Not Sure If You're A Boy or A Girl~ Reddie

Should I stay or Should I go?

Authors Note!!!
Hey guys! I know it's been a looooonnnggg time but I'm back🤘🏻❤️ If I'm being honest writers block slaughtered me. I can't leave this unfinished though. Try to give me another chance please! We're almost at the end..

             ~You are nothing but a sex object~

Eddie looked up with bloodshot eyes to meet Richie's tongue sticking out of his head. Rich had scribbled this on a grease stained napkin while Eddie looked over his omelette with no appetite and Bev poured over a map of Kennebunk.
Rich slid it over to the boy nonchalantly.It was the first time in three days Eddie didn't have to force a smile. A light chuckle even passed through his lips.
They'd made it to Richie's Grandfathers cabin in about four hours. The stress alone from the fact that none of them had licenses was enough to send Eddie puffing away at a cigarette. He'd smoked so many that night he'd given himself a headache. Officially putting to rest his fondness for the habit.
When they'd made it to the cabin they were greeted by frozen pipes and thick layer of dust on every possible surface. What Eddie had hoped would be a romantic adventure turned into a family vacation from hell. On top of everything the nightmares were getting worse. Not even Richie's warm body pressed up against him at night could keep the Leper, who now resembled his own mother, away.
EmmyBear? Where's my beautiful princess?
Don't let that Tozier cretin soil your purity.
Bev looked up from her map to see the silent exchange beside her.
"I can't keep up with you lovebirds. Wasn't Eddie about to rip your head off this morning about a toothbrush?"
It was true, in all the commotion of leaving Richie had forgotten to pack most of his toiletries. Eddie, the ever prepared, had one in his fanny pack and a whole slew of mini shampoo, conditioner and body wash bottles in the second pack. Rich had said he'd buy one next time they were in town, but there was so much work to be done at the house he hadn't had the chance. And by morning three, the slime that coated his teeth was driving him postal.
"You used my fucking toothbrush? What the actual fuck, Richard!"
"What's the big deal? I've stuck my tongue down your throat before. It's essentially the same thing."
"No, no, no, this is insane. This is disgusting. Who raised you?"
"A pill head, remember?"
After stopping by the pharmacy in town earlier Eddie found the whole conversation a lot more amusing.
They hadn't heard from Richie's Mother yet. Eddie had pretty much lost hope that Janet would get in touch with them. After all she wasn't the most reliable.. when she came through she really came through but it was few and far between. Sure it'd only been a few days, but there was a sinking feeling in his gut telling him they needed a plan B. Or at least a more fleshed out plan A.
"Bev, I wouldn't expect you to understand a relationship as complex and mature as ours. This isn't like your grade school fling with Ben."
Rich would've punctuated his retort with a wiggle of his brow had he had time before a large chunk of egg hit his face.
Just then, their not so enthused waitress made her way over to the table. Her black frizzed hair fell onto her wrinkled cheeks as she rushed towards them. Eddie had seen her name tag earlier in their interaction, Sandy. Sandy didn't seem to have taken a liking to the portion of the Losers that she was stuck serving.
"You kids ready for your check?"
It was clear she was ready for the group to make their way home.
Eddie looked around the diner to find not another soul occupying the place. He assumed there was a cook in the back, but they were certainly the only customers. The window to his left was full length, corners covered in frost with a blinking open sign resting in the middle. Outside was grey. It had been grey for days with the occasional smattering of white from snowfall.
He wasn't particularly comfortable here, but it had good heat which is more than he could say for the cabin. The wood stove was their only hope not to freeze to death there and even that could only do so much for the poorly insulated home.
It had been Richies idea to sleep in the same bed. The lack of heat being a big influence in Eddies hesitant agreement. Despite all of Richie's jokes they'd never actually done anything but kissed and the thought of going any further was exciting, terrifying and a little embarrassing. How would that work exactly? His vagina would have to be part of equation.. right? The whole concept made his hands sweat. He shook away the thought looking up at Sandy to see her expectant glare aimed at his boyfriend.
Rich took his time lighting the cigarette between his lips, head slightly turned to the older woman as if to assure her he'd answer when he was good and ready.
"Sure, but can I get some more coffee first?"
Sandy's grimace deepened as she swiped the mug from the table.
They'd gone three days and all of breakfast avoiding the topic of the future. Eddie couldn't take it anymore..
"So are we going to talk about our next move? The money your Mom gave us isn't going to last forever. I mean, are we getting jobs? Staying permanently in the cabin?"
There was a strain in Eddie's voice as he trailed off, knowing there were more questions but too overwhelmed to pull them from his head.
"Well, technically speaking, we're three high school drop outs with no work experience, no trades and two of us can't use their real identities on applications."
Maggie Tozier probably hadn't thought of that when she'd heroically sent them on this adventure . None of them had. Their vision had been reduced to a pinpoint of fear. Now they had the time to step back and assess their situation. It wasn't looking good.
"Guys, we can't go back to Derry."
Bev was determined to keep pushing forward. She looked at Rich, who sat across from her eyes fixed on the ring of coffee that clung to a napkin, then beside her to Eddie. He was fumbling with the zipper of his fanny pack.
"There is no going back! That's a bridge burned.."
"So... we stay here."
