Not Sure If You're A Boy or A Girl~ Reddie

Runaways

IT was dead or so Emily hoped as she tried to close her eyes and fall asleep. Every time she did the leper appeared in the otherwise darkness of her room. His decaying flesh and tattered clothes swaying in the breeze of the AC.
"Pennywise is dead, gone, rotting in the bottom of the sewers. Calm down, E."
Emily hated her name and often would replace it with her first initial. She only ever did it when she was alone and didn't have to pretend to be anything she wasn't.
These nightmares had been torturing her for weeks. During the day it was hard to recall what exactly happened over the summer. School had begun bringing in the golden leaves and cool air. IT seemed like a hazy blur.
But now, in the eerie silence of her bedroom Emily could remember everything.
The Leper scooping up her pills on the side of the abandoned house on Neibolt. It's teeth literally dropping on the ground as it smiled, slimy hand reaching for her.
She'd broken her arm in that house. Her bones stretching the surrounding skin into an S-shape. Pennywise caressing her agape mouth preparing to eat her fear.
Bill on one side of her shaking form and Richie on the other as IT stalked closer and closer to them. The pain was excruciating. Bent nerves firing from her broken bones up her spine like flaming ice. Yet, it was nothing compared to the terror twisting in her gut.
She remembered screaming and cursing and crying when Richie said he'd pop her arm back into place. His eyes wide, face flushed and dripping with sweat. His clammy hands pressing on her already sensitive skin.
After the initial fight, the losers split up. Her Mother screamed at her all the way to the emergency room. She swore Emily would never see any of those hooligans again. And that night, as she endured her mother's beatings she really believed she wouldn't.
Then IT took Bev. And Emily stood up to her Mother. Finally letting out her rage about the abuse and placebos by throwing her pills at the vile woman.As she ran from her house she could barely stomach the lies that she'd been fed. And as frustrated as she was with Sonia Kaspbrak she was just as upset with herself. In that moment, knowing she was walking to her certain doom she understood she had been her biggest enemy. She had been lying to herself. Looking down at her beat up chucks and feeling her mess of hair concealed by her cap she knew that she wasn't a she at all. Emily Faith Kaspbrak was in all truth a boy.
As Emily peeled open her eyelids confronted by the blackness she knew she'd repress this come morning. She always did. The relief and contradicting dread would be stuffed back inside her soul, but for now it was too much.
Emily crept down the stairs careful not to wake her Mother. Her bloated form was illuminated by the blue light of the TV, reassuring Emily she was fast asleep. She stood by the phone, feet chilled by the kitchen tile, trying to think of who she could call.
Beverly's Aunt would have a fit at a the phone ringing this late in the night (or early in the morning depending on your disposition). Bill wasn't particularly easy to have a conversation with over the phone, unfortunately. She didn't feel close enough to Ben or Stan to bother them and she didn't even have Mike's number. That left only one Loser available, Trashmouth.
Richie didn't talk about his home life very much, but she'd gathered enough to be confident in the fact that his parents wouldn't care about the hour. She also figured if anyone else would be up it'd be him.
The phone rang a few times before she heard a click.
"Tozier Sperm Bank, you squeeze it we freeze it."
"Richie?"
"Oh shit, Em?"
" Don't call me that."
"Ms. Kaspbrak," Richie exclaimed in falsetto. Emily could practically see his goofy grin as he continued, "Are you aware of the time? A young lady, such as yourself, should be getting her beauty sleep. We've a big day of afternoon tea and debutant balls tomorrow."
"Is a simple hello too much to ask, Rich?" She grumbled.
He let out a soft chuckle, "At three in the morning? Yeah maybe."
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I just.."
Emily trailed off as her heart began to fill her throat.
"Nah, I was already up."
"Oh, ok."
"Why, what's wrong?"
"Richie, do you," she took a breath, "do you remember anything weird about this past summer?"
The other end went quiet.
"You mean my whirlwind romance with your Mom?"
"Dude.."
"Because I thought I made it clear it was a summer fling."
"Beep beep."
"Fair enough, what do you mean weird?"
"Well I've been having these nightmares and-"
"Pennywise?"
Richie's question wrapped its way around Emily's throat, squeezing hard. She managed a wet gasp.
"Em?"
"How did you know his name? Was it all real?"
"I didn't think so.. I thought I was just having really bad dreams. I finally got up the balls to ask Stan and he looked at me like I just sprouted another head.. I haven't mentioned it since. I didn't want everyone to think I had a screw loose."
"Well if your crazy so am I."
"At least I'm in good company," Emily felt a smile creep onto her cheeks, "Did.. did I snap your arm back into place in that abandoned crack house?"
Emily looked down at her arm. He remembered it too.
"Yeah.. I think that happened."
They continued their conversation which essentially consisted of fact checking, separating reality from whatever holes their brains tried to fill in with misinformation.
