A Stranger To Yourself (Previously I Curse You All, To Hell And Back)

One-sided Confessions

Hey!.... *Insert nervous laugh* Please don't kill me! I didn't abandon you, I still love you very VERY MUCH! Anyway yes here's our homegirl Katia, we love her. Can we get a round of applause please?! Yesssss. Okay so the song above is Sorry by Halsey. Honestly I don't know who this represents the best because it represents everyone here. You guys can decide, comment who you think it represents the best. Now go ahead I won't keep holding you back. BYE LOVE UUUUU!!!

Katia's P.O.V

It's been a month and three weeks since Nathan left to take care for his sister. He hasn't contacted me at all and trust me, I've tried. Call, text, landline, home phone, I even tried to use a pigeon! But daisy ended up in the bird bath instead. The whole time I've been worried but I've become less insecure about Nathan hurting me. I knew everything was complicated at the time with Alexander, who might not even be my mate and Nathan whom I had no idea about but I couldn't help but feel safe.

I felt safe when he was around me and even though we hadn't talked since I had began re-associating with Alexander, when I needed him, he was there. He listened to me while I blabbered on and on about my feelings and my problems. He didn't care about how I had soaked his shirt with my tears.

The thing that got to me most is that he stayed. Even when he didn't have the styed. Even when I used to talk to Alexander in the woods about my family and when the Moon goddess and I would catch up everyone in a while, neither of them ever stayed. Alexander always used to go inside for dinner when his mother called him and I'd just stay outside, wallowing in my own misery until I went back, and sometimes I'd fall asleep at our spot and come home the next morning to see everyone sleeping like angels with no worry in the world.

The next day at breakfast no one talked or asked where I went. They always left me alone. That's what I was for most of my life, alone. Now, with the Moon goddess it had been a little different because, she'd stay and listen but after waking up from crying myself to sleep I was always in my room where she'd leave me afterwards reading a note that told me that she had to get back to her 'job' and that shed see me soon.

I loved her and I appreciated the fact both her and Alexander listened to me but I had always needed them for more than just a moment but they always left after the big meltdown. So it meant the world and more time that NAthan stayed. It had been so long before then since we'd actually had a conversation aside from the talking in the hallways and yet he didn't run out like a scared puppy while I cried. Sure he had left afterwards but he had a valid reason and usually Alexander and the Moon Goddess left right after I cried or fell asleep but Nathan had laid with me and comforted me.

As I'd mentioned it had been a month and three weeks since he left and now, there were only two weeks until my birthday. Guilt had been all but eating me alive from the time since I had realized I'd kissed Nathan. I came to terms with the fact that I had to tell Alexandr but till now I hadn't had the guts to walk up to him and tell him.

Actually,'not sure if he'll even care because I had my suspicions of the non-mate stuff and it was still fresh in my mind. I had tried to block the other side of my brain that was reasoning what I already thought but wouldn't admit. Even if he was my mate, my love for him had diminished and I felt nothing but a friendly smile grace me when I saw him now.

I'd come to terms with it and had thought it over countless times in my head. I didn't love Alexander as a mate anymore but as a friend. And I think I was falling for Nathan. But I'd just have to wait to see if he felt the same. Alexander had rejected me and that obviously meant he didn't love me.

Now all I had left to do was talk to him about it.

That was going to go well.

Alexander's P.O.V

Over the past few weeks I could sense that Katia was avoiding me and I could feel the Mate sense slipping away. Now there were two weeks till her birthday and my plan had been working perfectly but I could still smell the worry coming from her when we ever got within a 10 foot radius and that made me worried. Me and Katia had started as friends and that's the way we'd end it. As friends. And that meant that I still worried when she was worried.

Suddenly I smelled something, Katia was coming. I had been in my study all morning and had been working on some things here and there but mostly rejoicing in the fact that I wouldn't get killed and that I could no longer hurt Katia with my insecurities and stupidity.

She came into my office wearing sweatpants, a big grey t-shirt with the band logo sleeping with sirens on it in white and her hair in a messy bun at the back of her head. She came and sat on the chair at the opposite of me and gave me a nervous lopsided smile, I arched my brow in question, "Damn, that eyebrow! Go a little higher and it'll go to Asia!" She said in a joking manner, i laughed and saw relief flood her face and she smiled again.

Her face turned serious again and she sat up, leaning her elbows onto her knees, "I wanted to talk to you." She said firmly, "Okay." I said, trying to match her level of seriousness. She gave an adorable head nod and sat back, putting her hands in her lap and lacing her fingers together, "I wanted to talk to you about us." She said carefully, my eyes went wide, we hadn't talked about 'us' since her last mental breakdown over it. I really hoped she didn't want us to continue trying, now that I'd found out about this... mistake i couldn't help but see how everything that was unfolding worked out entirely fine.

She opened her mouth again and what came out shocked me, she went into a loud rant about how I had never loved her as a mate which may be true, I'd never been romantic with her besides the one kiss we share, still true. I hadn't thought of her as a mate for awhile, also true. And finally how she feels the same. "I just don't think we're mates Alexa." She said, calling me by the anoying but loving nickname she would call me when we were little.

"I don't know how this is possible or how it happened or what's wrong with my head but I know that this," She motioned with her hand between us, "isn't right." She shook her head, "But I think I found the right thing for me, you made me cry, sad, happy, laugh, miserable, and i don't hate you, I don't hate you at all. You are my best friend and always will be." She walked up to me and hugged me, wrapping her arms around my abdomen she rested her chin on my shoulder while I gave her the same hug. A goodbye hug. "But you, romantically, are ruining me. I've found a cure for the plague and I'm going to drink it until I get better. And when I do get better I will thank it forever, but I will also thank you for being my plague because without you I wouldn't have experienced what I needed to to find the antidote that saved my life." She finished.

She pulled back and gave me a small kiss on the cheek, "Thank you." She whispered softly, and like that she was gone. Like a wisp of the wind with a flash of light she was out the door. And even for a guy who just got whatever could be close to getting dumped in this situation. I had never felt better.