My one and only Love

Chapter 16

On a very special Sunday morning in May as the sun had just begun to rise and Maya was already heading to Greenwich Hall, Josh’s dorm. Maya had been doing better than most to the outside world, she had seemed to accept her mother’s sudden death and was more upset with her father taking her away. Maya had cried many tears for her mother but she’d never fully let herself accept that she was gone. Having lived with a busy mother – half a mother – her whole life, she told herself that she was fine, it wouldn’t so different that she’d not be able to handle it.

However, it had been pushing her more and more the longer she lived with Topanga, the mother of all mothers. It wasn’t fair – it had never been fair – that Maya got nothing while Riley had Topanga. She found herself feeling angry with her mother for leaving her, for crying alone and cursing her mother in silence. She began to resent Topanga as well. But being so thankful to be there and not in Ohio she kept it to herself. But today, today of all days, Maya was not going to be able to control herself.

Mother’s Day.

The day to honor your mother, spend all day with her, have a day filled with appreciation and love for your mother.

The day Maya had been dreading.

Riley had been planning a day for Topanga for a while, she’d be cooking and catering, she was going to do Topanga’s nails and give her a spa day at home. She was going to give her a present she’d been working on with Auggie and Maya wanted nothing to do with any of it. She hadn’t even left a note, just climbed out the window and took off.

It wasn‘t long before Maya was curled up against Josh, sobbing into his t-shirt. She asked questions to the universe that Josh would never be able to answer. Why had her mother left her? Why had she never had what everyone else had? Why was it so hard for her to let go? Why was she destined for so much pain? Why? Why? Why? Josh just held Maya close, stroking her hair and bringing her a roll of toilet paper in lieu of tissues. He knew he could never make this better. It was solid two hours of sobbing before Maya fell asleep. The morning was just beginning for most but she had already been through so much.

When her cell began to chime he grabbed it quickly, not wanting to wake her. “Hello?” He asked in a low voice.

“Josh?” Topanga asked, surprised. “Josh, is Maya with you?” Her voice was sharper now.

“Yeah, she is.” He said, looking back over his shoulder to his sleeping girlfriend.

He could hear Topanga telling someone else Maya was with Josh and then she focused back on him. “What is she doing there? Have you two been together all night?! Josh this is really inappropriate.”

“Topanga, stop.” He muttered, stepping out into the hall so he didn’t wake Maya.

“Give her the phone Josh.” Topanga snapped, and Josh let out a sigh as she began to get even more upset that he’d told her to stop.

“I can’t, she’s sleeping.” He continued before she could get the wrong idea. “Wait, wait, listen. She got here a few hours ago, she hasn’t been here all night.” Not that it mattered he thought. Topanga knew Maya had spent a week with him, but supposed things were different now that they were a couple.

“What is going on?” Topanga was getting angry now.

“Topanga.” He began, sighing. “It’s Mother’s Day.” And the phone went silent on the other end, he knew then that she understood.

“Oh god.” She finally breathed out. “Is she okay?”

“Not really.” Josh replied honestly. “She just fell asleep a little while ago, she’s been crying for hours.” He peeked back in through the cracked door to make sure she was still out.

“Okay…I’ll come over later to get her.”

“Don’t.” He told her as his eyes rested on Maya. “Please. Don’t. She doesn’t want to see you today, that’s why she left this morning. She needs a… mom-free space right now, I think.”

“Aren’t you going to Philadelphia today?”

Josh took in a breath, the choice was too easy. “Nah, I’m just going to call.” He replied, knowing he wasn’t going anywhere today.

When Maya woke a couple hours later her eyes burned and her throat was sore. She rubbed her face and buried it back against Josh once more. He had hardly left his room, not wanting to leave her alone when she seemed to need him the most. He wanted so much to be able to take care of her, to make her happy and see her smile again. He hadn’t realized until that day just how internally broken Maya truly was. He’d never seen her cry like this before, never seen her be anything but strong and defiant.

Just before the subway steps Maya stopped in her tracks, her hand in Josh’s, pulling him back to her when he tried to keep walking. It was almost curfew and he’d been taking her home but she’d been dragging her feet since they left the dorm room. “I don’t want to go back.” She told him something he’d guessed already. He moved in close, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close to him as people just parted to walk around them.

“I know, I don’t want you to either, but you know you have to.” He told her, knowing his brother wasn’t going to let her stay with him now that he knew they were seeing one another. “What if I go too? I’ll sleep on the couch.” She looked up, her eyes big. Josh and Maya headed back to the apartment and once inside, Josh and Maya made themselves comfortable on the couch and talked softly. They had tried their best to make it easier for Maya to come back, putting all the mother’s day gifts away in Cory and Topanga’s room, they didn’t mention why she’d been gone all day.

Cory came to sit with her, trying to see if she was okay, but she didn’t want to talk about it. As Maya and Josh sat together on the couch Topanga pulled Cory into the bedroom to talk privately. “She needs to go talk to someone, we should have done it sooner.” They agreed that Maya would need to speak with a psychiatrist about the loss of her mother, Topanga instantly doing research on her laptop about the best in the field for children who lost a parent.

The two stayed locked away discussing the right person for the job, reading reviews together and discussing office locations while Maya and Josh shifted together on the couch to lay down. Josh laid behind Maya as he’d done many times already that day. His arm draped over her middle and found her hand, slipping his fingers between hers as she held onto his arm. “It’s going to be okay. I love you.” He whispered against her hair before pressing a kiss there, neither of them noticing that Riley was standing in the hall watching curiously.