Unedited
Everything else was a blur from that night.
I couldn't feel anything and only when I rubbed my eyes slowly I realised I wasn't in the comfort of my dorm room, but instead an hospital bed.
When I got up I heard shuffling and my heart was about to fall out of my chest.. he's coming, he's coming to hurt me again.
Suddenly my breathing increased, my body was heating up and my palms were drenched in sweat, I closed my eyes right again and when I felt a pair of hands on my cold cheeks I screamed.
"Hey hey shhh, I'm here now, it's Dan" he soothes me and I hold tightly on to his chest letting out loud harsh sobs. "I'm sorry" I feel him cry as he holds me and my body stills.
"W-what time I-is it?" I whisper.
"Four in the morning, they've discharged you" he says and helps me up, I felt sick at myself because I was still in this party dress.. the dress his hands were on.
I started crying again and this time Dan was unsure but he let me be, he held my bag and watched me with sympathy as I cried my way down the hospital and to his car, he wrapped his arm around me tenderly but I felt disgusting.
"I'm taking you back to my place" he starts the engine and I shake my head weakly.
"Please no, I-I want to shower and-" I fall into sobs again, I just couldn't control it. "I need to be alone" I sniff and he's about to protest but I turn against him and place my head on the window, he sighs and we drive in silence.
This stupid dress. This stupid low cut dress, maybe if I hadn't worn it-
"El" he looks at me and it pains me so much, I wanted to open up but I physically couldn't.
"Thanks" I smile forcefully and without another word I leave his car and head up to my room.
Disgusting, used, stupid and slutty. That's how I felt, how could I let this happen to me.
I slowly turned the key to my dorm room, scared that something or someone would get me again.
The room was empty and cold, and I wondered how things could've been so different if I just spent my Christmas here, again I sobbed and shook with tears.
I was sat on my bed. My dress reaching the top of my thighs and my breast toppling out. My hair half tied in a bun with messy strands and pieces everywhere. My makeup smeared across my face.
Tears streaming down my eyes and my body shaking. I felt nothing and I was numb.
Everything came tumbling down and I could no longer do it.
"Why me, what have I done" I thought. What did I deserve to get this.
Again I let out a heap of sobs, everything was so still and I felt like I could suffocate from the silence.
The door to my dorm creaks open and she walks in.
Her face sad looking and her eyes dreary. Almost like she's guilty.
"I'm sorry" she cries wiping her eyes, I stare at her and cry, no words coming out.
"It happened to me too. I wanted to tell you b-but it was too late god damn it! I didn't think it would happen so soon"
I close my eyes, letting the salty substances stream all over my face, everything slows down and I sigh.
"I'm sorry"
I've heard her too many times. I've heard Hannah too many times and the funny thing was, none of this was her fault.
"I-I've been r-r-raped" I finally admit and whole wave of tears was through me, I couldn't deal with it anymore. I was screaming, crying and shaking frantically.
How could one destroy someone. How could one destroy every bit of dignity you have and throw it like it's noting.
"Ella" Hannah cries and wraps her hands around me. "I promise you we're going to get justice and you'll get through this" she soothes me but nothing or no one could fill the empty black hole in my heart.
"W-wait" I pull away from her and I look up through my wet glossy lashes. "What do you mean it happened to you too" I gasp in shock and she looks down in horror.
"I was too once Lucy's victim, I thought we were friends" she sighs and my heart clenches at the thought of this vile... this vile animal preying upon other girls too. "She tried to set me with Drew for so long but I always refused, so one night we were at Drew's house, they got me batshit drunk that I barely realised him and josh started putting their hands up my skirt and-" she stops and I hold her hands, my own tears blurting out. "It stopped before it could start, the house was invaded for drugs and no one cared about how I just - I was almost assaulted" she sighs and then shakes her body. "I tried so many times to warn you Ella, but they threatened me if I did"
"He lifted my god damn dress up, he forced his self into me and they laughed, they all laughed!" I scream, I was screaming for me and Hannah and I looked at my reflection through the mirror and I screamed even more.
"All because of this fucking dress! And because I'm a slut! I slept with him before so it's my fault! I gave the wrong fucking signal!" I scream in pain before standing up and ripping the dress off of my body, Hannah tries to stop me but I rip the dress off and before I realise, I'm shredding my own skin with my nails.
"LOOK AT ME!" I scream with red eyes and a sore voice. "Look how used I look"
She says nothing and instead takes me to the student showers, I get out and she lets me dress, she brings me food to eat and wraps me in my blanket.
I stirred the whole night and woke up at the sound of anything.. what if it was him.
No amount of screaming, crying and shaking could amount to what I felt.
My heart was bleeding tears.
