A Stranger To Yourself (Previously I Curse You All, To Hell And Back)

Thoughts at 3:00 AM

Short chapter sorry but its just giving you one last taste of normal before all hell breaks loose. (Literally!) The song above is The Other by Lauv. Although some people might think its about heartbreak it really isn't it's about wonder and questions. You'll get when you read (Come of you) Love you!

Alexander's P.O.V

After Katia had left my office I had no idea what had happened and i swear I had been disoriented for two hours after she'd left. I had felt so much better after she'd left. I had no Idea what I had been expecting when she walked into my office. The thoughts that were going around in my head were no longer about my imminent destruction on her birthday or hurting her even more to get her to realize it. But she did it all by herself.

She'd thought it through, found someone to help her and finally took action, telling me what she had on her mind and let out all of her frustrations. Even when we'd been small she had never talked much about her problems. Of course I knew she was having family issues but, me being the total pussy I was never one to ask about it.

I saw the look of sadness and frustration on her face but never did what I thought to be was push. I hadn't realized that she needed someone to push to help her let everything out and speak what was driving her insane. I just hoped that one day she would find someone who helped her do that, I knew katia was strong, I'd known it since we were 5 years old. For one she dealt with the shit her family gave her, of course she had abandonment issues, insecurities but he hid them well.

But the most intriguing and most special thing I knew about Katia was that she hadn't gone insane, she hadn't fought back when her 'sister's' had bullied her, she hadn't burst out when she needed it so badly. But the one thing that got me was that she hadn't gone insane.

She hadn't gone mad with the thoughts that terrorized her and floated through her mind everyday. Because till this day, this year, this second, my whole life, I knew her as the strongest person I had ever met and probably will meet.

I was glad she had pushed me away romantically. She needed someone with initiative and understanding. The only reason I'd really never asked her about her problems was because I knew I'd run away being the pussy I was. I couldn't deal with all of it but I just hoped she would find someone who could deal with it. Someone that would push her to her limits and make her explode with all the thoughts she'd never told anyone.

I wanted her to find someone who knew when to stop and when to listen to her and when not to. She needed someone who knew when to push even after she told them to stop. Someone who knew the difference between when she wanted to be alone or be hugged to death. I had never payed attention to the small things about Katia but I could just hope that she would find someone who would know her inside out and treat her the way she deserved.

Now the thoughts swirling to my head were about the person she was talking about, her antidote she'd called him. She'd talked about him like he was her prince charming, her cure. Maybe she'd found that person, the person I hoped would know her inside and out. That got me thinking and here I was at 3:00 AM laying in my bed thinking and asking myself the same question over and over again. 

Who was my mate?