Not Sure If You're A Boy or A Girl~ Reddie

Selfish at My Worst, Selfless at Best

The skin surrounding Eddie's bones felt shredded the moment he hit the ice cold water. It was excruciating.
And then it was gone. Like his nervous system experienced the most amount of pain he ever had and then nothing. He was just heavy, sinking further and further down. It was tranquil for an eighth of a second before his lungs reminded him he needed air. Involuntarily, he opened his mouth allowing the murky water to rush into his throat. That's when it truly began to hurt.
His mind told him to let go, relax. Still the primitive part of him that wanted to survive thrashed his limbs and spread open his eyelids. He saw nothing. Blackness and flowing.
Slender hands clawed at Eddie's chest, hooked under his biceps and then he felt the rough water move against him. He was pulled onto snow covered sand. Cold air stinging his cheeks and the tip of his nose frozen.
Richie pressed hard and quick on his friends chest while Bev ran to get help.
"Get a car, warm blankets, anything like that. But no hospitals, no parents- not yet."
It seemed foolish to not involve medical professionals, but Eddie's Mother was the reason he was here now and if an ambulance came by Sonia wouldn't be far behind.
Richie just needed to get all the water out of his lungs and pills out of his stomach.
It was fine. This was fine.
He'd already gone through the process of hacking away at another homemade binder. He made a mental note to punch Eddie for that later
"We're gonna be fine, Eds, we're fine."
Richie assured as he kept the beat to 'another one bites the dust' in his head. After what seemed like hours, Rich lost his patience throwing himself into Eddie's chest.
Water, undigested pills and what at first Richie thought was blood but soon realized was just wine came spewing out of Eddie's mouth. Rich pulled the boy so he was sitting up and pushed hard on his back.
"Oh thank fuck.."
Eddie emitted a wet choking sound as he sucked up all the air he could before another wave of vomit hit. Richie was beside him, crying.
"Thank god, you stupid motherfucker. If you left... oh thank god."
•••
"I'm not letting you sleep for another eight hours, so you might as well tell me."
Richie hated to say it and he sure as hell didn't mean it, but Eddie was kind of  making him regret pulling him outta the canal at the moment.
Eddie was mad at him and decided to give him the cold shoulder. He also wouldn't let Rich take him to a doctor, so he had to stay up with him to make sure he didn't seize out and die. And all Richie was asking was a little explanation into why the fuck he tried to fucking kill himself.
They stood in Richie's bedroom. Eddie wordlessly hunting around for a cigarette. He'd got the old pack wet along with Richie's jacket. He managed to find not only one, but two.
Rich still had his back turned when Eddie lit up. 'The Prophets Song' sang into the room.
Eddie handed a cigarette to his friend.
"Well your just full of fucking surprises, Eddie Spaghetti."
They both fell to the floor, not really caring how they landed. Richie stretched out, grabbing his comforter from his bed and bundling the other boy up in a nest.
"Yeah.."
Eddie looked cute, puffing awkwardly at his cigarette wrapped in warm blankets. Rich looked away feeling tears well up in his eyes. He tried to push them down, clearing his throat.
"Can you tell me why? You didn't," the words ran through his mind fast but his mouth had a hard time catching up, "you didn't try because you felt I," his voice lowered to a whisper, "violated you at the dance."
It could've been the still foreign smoke rushing into his chest but he was pretty sure it was the question, either way Eddie choked.
"What? God no."
Richie closed his eyes, leaning his head back and thanking god for the millionth time that day.
"Absolutely not. I know you were just trying to save me. I just," Eddie looked at his friend, willing the boy to look back. After a moment of silence he did, "things were going so fast. And yeah you and the losers didn't care what I was. You liked me for me and that means a lot. It really does. But it doesn't make the voice in the back of my head telling me I'm an unloveable freak go away. It doesn't make my Mom less terrible. It doesn't make the other kids at school stop whispering about me. When I binded too tight and you had to save me I felt more flawed than ever. I couldn't even get becoming a boy right.. and I realized I was bringing you down with me. I didn't want to do that, Rich," Eddie closed his eyes unable to look into those sweetly dulled brown eyes any longer, "I know this is the end for me. I'm out of options. I can't live in that house with that woman anymore. I can't live with this adipose tissue hanging off me anymore. I'm just tired and I wanna go. Please, please just let me go."
Richie didn't realize he was shaking his head until Eddie stopped talking. He was sobbing now. Richie could feel tears falling down his own cheeks as he pulled Eddie into his chest.
"No, I can't let you go. I'm too selfish," Eddie let out a shaky breath, looking up through blurred vision, "I love you too much, Eds. Too fucking much."
Eddie felt Richie pull back and was about to protest when his hand lifted up the smaller boys chin. They looked into each others eyes, knowing their feelings were mutual.
"Rich, I-
Richie pressed his lips against Eddie's lightly, feeling the hornets vibrating in his gut morph into butterfly's.