Not Sure If You're A Boy or A Girl~ Reddie

Yesterdays Gone, Lets Not See Tomorrow

AUTHORS NOTE: trigger warning!! Suicidal ideation and actions.

Sonia let Eddie go back to school after two fucking days of isolation. His only companion being her. It got so bad he took his pills just to sleep more.
The night Richie came over played over and over in his head. When the sun began to stretch its light over the house they said their goodbyes. Rich promised he'd be over again soon, but Eddie hadn't seen him. Richie hadn't even tried to call. He was as worried. Maybe Pete killed him? Maybe his Mother killed him.
Eddie flattened his skirt in front of his mirror. He made a deal with his mother, no more 'corsets' or boys clothes if he could go back to school early. Sonia had picked out his outfit, baby blue skirt, powder pink tank top, black cardigan and black flats. He looked fucking ridiculous.
"EmmyBear, I'm headed to the store. Would you like a ride to school?"
Eddie's head began to spin, anger pulsed through him as he felt control of his life slowly slip away.
-no more flat chest
-no more jeans
-no more Eddie
-no more Richie
It all suddenly rained down on him, like a summer storm that seemed to whip through the trees in a matter of seconds.
Eddie dug his nails deep into the side of his arm as he stepped out into the hall.
"Mummy, can't I walk? I haven't been outside in so long."
Sonia's brow furrowed, considering the request.
"With who?"
"Just Bill and Bevvy."
She smiled, "Alright, but be careful! Remember your pills."
Eddie waited for the door to creak closed before he ran down to the kitchen. He waited patiently as it rang.
Once, twice, three times, four, five
Eddie slammed the phone on the receiver. He tried two more times to no avail.
>If it gets too bad, you call me<
~Thanks a fucking lot, Rich~
Eddie slumped on the sofa holding his head in his hands. He had no other options. He'd wait five minutes. No call and he'd get out of this shitty town, this shitty country, this shitty world. He'd get the fuck out.
•••
Richie knew he shouldn't of been surprised when he arrived home the morning after the dance to find his Mother unconscious, slim fingers clutching a half empty bottle of Diazepam. Still it stung.
He'd spent the last two days sleeping and smoking. It felt shitty, being like his Mother. But he felt like he deserved it for fucking everything up. It was his idea to bind Eddie, his idea to go to that stupid dance, fuck he was even the asshole who beat the shit out of Pete essentially putting a huge target on his and Eddie's backs.
~Shoulda stuck to Mom jokes and hanging out at the arcade~
It was early morning, when he'd been shaken awake by a nightmare. After that summer, years back, nightmares where a pretty common occurrence for Richie, but this one was different. Instead of his usual tired scenario of getting eaten by a clown, it was about Eddie.

>>Rich had climbed into his friends room not thinking of why the door was unlocked. He guessed sometimes in dreams things didn't always line up. There is no way in hell Eds would leave his window unlocked. Not with potential threat of zombie leppers roaming the streets.
He went into Eddie's room to find him hanging from a rope on the ceiling. His face was blue and swollen. His eyes bulged out of his skull lifelessly staring off. Richie tried to get him down but stopped when he touched the body. It was so cold.Eddie grabbed his arm, pulling him closer.
"Why did you try to make me happy, Richie? I'm only happy when I'm dead." The corpse spoke but not in Eddie's sweet tone. It sounded evil and dopey all at the same time.
Richie tried to look away, not wanting to see the boy he loved so mangled. He felt a chilled clammy hand grab his chin. It pulled him upwards leaving his feet to dangle.
"Let's both be happy, Richie. Let's both float."<<

Richie clutched his pillow while trying to steady his breath. Just remembering the dream gave him chills.
The phone rang down the hall. It was sort of hard to hear it but he did. He certainly heard it but had no will to answer.
•••
Five minutes had come and gone and Eddie sat frozen in his seat. Nerves slithered through his stomach as he really thought about it- killing himself. Did he really have any other options? Living as a prisoner in his nightmare of a house? Being looked at as a slut in school when he didn't even identify as a girl? Or waiting for Richard Tozier to grace him with his presence in another few days? He was a fool to think he had any other option.
Eddie changed out of his god-awful outfit opting for his old jeans, chucks and a black tee shirt instead. His breasts were still sore and slightly bruised but knowing this was the end made it ok to strap new bandages on.
He wanted to die looking how he felt, like a man.
The plan was simple enough. Eddie knew he didn't have the balls to cut himself deep enough to do any damage. He also knew he didn't want his stomach pumped in the ER. So he decided to die where he was happiest, the cliff where The Losers had spent their summers swimming. They'd shared some of their best memories there and he knew that's where he wanted to rest. He'd drink and take some pills before placing the heaviest rocks he could find in his pockets and then he'd step off the cliff into the water below. It was a safe bet he'd be undisturbed. It was December after all.
Eddie packed an ancient bottle of red wine he'd found at the back of the fridge, a 30 day supply of the anti anxiety meds his mother had told him would 'take the edge off', Richie's Jean jacket that made it home with him that terrible night and a notebook. He couldn't help but smile as he climbed on his neglected bike and made his way to the end.