Automatic

Chapter 57. Everything is Blue

By the time Christine had arrived later that morning, there had been a considerable shift in the air. Kevin had barely said two words and his jaw was in a permanent clenched state. At first Edd had tried to ask what was ailing him, but Kevin merely shook his head and looked away. Christine too had even asked him what was on his mind, but not even the soothing voice of his adoptive mother could get the redhead to voice his thoughts.

According the doctors on Kevin's case, his surgery had went well and there was no other signs of infection. All of his other injuries were minor, so if the last check up went well and all the tests came back clean, Kevin had the green light to go home as long as he had a strong support group waiting for him. And he did! All of their friends from the cul-de-sac and even some of Kevin's friends from high school were willing to step forward to help their friend.

When Edd had stepped away to change into some clean clothes, Christine had followed him out into the hall with a worried look on his face. "Eddward, Dear, are you sure everything's alright? I've never seen Kevin like this before..."

Edd turned around to face his mother and sighed. "Mother, Kevin is...going through something that not even I fully understand. I look through every piece of information on this that I can and still not know exactly what he's feeling. Just give him some time, alright? He'll come around."

"I know and I understand but...something just doesn't seem right."

"Just give him your patience and support, Mom. I'll be back in a few minutes." Edd said with a small smile and continued to walk down the long hallway to find a restroom to change in. Christine stared after her son for a few seconds before pursing her lips and stepping back into Kevin's room where the soldier was sitting up and flipping through some pamphlets about prosthesis options.

Christine sat down on the edge of the bed and picked up a pamphlet for herself and flipped through it casually as she struck up some conversation. "Kevin, I just want to let you know that I'm here to listen when you're ready to talk, alright?"

Kevin let out a small hum of acknowledgement, but said nothing else as he continued to read. Christine took that as her cue to keep talking. "And you know, Edd probably knows what you're going through more than anyone. So if you're ever looking to make a connection with anyone on that level, just know that it's closer than you think."

Kevin cocked an eyebrow and looked up at the woman before him as if to say, "How so?" Christine raised an eyebrow right back at him. "He was angry after he relapsed for the second time. He didn't want to talk to anyone about what was going on with his body because he didn't think anyone would truly understand what he was going through day after day."

Kevin snorted. "I would've."

"You weren't there, Kevin. You were deployed. But he would shut down for days on end and when I finally did get him to talk, he would scream. And not just at me, but at everything. Bad things happen to good people, Kevin. Edd knows that, I know that, and you know it too." she explained and put a gentle hand on Kevin's as he slowly lowered the pamphlet onto the bed between his legs.

"But...Edd came back to me eventually, it just took a near death experience to do so. I guess what I'm saying is that you don't need to feel like you're all alone in this. Don't bring yourself to the edge just to realize that you had a whole other army behind you the entire time. You're my son and I love you." she said and leaned over to press a kiss onto the crown of Kevin's hanging head as the words sunk deep into him. "Alright, I'm done talking now."

"Thanks, Ma." he said after a moment of silence. "I think I needed to hear that."

Christine gave him a small smile and nodded. The two sat in comfortable silence as they waited for Edd to come back and Kevin took a few more moments to reflect on Christine's words. Perhaps Edd did understand after all. Maybe not in the same way, but still, it's the inkling that counts.

Just then, Edd walked back into the room with a red v-neck and a pair of black jeans. It was the same outfit that Kevin had proposed to him in. "Everything is all good. We can head home if you're ready, Kevin."

Edd's heart almost stopped dead in his chest when Kevin shot a small smirk his way. "I am, let's go."

...

Later, when Christine had been whisked away to finish filling out the discharge forms like she always did when either one of her sons were in the hospital, Edd had the honor of helping Kevin get changed into his clothes.

"Alright, you can either stand up and do this or lay back and slide them on yourself." Edd said as he stood in front of Kevin swinging a pair of boxers on his finger. Kevin felt his face heat up as his unmentionables were being waved in the air, but merely held out his arms like a child as his answer. In all honesty, he really didn't feel like touching his leg stump at the moment, or at all really. It was sad how his own body managed to disgust him these days.

Edd nodded and quickly grabbed a pair of basketball shorts from a nearby backpack and proceeded to slide both garments over Kevin's leg and thighs one after another before he pulled the man up onto his foot.

It was a little difficult as Kevin was six-foot-five compared to Edd's five-foot-seven stature. But the redhead wrapped his arms around Edd's shoulders as he pulled up his underwear and shorts to his slim hips. Kevin couldn't help but sigh a little bit as he felt the other's hands linger on the ripped plane of his stomach. It had been so long since they had last touched each other like this. The feeling was both welcomed and feared.

After a moment or two, Edd eased Kevin back onto the edge of the bed and took off the paper thin gown. Kevin watched with a soft expression as the love of his life catered to his every need, even if he didn't have to. It put a nice, warm spot right in the middle of his chest. "Hey, Edd?"

"Hm?"

"Have you ever had any...panic attacks? Or anything like that?" Kevin asked in a meek voice as he watched Edd fold up the gown and set it on the bed beside Kevin.

"Me? Of course. Everyone has had one at some point in their lives." Edd explained as he dug out a baby blue t-shirt out of the backpack and began to slide it over Kevin's head.

Kevin shook his head. "N-no. Like, really bad panic attacks. All the time. Or weird dreams? I dunno, it sounds stupid..."

"No, not at all. I still have dreams every night that I'm trapped inside my own body. It's terrifying. I don't really sleep much anymore, even after all these months." he explained and stood back to look at his fiance who was still on the bed. Kevin had on a shocked, yet relieved look on his face and Edd thought that it had something to do with how he was feeling. "You look so handsome, Kev."

Kevin blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Thank you."

"No problem. Here," the ravenette said and pulled up a wheelchair and put the brakes on it before pulling Kevin up once more. For a moment, the two simply stood there in each other's arms. For Kevin, it was easier for him to be close to Edd now that there was new information shared between them. They both have nightmares, they both have panic attacks, and they've shared a similar struggle. Now, Kevin knew that if he ever needed someone to talk to about his problems, Edd would be there.

Christine's words echoed in his mind about not waiting until the very last moment to realize that he was never alone. Kevin could only imagine how painful it was for Christine when her son wouldn't confide in her and he'd be damned if he unintentionally hurt the love of his life again by being careless with his feelings.

"Kevin, are you alright?" Edd asked as he steadied the redhead and looked up into those forest green eyes with little uncertainty.

Kevin snapped out of his thoughts and managed a smirk as he gazed at his fiance. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just- thank you for everything."

Edd blushed like a madman when Kevin gave him a small peck on the lips as he eased himself into the wheelchair. He was elated that Kevin didn't seem like he was shutting down on him like he did the day before, but his actions proved even more confusing. First, he was depressed, then he was mad, and now? Now Kevin is showing him affection out of the blue and it was throwing the ravenette off something serious.

But little did Edd know, that the next couple months would be filled with even more confusion and frustration when it came to his fiance's actions.