Not Sure If You're A Boy or A Girl~ Reddie

What a Catch, Rich

Eddie's chest was flat allowing him to walk more freely, more confidently as he and the gang made their way to school. It'd been a week since he started binding and even when it left him sore it was better than the mental pain of letting his chest free. He'd even got the hang of doing it himself which left him with mixed feelings. On one hand, he was independent and tackling this on his own like an adult. On the other, it was nice to feel Rich's soft fingertips hesitantly wrapping around his skin. He'd never wanted to kiss the boy as much as he did then, but it would ruin what they had just started to rebuild. He wasn't even sure Rich would want him like that. If he was Emily? Yeah, maybe. Rich did say he was attracted to both sexes, but Eddie knew he was different. It was a lot to ask of someone to love him.
"Earth to Eds?"
Rich waved a hand in front of his face snapping him out of his pity induced trance. Somehow in the few moments he was thinking they'd not only arrived in school but made it as far as his locker.
"Sorry what?"
"The Winter Formal? Bill and Stan are going and Bens thinking about finally growing some nards and asking Bev."
"Cool."
The reply came out as more of a question.
~I get it all our friends wanna fuck. What's his point?~
"Yeah, so, ya know it'd be cool if we could hang around too. Just to see what all the hype's about. Do some people watching.. whatever."
It was Richie's turn to avoid Eddie's eyes at all costs. He could feel his face heating up and he wasn't sure if Ed really spaced out or if he was just trying to think of a way to let him down gently. The younger boy stared at Rich a smile creeping onto his freckled face.
"Are you asking me to the dance, Trashmouth?"
Richie glanced up for a moment before returning his focus on the speckled school tiles.
"Only if you wanna go."
"Yeah alright. Sounds fun, but I'm not wearing a dress."
Eddie grabbed his books slamming his locker. Rich continued to lean against the wall, hands shoved deep into his pockets. His brow furrowed at Eddie's reply.
"Why would you? You're a dude."
••••
Eddie knew telling his Mom he was going to the dance with Richard Tozier would end in a screaming match. It would only be worse if she knew he'd be in a button up and tie instead of a pretty pink puffed out princess cut dress. Eddie had several of those that were waiting in the back of his closet, never to be touched.
Bev sat on Eddie's bed singing along to 'Killer Queen' while he ripped every article of clothing out of his closet looking for- something.
"We only have two days before this thing and I can't find anything even close to slacks, a button up or a tie."
Bev gazed carelessly at her blood red nails( you'd think they'd clash with her hair-they didn't).
"So are you and Rich like a thing
now?"
Eddie froze, one hand clasping a midnight blue fairy cut dress with black trim.
"Uhm, what would give you that idea?"
Bev rolled her eyes as her mouth twisted impatiently.
"He asked you to the dance, duh."
"As friends."
"Did he say that?"
Eddie tossed the dress aside with a sigh.
"Well no but-"
"He's like totally in love with you. To the point where it's a little nauseating. He's always following you around like a lost puppy, coining nicknames for you, beating up your bullies."
"Everybody's bully," he corrected, "There's no way he likes me that way. I've got to much baggage.."
"That's crazy, you've got like a carry on. I've got like a three piece set."
Eddie chuckled. He loved Bev's positive yet depressing attitude. He sat down next to her on his bed. The past couple of weeks he felt like all he did was sit on his bed and think of reasons to keep going.
-Richie
-The Losers
-Queen
-Waking up one morning and seeing a man in the mirror
That was it so far.
Bev had picked up the blue dress running it through her fingers. She was still quietly humming when she met Eddie's eyes.
"I'll cut you a deal. You let me borrow this and you can have the money my Aunt gave me. I'll even go with you and pick something out."
Eddie looked at the dress and weighed his options. He really needed an outfit for the dance. He really hated those dresses. His Mom would never find out because at that point she was too heavy to climb up their narrow stairs to his bedroom. Eddie nodded his head eagerly.
"You can have it. You can have all of them."
