Honey Brown

Chapter 13

OLIVIA

Why do I continue to allow her to do this to me? For the second time within a week, she'd managed to come into my world, turn it upside, and walk away. I wasn't naïve enough to believe that she was the only one to blame in this situation. I let her. And I had to stop.

The next day, I didn't have much to do, which left me to my thoughts. By early afternoon, she sent me a text message.

I can't deal with her and her mood swings right now, I thought as I read her apology. The rest of the afternoon was spent reassessing who I was a person, and whether or not I wanted to continue to pursue this attraction. Around 6:00 p.m., my doorbell rang.

I checked the peephole, and saw Kenny standing on the other side. I didn't have anything to say to her, so I remained silent as she apologized through the door. When I didn't respond, she took that as a sign to leave.

Mind as well deal with this now, I thought as I opened the door to stop her.

We stood in my living room, her avoiding me gaze. I refused to offer her a seat, I didn't want her to think she could stay.

"I'm assuming you heard what I said," she began the conversation. I nodded. "I'm not expecting you to forgive me. Although, I hope you will eventually. But, I came here to let you know that I thought about what you said last night, and you're right, you deserve my patience. This is all new for you, and if you still want to see where this can go, you can set the pace and I'll follow your lead. I want to be with you, and I'm willing to do whatever you want," she finished. I stayed silent for a few moments.

"Twice now, you've pushed me out of my comfort zone, turned cold when I didn't respond to your liking, and apologized like it would make everything right,"I held up my had to stop her objection.

"But you know what, Kenny? I let you. And I can't anymore. I appreciate your apology and your willingness to be patient with me while I come to terms with these new feelings and urges. But, I'm going to need more than the last twenty-four hours to process this. I'll call you and let you know my decision," I told her.

She looked hurt, and I expected her to lash out at me before leaving. "That's fair. But I want you to know, I'm not going anywhere Liv. If you decide you just want to be friends, I'll respect that. It'll be difficult for me, but I will respect it. Call me whenever you're ready," she said as she left.

Afterwards, I sat and thought about what she said. Maybe we did rush into this. Even though the passion and chemistry came naturally for us, perhaps we should have explored a solid friendship first. I hadn't shared with anyone what my feelings were for her, but I now needed someone to confide in.

The only person I could think of that could possible help me was Tanya. I was worried about how she would react to the news, but I also hoped that she would be able to give me some insight on Kenny. Even though Tanya hadn't known me as long as she has Kenny, I knew she wouldn't judge me. I called her, and she picked up after the fourth ring.

"Hey Liv, how's it going?" she asked.

"Hi Tanya," I replied, "I could be better."

"What's wrong? Is this about the new cake shop?" she questioned.

"No, actually, that's going really well. I signed the lease to the shop recently," I updated her.

"That's great news! I'm excited to get back to work with everyone," she said.

"Me, too," I smiled.

"Well, if that's not it, then what is it?" she asked again.

I sighed deeply, "Well, I'm not quite sure how to tell you this, so I guess I'll just say it. Kenny and I have been kind of seeing each other," I told her.

"What? Since when did you like women?" she asked.

"That's the thing, Tanya. I'm not sure if I like women, or just Kenny. I don't find myself attracted to any other woman the way I am to her," I responded.

"Is she not attracted to you?" Tanya tried.

"Yes, she has made it explicitly clear that she is attracted to me," I said.

"Okay, then what's the problem?" she questioned again.

"Everything has happened pretty quickly, and I want to slow things down. But every time I try to do that, she shuts me out. Is she always like that?" I asked.

"Based on what you've told me; it sounds like she really likes you. Kenny doesn't do well with expressing her emotions. But I also think you should determine whether or not you want to move forward with this. You're both my friends, and I don't want to see either one of you get hurt," Tanya said.

I sighed again, "Thanks Tanya, I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. You've always been a great friend."

"Anytime, Liv," she said as we ended the call. I tossed and turned that night, unable to turn my brain off. This was going to be harder than I thought.