~ the exorcist's sister - blue exorcist oc fanfiction.

~ part 10

kiras pov ~

it was dark. but I was calm. my head was light and I breathed deeply. I felt hot. it was a dream. memories. gehenna. it was dark and swampy. that all so familiar smell of stale blood. the fading clouds of demon fumes floating endlessly. father was there. he sat in his thrown. his dark essence filled me and chilled me.

" my daughter. you are so young. so innocent. so precious ". his voice was deep but still light. I got closer.  he scooped me up and I welcomed it. " you are so caring like your mother. yet full of potential. let me show you." he covered my eyes with his hands. and I could see her. she has brown hair and the brightest green eyes. so caring like yukio. I giggled in delight as she smiled and talked. her voice so soft so sweet. she was so beautiful. I could see it all. all the wonders of assiah that mother showed. oh the stars. the wondrous stars. and the endless sea. things I longed to see. my birth. I could see her holding rin and yukio her happiness. but I wasn't there. I was never in her arms. I was never in her heart. "daughter. you belong with me. here. and your brothers do too. you are powerful beyond measure and you will bring the joining to the two worlds. ". it was at that moment I remember my first flames and lost myself. my demonic blood took control. Satan did something to me. I will never know what. I just know I wasn't the same after. but I held onto the memories father had shown me.

I didn't remember them often but when I did it brought heart renching pain. maybe it's what I fear the most the thought that it may have been me who killed mother. her blood mixed with mine used to open the gate. if I didn't exist she would still be alive. rin and yukio would have the mother they always dreamed of. and not the sister they never wanted in the first place.

the fears that consume us. I don't fear the dark I fear what it brings. the fear of being alone. but I've been alone from the beginning.  no one could change the fact that my own mother died not knowing I was ever born. never holding me like she did my brothers. never will I be able to be closer to my brother as we simply were born worlds apart. and that distance will never fully closed. I will never be able to fill the gap in there hearts just as they won't fill mine. as we all long for the impossible... the love of our dead mother.