"So being sick was your fear? And that thing made itself into a zombie leper to harvest all your spooked juices.."
"I guess," Emily tried to think, but the lack of sleep wasn't making it easy. She had, at some point, slid onto the tiles with her head slumped against the kitchen island's wall, "I think at the time, yeah. Mostly 'cuza my mom. Shed been giving me those pills for so long...But then I found out the truth and helped kill an evil clown. I realized that being sick isn't the worst thing that could happen," Emily had come to the conclusion that she had much bigger, less tangible, fears like realizing this terrible feeling wasn't just a phase. That she'd never be happy in her body, "what about you? Are you so mentally stable that your biggest thing is clowns? Because honestly it seems a little derivative." She teased.
"Being alone and forgotten." Richie's voice was sobering, matter-of-fact.
"Oh, Richie.." Emily wanted to apologize. Actually she wanted to crawl through the phone and whisper apologies in his ear as she held him tight. Instead they sat in a mutual silence, listening to each others breath as the sun crept through Emily's window illuminating the bowl of fruit perched on the windowsill.
•••
Eddie had been left alone, huddled in Richie's blanket sucking on his inhaler. Sure, maybe it didn't actually do anything. But like a safety net it was nice to know it was there.
He had heard screaming from out of the window and looked to see his Mother in one of her tight fitted track suits- flamingo pink and mint green painted over her massive form. He shuddered as she stormed up to the Tozier porch, red faced and bearing her teeth like a rabid dog.
This was all his fault.
And now, Richie was gonna leave him.
A soft tap on the door broke Eddie from wallowing in his shame.
"Hey Eds?"
Richie called sweetly.
Eddie didn't dare speak. He wanted to insist Richie use his full nickname but didn't really have the energy. Instead, he gave an unsure half smile.
Richie planted himself next to the pile of anxiety and potential tears also known as his 'Eds'.
"Look, Eddie, I was a being a dick. Like a huge throbbing cock," Rich snuck a peak at Eddie to see a smile cracking his stone expression. He let out a breath of relief, "And I'm sorry. But uh, this is gonna sound so lame."
He sighed, running a hand through his dark curls before letting it make its way to Eddie's hand. He rested it on the petite palm. Eddie looked up at Richie's uneasy eyes before dropping his useless inhaler onto the floor and taking the other boys hand. He gave a firm squeeze, allowing Rich to continue.
"My Mom is downstairs and she needs to talk to us."
•••
Maggie rummaged through the pie safe before finding a small sewing kit. With shaky hands she opened the tin. Inside, past the needles, thread and patches of cloth rested a wad of money. About eleven hundred dollars if memory served.
"Mom?"
The two boys walked into the living room.
"You remember Eddie."
Maggie's eyes ran over the smaller boy. He looked like puppy you'd see on the street that'd be kicked a few times, with his big eyes and bigger purple bags clinging underneath. He was thin too. How his Mother couldn't just look at him and know he was miserable was beyond her. She wanted to hug him, but fought the urge and looked to her son before settling on the cash in her hands.
"Of course! Eddie, it's nice to see you again," she lifted her head up, "I'm sorry. I don't, I don't really know what to say under the circumstances," she saw they way Eddie seemed to lean into her son. It made her happy, "Boys, take a seat."
Even with the mood so melancholy Maggie could see the bond between the two. As they sat, they seemed to sit on top of one another. Her son placing a reassuring hand on Eddie's knee.
She took her seat on the adjacent loveseat, money still clasped in her hand.
"Richard, Edward," It struck Eddie funny to hear Richie's Mom not only call him by his new name but the formal version as well, "I'd like to start off by saying that I fully support you two. Whether your friends or something.. romantic. I think you need each other. But, this town isn't going to be as..progressive. And your Mother is going to keep looking for you, Eddie," Mrs. Tozier brought her gaze down to her lap where the money rested. She let out a slow breath before looking at her son, "We don't have a lot of time. I imagine Sonia's already called the police. I was saving this money to leave your father, once you graduated, dear, but this is more important. It's not a lot. Just enough to get you off the ground. You can take the car. I'll report it as gifted to your grandmother in the morning. Head to Grandpa's cabin in Kennebunk. Stick to back roads until you get there. I'll call in a few days to let you know what the next move will be. The people in this town are gossips, but they're pretty stupid. Hopefully things will blow over soon. But for now, in order to keep Eddie safe you've got to leave."
Maggie was trembling by the time she finished and Richie couldn't tell if it was nerves or withdrawals. She lit a Marlboro as she waited for the boys to swallow what she'd just said.
Richie wordlessly took the money from his Mothers hand before placing a kiss on her cheek. He turned to Eddie.
"We'll need to grab some things."
Eddie looked up at his two saviors. His eyes threatened to spill tears but he promised himself he wouldn't cry in front of Mrs. Tozier. It took incredible focus to look her in the eye and mouth 'Thank You'.