Eddie piped up. Bev swung her eyes in his direction trying not to scream.
"That was the plan wasn't it?" The words dripped out of her mouth hanging in the air.
Sandy threw the mug of coffee on the table just in time to keep Beverly from exploding. It would've spilled onto the table had it actually been full. Instead the brown liquid sloshed from one side of the cup to the other, dripping only slightly down the sides. While still in Sandy's line of sight Richie tossed his cigarette in the mug, stood up and threw a few bills on the table.
Once back in the car Eddie felt a laugh bubble from his stomach and out his throat. He'd taken the back seat when they'd piled in. His whole body stretched across the bench as he tried to catch his breath.
His body was overcome with dread, but he couldn't stop laughing. Howling. Screatching. His friends couldn't help but stare at the outburst before them. Both necks craned from the seats in the front. Matching raised eyebrows.
"Ed's, what the fuck?"
"W-w-we probably w-w," Eddie sucked in, "w-w-we"
"Spit it out Bill Jr!"
"We probably won't b-be, getting j-jobs in that place a-any time soon." He managed to squeak out before the collapsing in his chest came back with a vengeance. He fumbled with his fanny pack, frantically throwing medical supplies all over the backseat.
Where was his fucking inhaler?
"R-rich?" He said between gasps.
Richard looked at Eddie for a moment, eyes narrowed, understanding what he wanted but not so sure he should give in. This was clearly a panic attack not an asthma attack. He didn't need the inhaler. He never did. If he started to hyperventilate he'd just pass out and start breathing normally again. That was all fact. All logical. But looking into Eddie's pleading wide eyes didn't make Rich think very logically.
In the time it took Bev to blink Richie lunged over her lap to the glove box, inside was a spare inhaler. He snapped it up, jumping out of the car only to hop back into the backseat.
Gently, he peeled Eddie's sweaty neck from the vynal seat, propping it up against his lap. He placed the inhaler against Eddie's quivering lips.
"Go ahead, Eds, breathe in."
The smaller boy latched onto the device. His hands found their way to the button. He took a deep breathe in calming him almost instantly.
Richie's hands fell onto his boyfriends shoulders, defeated. He looked up at Bev for a second, eyes locking, before she took the hint and got in the drivers seat.
•••
It was extremely unsettling not knowing what their future would be. Richie sat on the porch of his Grandfathers cabin, knee bouncing almost as quickly as his thoughts were racing. He looked out onto the afternoon sun. It was peaking out from under a patch of smokey clouds. It looked as if it'd be scorching but it was too cold for the heat to reach him. Not that it mattered.. his skin was numb.
The weight of the wood beneath him shifted as the old house let out a groan. He could smell Bev's vanilla heavy perfume but didn't bother to look at her.
"He's asleep."
Rich nodded subsequently pushing his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose.
"I'm glad I tagged along. You two are dangerous together." She snorted.
"It's hard to keep your shit straight when your whole life is crumbling," Rich began in a half hearted attempt to defend his boyfriend, " I mean, his Mother controlled his entire world. He doesn't even fucking have asthma."
Bev kept still.
"I mean can you imagine? Living in what most would consider a prison. Walking on eggshells your entire existence and then bam all of sudden you can't take it. You leave. And you've been so used to having someone else control your every move you're, paralyzed with fear to do anything."
A silence settled between the two as Bev grabbed the nearly empty pack of Marlboros that separated them.
She nodded her head as a trail of smoke erupted from her lungs.
"Yeah, Rich, I can imagine that. I fucking lived that for years."
Richie looked up at his friend. Her cheeks flushed from the cold air. An expression of pain wrapping its way around her face.
"When you finally get out it's hard, at first. I mean I had my Aunt.. financially speaking, but everything else was swept under the rug. There was no mention of him. What he did to me. What I had to do to him. But I just kept moving. I kept running and running and fuck I'm still running."
As she spoke, Beverly's hands moved wildly a line of smoke adding more ash to the air. Almost like she was painting.
"I don't have a better solution than that. You just keep going."
"Do you remember the," Rich winced as the words left his mouth, "The clown. Pennywise?"
Bev's mouth clamped shut. Her shoulders slumped as her heart fell down to her gut.
"That wasn't real Rich."
"Yes it was. You know it was."
"What's your point?" She snapped.
"You remember him. You remember us fighting him, well the first time at least."
She gave a slight nod.
"And when we were all arguing with you and Bill. You said you didn't want to run away from anything. You wanted to run towards something."
"That was different and you know it, Richard. That was a crappy inspirational line I could hold onto as a kid. And what did it get me? It got me shit. A house I still couldn't call home with a woman who saw me as a burden, a charity case."
"We're screwed either way. We can't go back but fuck we're not prepared for this. We are still kids. With no jobs, no licenses, no schooling and in a few months, if we stretch it, no money."
Bev shook her head.
"I don't even know how going back became an option. That's a bridge we've-
"Burned. I fucking know. What are you a walking dictionary of played out cliches?"
"Fuck you, Tozier."
"Ya gotta ask Eddie first." He smirked.
Bev shoved her friend hard causing him to tip over coaxing out a burst of laughter that was already on the tip of her tongue.
"Can it, Trashmouth. I going inside. My room still needs some TLC. I was thinking tomorrow if Eddie's feeling better we could go to the Salvation Army. Get some of our own shit in this place.. maybe put in a few job applications?"
Richie had regained his balance wrapping his mouth around an unlit cigarette.
"Yeah, yeah. Maybe."