Serendipity

Decipher

"You're not the first you know." Nancy sighed leaning back against the bench taking in the scenery of dogs and children playing together.

I imagined this is what doggy heaven would be. Full of children that excite them and make them happy. Because children have bundles of energy, so it would only be right that they would be there too.

"I know." I mumbled pulling at the torn part of my jeans.

"Admittedly you are the first to have amnesia and forget about him entirely, but to be hurt by him.." She shook her head.

"Why? Why is he like it? What's he afraid of?" I asked her hoping for some form of insight.

"I believe it began with me and his father. Him and his father, two peas in a pod. They were closer than ever, his father, used to come in from work and zone straight in on Zak. Z-man he called him. Of course Zak thought he was his hero. But as he grew up, things changed in our house and by the age of 6, we split up, his dad left. Zak didn't see him from one month to the next. It seems to me, looking back on it all now.. That every time Zak gets close to someone, they leave him.."

My heart grounded to a halt as I took that on board and re-evaluated my actions.

"Even you." Nancy said looking over at me.

"He hurt me first." I breathed.

"Yeah, he did. But I can guarantee he punishes himself over that. That he remembers the moment he betrayed you. There's no excuse for what he did, he broke your heart, as you said. But his ability to trust people after being burnt so much is near on impossible."

I mulled that over before responding "Then why sleep around with women? If he can't trust people, surely that's one way to get himself into trouble?"

"Good question. My answer is that he does the hurt before it can happen to him. He is a man, men have urges. Yes he shouldn't do it, but my only answer is that he sleeps with women and moves on because he wants the company but not the emotions that come with it. He loves the attention, being important to someone, but then the fear of feelings and commitment overpower him."

"He sounds messed up." I answered before apologising quietly when Nancy looked over at me.

"Maybe it does, but my opinion? Is that he's looking for one person in particular to help him with all that.." Her eyes moved over to me as I bounced my leg whilst watching Gracie.

"You freaked out when you thought she was missing. Didn't you?"

"Of course I did. Every scenarios ran though my skull. I couldn't imagine the pain Zak would be in if I returned without her."

"Why?"

"Because I care about him too much to hurt him." I snapped.

"But not enough to leave the past in the past." His mom pointed out.

"That's not fair."

"Isn't it? You don't think he would go back and change what happened? Katy, I knew about you and Zak months ago. Before the damn accident."

I balked. "Y- how?"

"Call it a mothers intuition.."

I gave her a confused look at her answer. Or lack of.

"You were smitten the moment you saw him. You weren't like the others, gushing over him, draping themselves on him, talking sweet nothings and expecting some return. No, you were the opposite. You'd make him laugh, strike up a conversation on things that really mattered to him... And I know you encouraged him to seek out that museum."