Not Sure If You're A Boy or A Girl~ Reddie

Call Me Eddie

A/N: so I've been struggling trying to put Emily/Eddies feelings into words. Some of the things she thinks are uneducated and may upset people but please understand I'm just trying to portray the inner battle they're having about being Trans. Also if it's bothering everybody about the pronouns rest assured we will evolve to their preferred pronouns and name here soon.
•••••
Emily wrapped her fathers oversized flannel closer to her body as she and Bev approached the gas station. It was one of the only articles of clothing her mother could justify as mourning and not an interest in men's things. Both girls had forgotten to snag something cool for the meeting tonight, but Bev assured they'd make do. The stopped outside of the store. Bev turned to Emily a devious smile gracing her cheeks. Her tired eyes losing their distant stare for a moment as she explained the plan.
"Ok, you go in and distract the guy. I'll run out with the shit."
"What? You don't have cash?"
"I mean, no.. but even if I did I don't have a fake ID."
Emily eyes expanded as her brow shot up. She could feel her stomach drop into her legs as they began to shake.
"Relax, I've done this a thousand times. Just ask him for directions or something."
And with that Beverly pushed her friend towards the door. Emily's fingers fumbled with her fanny pack as she retrieved her inhaler. She took a deep breath, nodded slightly and headed in.
The inside of the store was dingy to say the least. The floor clung to Emily's shoes as her eyes wandered from one ancient advertisement to another. She walked up to the cashier, an older man with leather for skin and nicotine stained slicked back hair, he looked her way wearing a reserved smile.
"What you want Boy? Pack a gum? Just went up about 5 cents."
Emily couldn't help but feel a smile tingle on her cheeks at the thought of his mistake.
"No sir," she said, straining to lower her voice, " I'm new in town, I was hoping you could tell me where the arcade was."
The mans smile grew wide, "Oh sure, that place is hoppin on Friday nights. Where ya from, uh."
"Eddie, sir, I'm Eddie. We moved from Portland about a month ago. I'm still trying to find my way around town." The inside of her cheek found its way between her teeth silently hoping he bought the lie.
"Ok Eddie," The man continue to talk, using his hands to signal his directions. Emily smiled and nodded when appropriate, but all her mind could focus on was the idea of being a man. The name came to her quickly. She realized after she spoke it may have to do with her obsession with Rocky Horror and Meatloaf. Not that her mother would ever stand for such flaming homoerotocism in her home. On one of the gangs late night tv marathons it popped on and Rich, Bev and her were hooked.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Bev make her escape, charging out the door. The cashier looked away from their conversation for a moment, eyes narrowed.
"On second thought, I'll spring for a pack of gum. What's 5cents when your talking a good stick of gum."
•••••
"I can't believe you two, how many times are we gonna be fuckin shown up by girls?!" Rich exclaimed letting the smoke that was rattling around his lungs fill the air. Emily couldn't help but be flattered that he aimed in the opposite direction of her.
~He just doesn't wanna have to perform CPR idiot. Calm down, even if he cares about you now.. he won't if you ever tell him what you really are~
"Can it Trashmouth, the girls have always been badasses."
Ben looked over to Beverly who didn't seem all that impressed with his ass kissing, but wasn't totally opposed either. Emily knew this was directed at Bev anyway. She wasn't a badass. She didn't even have the courage to tell her closest friends the epiphany she stumbled upon a few months ago. In the back of her mind she always knew, but it wasn't until recently that she actually put the words to the feeling.
~I was born in the wrong body. I'm not a girl~
The first time she even dared to think it in the cold light of day she could feel the anxiety swirl in her stomach. What followed after a severe panic attack was weeks in bed wrapping her mind around the idea. She knew her Mother would never accept her. Her friends..? She was afraid to find out. Would Bev cut off the sleepovers? Would the boys think she was just an attention seeker? What about Rich? The kid never shut up, saying whatever popped into his skull. He was blunt. It's one of the things she admired about him. She always knew where she stood. But with this? She was afraid of the raw opinions he would have. In a perfect world Emily would be Eddie and Rich would be her boyfriend and things would be ok. But Richie wasn't gay and Emily wasn't a boy.
