Crossing the Line

Chapter 20: In and Out of the Funk

The next day, I tried eating. I only ate a little bit, but it made everyone sigh in relief. Each day, I would get a little bit better. Each day, Tristan would visit me. We couldn’t talk about what we needed to because of my family, but he told me about work and how everything was going there. Finally by the end of the fifth week, I was almost back to normal. The doctor came back and prescribed anti-depressants to me since I was eating again normally. That seemed to help as well. By the sixth week, I was going back to work. Alyssa hugged me for a long time when she saw me.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she whispered. Eric hugged me next, repeating her words. I was surprised that no one asked me what was wrong. In the tack room, Tristan was the last one to hug me. I clung to him tightly and buried my head into the crook of his neck.

“Please don’t ever scare me like that again,” he whispered hoarsely. I shook my head slowly.

“Don’t leave me again… please,” I asked quietly. He shook his head and kissed my hair.

“Never,” he replied. He kissed me tenderly before we had to let go. I couldn’t care less who saw us anymore. I had Tristan back, and that’s all that mattered. I was aware of the pills in my pocket. I was told to bring them with me just in case I slipped into another episode. I felt the sadness creeping into me as he left the tack room. Sighing, I took one of the pills and swallowed it dry. I couldn’t fall apart today; not here. I took a deep breath and prepared myself before I went out to start the morning rounds. Alyssa, Eric, and Tristan shot me worried glances all day; like they were afraid I would fall apart at any second. And I felt like I might have. Around the middle of the day, I went down to the lake. I wrapped my arms around my legs and looked out at the lake. I looked back when I heard someone approaching. I stood and ran to wrap him in a hug. He held me tightly to him and sighed. I clutched him tightly; I didn’t ever want to let go.

“We’re going to have to talk about this,” he said quietly after a while. I shook my head.

“There’s nothing to talk about. It never happened,” I replied quickly. He pulled away to look at me.

“But it did happen, and it got in between us again,” he said. I shook my head vigorously as my eyes started to water.

“No… no, I’m not losing you again,” I protested. He touched my cheek gently and shushed me to try and calm me down.

“I know, but I think you should break up with Eric,” Tristan said softly. I immediately agreed.

“Okay; I’ll do it, just please stay,” I asked hoarsely. He wiped a tear that rolled down my cheek. He kissed my forehead lightly.

“I will,” he whispered. I nodded and closed my eyes as I relaxed against him. “Come over my house tonight. You could spend the night and we could watch a movie, just like we used to,” he smiled softly. I nodded and brought my lips to his. I kissed him deeply. He moved his lips down to my neck and held my hand. I closed my eyes and relaxed against him. My breathing picked up as he kissed my collarbone.

“I love you,” he muttered. My hands gripped his shoulders tightly.

“I love you too,” I whispered; and I meant it with all of my heart.

We rode back to the stables and went back to work. Tristan gave me small smiles throughout the day. I returned them discreetly as I ran through my normal routine. After training another two-year old, Eric walked up to me.

“Are you okay?” he asked. I shrugged and leaned against the stall door.

“More or less…” I trailed off. I knew I had to do it. After taking a deep breath, I looked back to Eric. “You’ve been wonderful, but I think we might’ve rushed into things. I think you’re great, and this really does have nothing to do with you, but I think we should break up; just until I’m… stable again,” I said quietly. Eric smiled sadly and nodded.

“I get it,” he said, before he walked away. I let out a sigh of relief and went back to work. Tristan gave me a questioning look. I nodded discreetly and shrugged. I would tell him about it tonight anyway. Finally, work ended. I drove home and laid down in my bed for a bit. I took another pill and almost fell asleep before I heard the doorbell ring. I heard a familiar voice. I tip-toed down the stairs enough to hear the conversation without being seen.

“I don’t get it. She starts falling into depression when you leave for your conference. You come back and she’s all better? Did I miss something?” Crystal asked.

“Eric broke up with her around the same time I left,” I heard him lie. I made a mental note to remember that for later. “When I came back, she just said that she was glad to talk to someone about it, so maybe she was just keeping it to herself, and that caused it.” Tristan finished. I went back to my room and packed clothes for tomorrow. I slipped on my lacy black underwear set under my sweatpants and tank top. I zipped up my jacket and walked down the stairs noisily. Crystal looked over to me curiously.

“Where are you going?” she asked. I shrugged and put my hand on the door.

“Kristen’s,” I lied. Kristen would cover for me; I called her already to ask. Crystal stood and walked over to me.

“No, you shouldn’t. Last time you went out-” she started.

“I’m better now, okay?” I cut her off. “Plus, I’m taking my pills with me,” I added softly. My eyes flicked over to Tristan as his eyes widened slightly. He mouthed pills in a question but I ignored him and looked back to Crystal. “I’m spending the night, so don’t wait up for me,” I said before I left. I drove to Tristan’s house and parked in the back. Going around to the front, I unlocked the door with my key and walked inside. I went to the kitchen and got a glass of water. Pulling the pills out of my purse, I took two and drank the water down. The door opened a few seconds after I swallowed them. Tristan walked in and looked at me worried.

“You’re taking pills now?” he asked. I shook my head.

“Only when I have to,” I replied. He set his jaw and looked at the empty glass of water.

“So how many did you take just now?” he asked matter-of-factly. I looked at the empty glass. I was about to protest but he stopped me. “I saw you through the window. How many did you take?” he asked again, but slower. I looked at the floor and set my glass down.

“Two,” I answered. He exhaled loudly and placed his hand on my cheek, making me look at him.

“Please don’t turn to that. You’re scaring the crap out of me,” Tristan said softly. I sighed and looked at his torn face. I was hurting him. I reached into my purse and handed him the pill bottle.

“Okay,” I agreed softly. He sighed in relief and took them.

“I’m going to put these away, and then we can watch a movie,” he said. He kissed my forehead before he moved his lips to mine. “I just want my Holly back,” he whispered softly, before he went upstairs. I sighed before I plopped down on his familiar navy couch and laid down. Tristan came down moments later. He laid behind me on the couch and loosely put an arm around my waist. I moved to my back so I could see his face. He was propped up on his elbow. He looked down at me when I moved.