Unexpected (TaeJin)

1

Warning!!: This chapter has a very detailed self harm scene so if it will possibly trigger you or make you think badly please do not continue.

Tae POV

I stormed into the house and ran right upstairs. My grandmother called to me but I didn't want to deal with her. Not now, I don't want to deal with anyone. I just want to be left alone. I'm so dumb.. and I'm done being ridiculed by every damn person I happen to be around.

"Figures." I grumble to myself throwing my bag on to my bed and closing my door behind me. Today couldn't have been worse, not only was I late but I was humiliated in the locker room, then to top it off on the way home I made a fool of myself.

"I'm so fucking stupid!" I hiss ruffling my hands threw my hair. I feel my anger bubbling up and feel the warm tears falling onto my cheeks. I promised myself I would stop, I said I wouldn't touch that sharp piece of steel ever again. But I guess sometimes you can't hold back the urge to feel something other than what you're feeling at the moment.

I wipe my face and go over to my dresser. I take a deep breath and hold onto the dresser. Am I really going to relapse? Thinking of this question I grip the sides of the molding that is around the top of my dresser and bite down on my lip as hard as I can, suppressing the screams that want to be heard.

You have to understand I didn't want this. I never wanted to feel this pressure, to feel this self-hate or disgust. It just came to me and I've been handling it well for a while now but I guess you can only cover up depression for so long before you snap.

I make up my mind and open the top drawer. I know I hid it in here, it's not a razor blade, it's a pocket knife. It's new, my cousin gave it to me for Christmas last year, he said that he wanted me to visit him and his girlfriend in America and try to go hunting. I can't kill an animal but I can try killing myself, that's an ironic twist don't ya think?

I sigh in relief seeing the knife. It soothes me and makes me feel calm and less nervous. The best way to describe this is like being a little kid and having that one toy or blanket that you had to get washed but as soon as it was clean everything was good again. "Long time no see old friend." I say pulling the knife out of the cover and looking at the clean and shiny blade. I take my finger and run it across the sharp part of the blade taking in the sharpness of the blade. My heart skips a beat at the feeling I've seemed to miss so much. I turn over to my bed and sit on the side looking at the knife.

Just one cut. I think to myself. That's all I need is one, one deep-no.. it can't be deep, it will show to much and I've gotten rid of my bracelets... but just one cut. I take the blade and place it onto my wrist. I tighten my hand around the base of the knife and begin to dig the blade into my skin.

"Aha..~" I release a shaky breath. The pleasure is unimaginable. Once I pull the knife away I see it. The beautiful crimson trail left behind by the sliver steel. I admire the knives work. The cut isn't to deep and it's a clean and horizontal line across my wrist. "Ahahaha!" I laugh laying back on my bed, my arms fall by side. The release I feel after just that one cut makes me feel so much better. Maybe just one more. I say laying down and bring my hands up, I look at the blood slowly moving down my arm as I position the knife a little lower and get ready to make my second cut.

*Knock Knock*

I jolt up and quickly shove the knife back into the box, completely forgetting about the cover.

"Taehyung?" I hear my grandmother ask. Fuck! I grab my wrist and wrap a dirty shirt around it then run into my bathroom and close the door behind me.