Winternight Reviews (CLOSED)

The Day I Lost Almost Everything

Book name: The Day I Lost Almost Everything

Author: @A_Linwoodx

Review Done By: Ginvera24

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S U M M A R Y

I don't like the cover. I'm going to be frank with you right now, and I'm NOT in a good mood, so you'll probably be seeing a LOT of honesty. I mean, it has a cover and all that shit, but it's just SOOOO PLAIN.

A title, check. A name, check. Yet it doesn't draw my attention. You see, it does have it's good points, but that's what makes it bad — IT HAS NOTHING MORE THAN A TITLE AND A NAME, PLUS SOME RANDOM PAIR OF HANDS. To make things worse, the author doesn't even bother to change the font to something much more interesting. *stubbornly sticks to the normal typewriter font*

I'm not a graphic editor, but I DO know what turns us readers down. Let's move to the summary.

Short and sweet. It has a minor spelling error, and it's quite formal — in fact it's too formal. Your second sentence clearly TELLS instead of SHOWS, and that fazes me a little. I mean, Friend, it's a SUMMARY. You don't need to be thaaattttt formal. Loosen up a little, and create a hook that actually draws readers to read your story. In fact, it's a thriller book hun......SO MAKE IT MYSTERIOUS AND THRILLER-Y!!

In short, your title and your story isn't working. As in, (cough) you aren't drawing views AT ALL......much less votes. Both of them needs serious change.

I don't even need to go to the toilet to know that my hair is in drool.

T H E R E S T O F Y O U R S T O R Y

"It was dark, dark and cold as the universe sky,......" ??? Shouldn't it be 'as dark as' and 'the sky of the universe'? Something about universe sky sounds weird. You really need to work on your descriptions.

HHAAHAHAAAHHAA. WHY AM I LAUGHING, you ask?? Because the first paragraph rhymes lmao. Okay......back to topic......there's a ton of incorrect stuff here.

"It was dark, dark and cold as the universe sky, [???] impossible to see anything, no matter how much I tried. But slowly the darkness fade away and I saw where I was. A room, a very small one, with no windows, no doors. Just a tiny cube with greyish old walls [that was] full of cracks."

Bleh. I'm at the third paragraph, and there's a ton of incorrect vocab used. I just want to say that, although you are making a picture of what this guy is doing and where and what is happening to this guy in my head, and in fact it's really clear, too clear, because you're actually TELLING it to me. Like legit.

So let's go back to the stuff we learned in third grade. Remember 'show not tell'? Well, learn that, and apply it. You're 'telling' too much and practically not 'showing' at all. And boy, do you need to work on those purple proses.

Oh god, another one. "I wasn't afraid yet my body was unable to move." Then how did you fall on your knees? OH AND YOU EVEN RAN WITHOUT GETTING UP! GREAT JOB! "My own heart made the annoying noise [that] seemed like a peaceful melody." Bleh. Aren't your scared??

*claps and facepalms*

"The blood bumped aggressively into my head." Whaaa — 'let's have a bumper car ride!! Yay!' Blood screams with joy.

"Desperation appeared." Telling~~

Again, you're either really young, or English isn't your thing. Because your past tense is all over the place, and you have plenty of incorrect punctuation. Try to even it out by practicing the theory of punctuated equilibrium.

I've lost interest because of the constant telling and the lack of conversation. It's too bland, with boring paragraphs all chucked together, and common, simple words topped off with a huuugeeee ball of short sentences.

O V E R A L L

I pretty much just said everything above so haha.

G R A D E

Writing: 0/5

What I liked: 1/5

What I did not like: -3

Total: 0/10

I wanted to give a negative. What's with the bad writing I get these days......