Name of story: The Night Window Demon
Author: @taffish
Review done by: Ginvera24
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S U M M A R Y
Short and sweet. Straight to the point. I love it. Well, that's about it for a really short summary.
A B O U T Y O U R S T O R Y
Okay, here comes the REAL criticism.
"It was just one night." Great hook. It creates this aura of mystery that pulls the reader into reading the next paragraph. I mean, why that night? Why not yesterday, or tomorrow? *looks forward*
"...one night...that night...that night..."
UGH. WHY WHY WHY?!?!?? Sorry, Friend, I just CAN'T STAND words being repeated. Try to use a different word of the same meaning next time, or it'll just get annoying.
"There was no more time...next two days..." ???
Whatcha talking about? There's still like, 48 hours?!?
Hmm, reading the first sentence of the forth paragraph, I like how this 'character' doesn't actually care about the poor townspeople. In fact, she even mentioned that she initially had the idea of pickpocketing from them, but she shrugged it off by saying that they weren't worth pickpocketing from.
Right now, up till half of the book, I just want to mention the numerous grammar mistakes you've made. I mean, dude, they're GRAMMAR MISTAKESS, so you're either really young, or you're English is really bad. Sure thing, you've got the character and the plot, but you DON'T have everything else. Apart from tall and towering, what does the academy look like? How does your main character look like? How does her enemy look like? Think about it.
Okay, moving on.
Wow girl, she went from 'oh the rich wouldn't mind when they're money was used to cure the sick' to 'I'd looveee to see them wail and cry when they're precious coins are gone.' Nice change.
YES. YES. YES. The ending was so different from what I had in mind. I love dark stories. It left me with so many questions in my head like, 'who is that girl?' To 'what about her mom?' And to 'does Magane have secret powers?!?'
O V E R A L L
Could have been a great read if not for the various grammar mistakes. Try adding more descriptions and purple prose to improve your story. Other than that, the plot is amazing.
G R A D E
Writing: 2 (and a half)/5
What I liked: 3 (and a half)/5
What I did not like: –2 (AT LEAST, for the grammar)
Total: 4/10
Hm, Writing could be improved if more descriptions were added.
YOU ARE READING
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