the recitation every meeting that was a killer.  There were a lot of materials to read… as in A LOT! I was a fast reader back in college, or so I thought… but reading through my case assignments now were painstakingly slow.  I was beginning to think that my comprehension level was going down.  On the brighter side, almost all of the cases and materials were searchable online.  Reading everything in full text though was another story.  We have divided the case assignments to be digested among the members in the study group, but you cannot rely heavily on the digest.  Professors seemed to always ask questions on the things you don’t know or the materials you haven’t read.

I was the first to arrive for team practice today.  My class ended at 4:30 p.m.  I decided go straight to the gym, otherwise I would be in a corner somewhere reading.  Yes, reading.  Everything about law school seemed to be about reading.  Well, if you weren’t reading you were being asked about what you read.  I was beginning to wonder if my brain had a word limit and that it might shut down or reboot one of these days.

For some reason, I was looking forward to practice every day.  Couldn’t wait to throw away my books and notes even for a few hours.  Seeing the faces of my team mates was a respite from the self-assured looks of my classmates.  I always hated that feeling whenever I was in class that I seem to be the only one who doesn’t get it. 

Arghhh! I tossed my notes.  I closed my eyes and laid down in the middle of the court, trying to calm my senses. 

“Ano nangyayari sa ‘yo?” someone asked.

When I opened my eyes, Kathy was looking over me.

“May narinig akong sumigaw ng papasok ako dito.” She eyed me suspiciously.

“Natotusta na yata ang utak ko,” I explained.  Maybe that wasn’t really an explanation but the was the closest description I have. 

She sat on the floor beside me.  She was already dressed for practice.  “’Di ka ba nahihirapan sa schedule? Twice a day ‘yung training.”

“Sa maniwala ka o hindi, eto pinakamagandang parte ng araw ko,” I laughed.  “Dati parang parusa every time na may training.  Pero ngayon, pagnasabon ako sa klase, iisipin ko na lang si prof ‘yung bolang papaluin ko.”

“Gags ka talaga kahit kelan, Neta,” she chuckled.  “Kelan ka ba huling lumabas? ‘Yung hindi group study o errand?”

I stared at the ceiling, trying to recall what I have been doing for the past month.  “Before classes started?” Has it been that long?

“You need a break,” she pulled me up.  “It’s a Friday.  Lumabas ka paminsan minsan, para maiba naman.  Baka sa susunod, maisipan mong sunugin ang mga notes mo.”  She was referring to the paper cluttered on the floor.  “Or worse... baka sunugin mo ang Malcolm pagnainis ka.”

“Labas tayo mamaya pagkatapos ng practice,” thought her suggestion was a good idea.

She grinned.  “Hinde pwede.  May pasok kami bukas.”  Student-athlete problems.  Wished there were more days in a week… or more weekends than weekdays perhaps.

The other Maroons started arriving.  Coach Jerry and the rest of the coaching staff followed soon after.  Coach called everyone to a huddle.  I picked up my stuff on the floor and joined the rest of the team, who were seated in the bleachers.

“Marami nagsasabi, wala tayong mapupuntahan.  Hindi natin kaya ‘yung mga teams na masmalalaki, masmalalakas at maspopular.  Tama nga ba sila?” Coach Jerry looked at each one of us.  “Bakit tahimik kayo? Kung 'di nyo rin lang kaya, tigil na natin 'to.  Bakit nyo pa papahirapan mga sarili nyo?”

Each one murmured, “Kaya... kaya yan...”

“O ano?” Coach Jerry waiting for a reply.

“Kaya, Coach!” Pia shouted.

Everyone joined in, “Kaya natin 'to!”

“Guys, I know everyone has been working hard since summer.  But we need to push ourselves even harder.  Challenge our limits.  This is not about defeating your opponent.  It’s about overcoming your weakness and your doubts,” Coach Jerry explained.  “Kung ano man ang dahilan kung bakit kayo nandito, hindi na mahalaga ‘yun.  Nandito na kayo, ngayon pa kayo aayaw?”

Coach Jerry seemed to be very inspired to be giving quite a lengthy pep talk.  Wonder how many laps he was going make us run this time.

“I have good news and bad news,” Coach announced.

So that was why… That was a segue doomsday.

“Pumayag na ang University na sumali sa UNIGAMES this year,” he declared… much to the delight of everyone.  “But! the bad news is… hindi matatapat sa sem break ‘yun kasi nga nagpalit ang UP ng academic calendar.  I have met with the Deans, pwede daw kayong bigyan ng excuse sa attendance pero kelangan nyo pa din gawin ang mga requirements o kunin ang tests na mamimiss nyo during that week.”

“Pumayag din po si Dean Concepcion?” I asked.  Just making sure.

“Fortunately, yes,” he grinned.  “Sinasabi ko ito ngayon sa inyo para mapag-isipan nyo.  Lalo na ikaw Araneta.  Kung kaya nyong hindi pumasok ng isang linggo.  You have the weekend to talk about it.  I want your decisions by Monday.”

Everyone started talking at the same time again.  Most were excited of the prospect of joining the annual tournament, which was usually held in Bacolod sometime in October.  It was a bummer that the opening of classes in UP were transferred from June to August, which meant we will still be having classes in October… or worse exams!

“Guys, stretching… then do your drills!” the Coach instructed. 

It always made me feel better to do hitting and spiking drills at the end every day… especially on Mondays and Thursdays when I have Consti class.  They can toss as many balls as they want and I would just hit it.

Sometimes it felt, law school was a wrong decision.  I took the LAE because of a bet with Kuya.  Well, I passed and won the bet.  But going through the interview and enrolling was entirely my call.  I don’t know what got into me.  I knew it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park.  But every day, I was starting to doubt myself even more.

Now, I knew what it was like to be in a state of aporia.

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a·po·ri·a 1. Rhetoric . the expression of a simulated or real doubt, as about where to begin or what to do or say. 2. Logic, Philosophy . a difficulty encountered in establishing the theoretical truth of a proposition, created by the presence of evidence both for and against it.