Emily inadvertently let out a heavy sigh trying to expel some of her racing thoughts through her lips. Richie turned to her. The light from the fire bounced off his coke bottle glasses while his lips pursed in thought.
"Yah ok there Em?"
She nodded, picking at a string on her sleeve. Along with the fear of not being accepted there was the guilt. Until she realized why she was so miserable, so uncomfortable in her own fucking skin, Rich and her had been inseparable. They'd been friends for years, back when the gang was just them, Stan and Bill, but somewhere in the last year or so they just clicked. Neither could really place why, but they both had these terrible nightmares about shape shifting clowns and trudging around sewers. Neither of them could talk to their parents. Emily's mother would put her on an antipsychotic and Richie's parents would have to be around in order to listen to their son. It started with late night phone calls, talking until The Sun came up and it would be safe to nap before school. Quickly, it developed into a stealthy operation of Rich climbing through her window, sleeping on the floor next to her bed, and waking up an hour before Mrs. K to get the hell out. No one else knew for fear of people thinking they'd lost it. But after the anxiety episode resulting in Emily's absence from school for a while things had been different.
Emily opened her mouth to make up some bullshit excuse about fatigue but was cut off by the bottle of whiskey in her face. Everyone stared at her with goofy grins knowing she'd take a sip and pass it on. Em wasn't much for drinking or smoking. A fact Rich used to bring up often while singing the words to Adam Ant's 'Goody Two Shoes'. Maybe she miscalculated or maybe she really just wanted to get the fuck out of her own head but Emily tipped back the bottle and began to chug. She relaxed her throat just as if she was taking her bullshit sugar pills.
"W-Woah Em, b-b-be careful!" Bill warned as she finished her last mouthful handing a much more empty bottle to Mike. She let a breath out slow trying not to fight the fire burning down her throat. Mike gave her a nod of approval before taking a swig for himself.
That's when things started moving fast. There were uproars of laughter and drunken singing as the kids drank and smoked their hearts out. Em usually stayed pretty close to sober for these things, maybe nursing a beer, but now as she felt light as the air and could see double of anything she focused really hard on she understood why everyone had so much fun.
"Alcohol is fun!" She practically screamed at her dark haired friend. Ben and Bev had disappeared at this point and so had Bill and Stan. Mike got up saying something about firewood but Emily wasn't really listening. She was talking a lot but her ears had tuned out. Alcohol was definitely a social lubricant.
"Yeah, dude I've been saying that for years." Rich chuckled, now catching the girl who fell lazily in his lap.
She looked up at the boy, "You used to look like a turtle. Now that your all grown up you don't."
Emily reached up pressing her fingertips to his jaw. It was so sharp she half expected blood to rain down on her.
"Thanks, you used to look like a girl."
She dropped her arm down. The whiskey was really clogging her head at that point. She was pretty sure that was rude, but was it meant to be? It didn't offend her, actually it made her happy, but what way did he mean it?
"Fuck you, Trashmouth. Maybe I wanna look like a boy."
Richie shook his head like that was the craziest thing he'd ever heard.
"Ok, be a boy. You'll still be my best friend."
"Really?" Emily tried to lift her head up, heart beating faster than it ever had. It took another try but she got there, "Do you mean it?"
Richie's brow furrowed. He thought for a minute pushing his giant glasses higher on the bridge of his nose.
"Fuck yeah, dude. Whatever you wanna be as long as I still get to hang out with you," Richie then did something Emily never thought she'd seem him do. He grabbed her slender hand in his and looked into her eyes, "Emily, I like your brain not your genitals."
Emily's throat went dry, her brain shutting down. She waited a moment to see if he'd burst into laughter. Was this a joke? If the world wasn't spinning before it certainly was now.
"Eddie, call me Eddie."