My one and only Love

Chapter 25

Despite her conversation with Cory, Topanga wasn’t giving in just yet. She couldn’t shake the image of little Maya on top of her brother-in-law. Every time she looked at Maya she saw the image again and again. She found herself avoiding Maya for the most part, busying herself anytime Maya seemed to try and talk to her. She wouldn’t discuss the punishment, she wouldn’t discuss Josh. Maya had gone to the bedroom door only to be told it wasn’t a good time and be sent back to her room. After week two of her punishment and feeling so uncomfortable at home, Maya finally enlisted Riley for help in getting her mother to talk.

Topanga heard the knock at the closed bedroom door and then the voice of daughter on the other side. “Mom? Are you busy or can I come in?”

Topanga smiled a little closing her book and sitting it aside. “Not busy at all, sweetheart, come on in.” But when the door opened it was Maya standing on the other side, Riley already back down the hall. “Maya?” Topanga sighed, getting the ruse but it was now too late to back out of it. “What is it?”

Maya watched Topanga shift in the bed, sitting up taller; her back straight. “I want you to talk to me.” Maya told her, keeping her own back straight. “Or are you busy again?” It was snarky but it was the attitude of a sixteen year old and Topanga had nearly expected it.

“What do you want me to talk about?” Topanga asked, but the reply was definitely not what she expected to hear.

“Sex.” Maya replied flatly.

“Maya…” She sighed some as she spoke but Maya kept going, afraid if she stopped she’d lose her nerve.

“How old were you when you first had sex?” Maya asked. “When did you first want to? Were you always safe? Were you in love?” She stepped forward some, she wasn’t going to let this go. Maya had been thinking about this for a while and how to begin the conversation. “Did you like it your first time? Did it scare you?”

Topanga sighed, “Fine, you really want to do this? Okay. I had sex when I was 19 years old and married.” She emphasized but it was the age that got Maya. She had never put it together before, the Matthews were still teenagers when they got married. “Cory and I both waited until our wedding night. Of course I thought about it before then, but I knew what was right, and waiting was right. If by safe you mean did we use birth control, of course we did, we were not ready for children while we were still in school.” Topanga was sure she was giving off the right impression, but she had no idea what Maya’s true goal here was. “I was very much in love and I remember my first time fondly and yes, I think I was a little scared at first but I knew my husband was going to take care of me. It’s another good reason to wait until you’re married, you know you’re in it for the long run and not just caving in to some hormonal pressure.”

Maya cocked her head to the side. “Not all people who get married are in it for the long run.” Maya reminded her softly of her own broken home. “Topanga, you were a teenager when you got married, you were the same age as Josh.” She told her, fidgeting with the edge of her jean pocket, forcing herself to keep her composure. Maya swallowed hard, ready to answer all of her own questions. “I was fifteen when I first had sex. I wanted to and I was safe. I was and still am in love with Josh.” Topanga looked uncomfortable with the conversation now, sighing a little and wishing it would stop. “I liked my first time and I wasn’t scared at all because I was with Josh. I didn’t need to be married to know I was taken care of and in love. I know Josh is in it for the long run with me. I was his first too.” It was a lot of truth to lay out there, but she felt like she had to do it to make her understand. “We love each other, Topanga. This isn’t some stupid kid thing, this is real.”

“I know you feel like that right now but...”

“But what? You got married at nineteen! Do you really expect me to believe that you don’t think you can fall in love for life as a teenager? You can’t be a hypocrite about this.” And as Topanga raised a brow, Maya wondered if she’d chosen her words badly but it was too late to go back now. “And you can’t keep punishing me because I did it. I am sorry we did it here, but this is my home now and I feel safe here so why shouldn’t I be in my own bed.” Before Topanga could jump in Maya talked a little faster. “I wasn’t hurting anyone and I should be the only one who gets to decide when I have sex, not you.” It was bold, but Maya rolled with it trying to ignore the annoyance growing on Topanga’s face. Cory had been standing in the doorway since Topanga had begun to talk about her own experiences, listening quietly as Maya tried to make a point. “I’m not trying to be disrespectful, but I’m not going to do this anymore, I am not ashamed of what I did. I love him. And I need him and I don’t want to sneak around to see him. I don’t want to lie to you to see my boyfriend but we both know that I will. I’ve seen him since you punished us and part of me wants to be sorry for sneaking around, but I’m not. Do we have to go get married for you to be okay with this? You know I try hard to do my best and to make you all proud of me and it’s hard sometimes and you holding this against me when I didn’t do anything wrong makes me feel like shit, Topanga.” Cory frowned behind Maya, not because she cursed in front of them but just at the tone of her voice. He looked to his wife’s face as she listened to the rants of a teenage girl and knew it was getting to her too.

Topanga hated being the bad guy, being the one to make someone feel as badly as Maya was obviously feeling just then. She wanted to turn back time to when the only thing they worried about with Maya was her encouraging Riley to break curfew. She wanted so much to make life feel simple again. It was then Cory stepped around Maya and walked over to the bed, sitting beside his wife and taking her hand. Cory was always the one who wanted to keep them from growing up, keep them all safe, and it felt incredibly strange to have the tables turned. Topanga sighed. “I don’t want you to feel like shit, Maya. I really don’t, but I can’t help that I’m disappointed and upset by this. I’ve know you since you were five years old, I look at you as one of my own and you’re growing up too fast. You’re so focused on Josh, you’re missing out on just being a kid.” Cory took Topanga’s hand and looked sympathetically towards Maya.

“I’m not a kid.” Maya said simply.

“I know.” Topanga replied. “Doesn’t mean I don’t wish you could have more time being one.” The part Topanga was slowly realizing was that Maya likely hadn’t been a ‘kid’ in a long time. She spent a lot of time having to grow up, to face the world on her own. She looked to Cory who seemed to already know this truth, Maya spent a lot of time protecting Riley, keeping that inner child strong and safe perhaps to live vicariously as her own inner child was long gone. “Okay, Maya.” Topanga began after a moment of silence and a squeeze of Cory’s hand. He nodded to Topanga, nudging her to continue. “You’re still grounded, but when it’s over you can see Josh again.” Maya’s eyes went wide with excitement, but she held her breath, not letting out a sound. “You and I have a lot more talking to do though and there will be rules I expect to be followed.” Maya nodded, thanking them both excitedly as she hugged them and said goodnight. She couldn’t believe she’d finally gotten through to Topanga, couldn’t believe all she’d told her to do it. She ran back to her room and jumped on the bed with Riley to tell her everything.