Winternight Reviews (CLOSED)

Off The Grid

Book name: Off the grid

Author: @calmingfire

Review done by: Ginvera24

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S U M M A R Y

Nice cover. Is it science fiction? No? Nope. Look, idk why the cover is even a legit topic on this review shit, but it is so, in just ONE word, I'm going to classify it: Sci-Fic. Well, technically that's two words, but meh.

FRIEND, ITS EVEN FUTURISTIC......HOW IS IT NOT SCI-FIC??

*scrolls down to the tag section* nope, nothing there. You should seriously consider changing your book genre. Hmm, apart from that, I guess your summary's fine......not enough info to keep your readers hooked, but definitely enough for a proper summary, if that's what you're looking for. But on the other hand, it's NOT enough to give your reader a view of this futuristic city and their happy little problems, because it's too brief. I mean, at this point, what I know is that there's two rival cities and the agencies that control them, (did I get that right?) plus some random mafia gangs robbing one of those cities.

What I don't get is the underground shit. Which city is above the ground? Are both of them UNDER earth? Or above, perhaps? And you didn't even tell us what's so bad bout this 'reawakened cult'. And where exactly is the grid and the ghosciety? I mean, 'within, beside, and underneath'? You're telling me there's more than one ghosciety? Most importantly: who's your main character here?

At least English definitely isn't a problem for you, so I'm actually looking forward to review a book that isn't riddled with grammar mistakes, incorrect vocab, wrong sentence structure, etc.

Anddddd......just one thing. You started your book on August 8......and your last update is on Dec 23. So technically, you update real slow. Uh, I'm not blaming you for it, I mean, I started my book last year.......went on hiatus......rewrote it......and now I'm suffering from a major Writers block. But I'M REVIEWING A BOOK NOW, so my advice is for you to keep your updates to an average of at least once per week.

P R O L O G U E

It's too purple prose-y. You're littering words and tossing them around just to make someone lose interest. I mean, you're DESCRIBING stuff more than the actual actions, so let's do a ratio now. About 5:3 if you'd ask me, and that's too many. Like, since the start of this, all they did was talk, watch a man talk, and recite a speech, and talk about some 'she' (foreshadowing), and recite again. C'mon! That's booorrrringggg~

I like to quote stuff from paragraphs, but there's really almost nothing to quote as the talking is doing most of the actions here.

T H E R E S T O F Y O U R B O O K

Iris is a tricky character. Well, at least all that purple prose has been removed from the story, I can now READ. But there's just ONE problem. Why do you avoid one to one dialogue? Like when apologising to the woman, or when Iris is talking to the bartender? Not to mention her feud with the waiter. Plus now the only conversation she has is with herself......and she just smiles. Everything close to dialogue and Iris has been either, one, smiling at the person, or two, a person smiles at her but says nothing.

We've gone through 15 paragraphs without conversation. Worse still, the only productive thing she has done was tell us that she was some undercover spy lying low on a place she shouldn't be attending.

Annnddd why exactly is the bartender overacting on Iris not talking to him? That's funny lmao. Awkward conversation.

Right now, I'm on chapter three, and Iris is so......unlikable. She acts as if she's higher than the rest of the human community by the disgusted thoughts of touching another human, and that's......sick. I mean, it sounds like another Celaena Sardothien (Throne Of Glass, get it? No?), just savagery and no remorse for the people she murdered. In fact, she's TOO PROUD at her skills, just wants to get the job done, as if killing someone is exactly like biting into a burger.

I like savage, but most people don't. So I'll check it as unlikable.

Same for Jon. The only thing I'll probably deem as 'like' in this book is the foreshadowing and the action writing. It keeps me reading for some unknown reason.

O V E R A L L

Definitely not enjoyable but has the ability to hook readers. This book has potential to actually be interesting IF it has more dialogue. Great English and great action writing. Also, you like to make your characters talk to themselves instead of THINKING. You show us really little thoughts. Like they have no emotions or something. But that's about it.

G R A D E

Writing: 3 (and a half)/5

What I liked: 2/5        (The part which she absorbed the amulet)

What I did not like: -3

Total: 2 (and a half)/10

Redo.