•••
Richie walked downstairs and into a room he usually avoided like the plague. His living room used to be a nice place to hang out. The sofa was well loved and comfy. The TV was big and in color unlike the 12' tv he'd managed to sneak up into his room. And that's where all the good slasher flicks were stored-in a pie safe next to the loveseat.
But now his living room was a home for closed curtains, a wine stained carpet, and the silent sobs of his mother in the middle of the night when she thought no one was listening.
Rich stepped into a cloud of smoke as he jumped off the half step into the room. His mother looked at him and he at her. Richie hadn't actually looked at his mother in over a year. Her dark hair fell limply in front of her ragged face while she took a long drag off her cigarette. She was too fucking thin. Her skull was only being held back by a fine layer of veined skin.
"What do you need, Richard?"
Mrs Tozier didn't mean to sound mad, but she wasn't particularly excited to see her son either. Like everything else after her original episode she felt numb. Occasionally she would get really fed up and try to end it- usually a handful of pills and some whiskey, but Ritchie always managed to find her. He'd call 911 or one he actually drove her to the hospital. She was fairly certain that he was eleven at the time, but a tall eleven. The doctors would change her meds or up her dose and she'd go back to sitting in the living room, wasting away.
Her son was struggling, even through Prozac clouded eyes she could see it. She wanted to help but couldn't get past herself to do so. Still in this moment as her son stumbled through what to say, she softened. One of her bony arms outstretched to the spot next to her.
"Come here, dear. Tell me about it."
Richie jumped at the chance to be near his mother. He slid onto the cushion next to her and took a deep breath in. Marlboro Lights and baby powder, just like when he was a kid.
"Ma, I've got to tell you something ."
Richie kept his eyes fixed on her skeletal hands, the left still bearing the classic gold ring and giant diamond. A symbol of nothing.
"Anything, honey."
"I need you to keep your mind open."
He wasn't 100% sure why he was spilling his guts to the stranger that gave birth to him. But here he was. His mother nodded. She looked focused for the first time in a long time.
"Mom, I'm in love with Emily. Like completely."
"Kaspbrak?" Maggie held in a chuckle. She didn't want to discourage him and the laugh itself wasn't mean spirited. She just couldn't believe Rich was taking this so seriously. A little crush wasn't the end of the world. Nothing had made her smile like that in years.
"Yeah, but no. It's not Emily anymore. It's Eddie now. She realized she was born in the wrong body and she is actually a He. And I'm in love with him. I asked him to the dance and he said yes but I think he thinks that we're going as friends and I'd like to tell him how I feel but he just came out and I don't want to stress him out," once Richie started talking he couldn't stop. He knew if the losers where here someone would beep him, "I just can't stop thinking about him. And does that make me gay? Because I liked him when he was Emily. Like I thought she was beautiful and smart and my best friend. Then we stopped talking and one night we were all hanging out, you know Bill and Stan and-
"Richie, honey, just breathe."
"Ma? Am I gay?"
Richie looked at his mother with watery eyes. There wasn't anything wrong with being gay, he knew that. But at the same time he was afraid. He wouldn't be normal.
Maggie curled her long fingers around her sons shoulder pulling him towards her chest. He began to cry taking in her warmth. A minute or so passed before she grabbed hold of his shoulders moving him away.
"Richard, look at me," he complied, slightly nervous of what she would say, "sexuality is fluid and at the end of the day whether or not you like a boy doesn't matter. If you don't do something because of the way you think you'll look you'll end up miserable. Do what makes you able to enjoy life. What Emily has discovered about herself is a unique situation but if you truly love he-
She stopped herself, "him you'll support him no matter what. Should you tell him about your feelings right now," she paused, "Maybe give him some time. He'll come around, your a sweet, handsome boy. Your a catch, Richie. But don't just bottle up your feelings because you're afraid to be abnormal. You'll never be happy that way, dear."
She ended her speech with a tussle of his hair.
"Do you have a nice dress shirt? Do you need a tie?"
Rich felt his smile grow to the point his cheeks ached. It was nice to have a Mom, even if it was just for a few minutes.