Unedited
It was four am in the morning and my fingers were shaking uncontrollably. In exactly seven hours I'd be testifying and that scared me to a point I couldn't explain, the trauma I faced for months slowly crawled back into me but I had to keep a hold of my self, I was doing this for me, for Dan and for Hannah.
The morning was looking bleak as I quietly hopped out of bed, my thoughts were eating me alive, if I stayed in that bed any longer I wouldn't survive. Slowly, I roamed around the student halls looking for meaningless answers to the numb feeling I had. Once again I find myself reminiscing just how fast my life processed since summer, never did I think I'd be here, this pit of darkness that I thought I finally got out of but today it seemed he was closing the lid.
Drew. Lucy. All of them. They were closing the lid on me and I looked at myself in the mirror whispering sweet nothings, promising I could get though this, I promised myself that everything will be ok.
~
It was 10:45. I was sat outside the court room with Dan caressing my hand and Hannah filling me with sweet words.
How could I possibly respond their affection? In a matter of time I would be facing all my horrors and I just wasn't ready for that, I wasn't ready to be the subject of scrutiny, to feel so small amongst large eyes.
"Miss Riley" a women calls.
And then it begins.
1:47
"Not guilty"
"Ella, please say something, anything" Dan encourages me but I hadn't breathed a word.
"Please, just please" he gives up and I can hear the tearfulness in his voice.
"Look Ella, it's not over, and like the court said they've put a restraining order on them, they can't touch you-" Hannah begins.
"I want to go home" I cough, my throat was dry and itchy, I had no fight left.
"Ell-"
"Home"
The drive home was agonising, the words and looks exchanged in the court room were still stuck in my mind.
"She wanted it, she showed she was up for sexual activities, it's not the first time she engaged in it with Drew"
"Ella's always been sexually active, she told me about Drew, they were both interested and both consented"
"Her dress said otherwise"
"She was drunk herself, how could she know she had not consented"
"The video was too blurry to conquer any solid evidence, the dress didn't have enough DNA sample to trace it back to Drew"
I felt helpless and at that point all my morals felt lose. I was losing everything and I was so mad, I couldn't tell anyone, how could I? I wanted to scream and shout at Dan and Hannah this was their fault.
I couldn't bare to stand them, not when all I could think about was my humiliation.
How could this have happened. Why must I always be the fool. A dirty fool I was.
And that's what I'll do, I'll be a dirty fool!
"I want to get out" I rattled on the door handle and Dan and Hannah gave me a bizarre look.
"Ella, let's just get home-"
"I said let me fucking out! You both dragged me into this so you listen to me now and let me the fuck out!" I screamed and desperately cling on to the door handle, rattling it uncontrollably.
Dan put the car to a halt, he sighed and unlocked the car.
"Where are you going?" He asks with evident worry.
"Away from you. And her. Just everyone!" I seethe and leave his car with a slam on the door.
I walked and walked and walked until the stars were prominent in the dark sky and the stereotypical "bad guys" were out at night. My phone was ringing endlessly so I decided to switch it off, my cold fingers fumbled and I needed a place for warmth when I felt cuts on my sore cold lips, my skin a thin layer of ice and my eyes watery.
"Hey girl!" A women in fishnet tights calls me, I glance over and decide to carry on walking the dark street. "Don't ignore me" she laughs.
I turn back with a huff only to realise she's walking closer to me.
"How can I help you" I wipe my skin roughly.
"I can help you" she smirks and licks her red painted lips.
"I'm fine thanks" I almost growl and she holds my arms.
"£1000"
"What?" I ask in annoyance pulling myself out of her grip.
"That's how much you'll make in one night girlie, you're pretty, young and that's what they all dig"
"Whoa! I'm not a pros-"
"You don't have to call yourself that"
"What's in it for you?" I scoff feeling a little sorry for this older women who was barely dressed, I imagined that she had to be desperate if she was out here talking to me.
"Nothing, well I'll take a small percentage of whatever you get" she smiles licking those stupid lips again. I scoff and she frowns.
"The offers still there you snobby prude" she quickly defends herself as I start to walk away. I'm stopped in my tracks and I stop thinking logically for a second.
Maybe, just maybe this is what I needed.
After all I'd been through, maybe it was time to show the world the dirty fool I really was.
"Fine" I sigh and she claps her hands.
"What are yo-!" I shriek as she takes my dress and pushes it down my shoulders, my cleavage on show, she then rips my tights and folds my dress up and I stare into the atmosphere awkwardly.
"They like them rough, well the next client does anyways, I assure you, you'll love him"
I smile uncomfortably and try putting this behind my back, I wasn't a filthy or bad person, I just needed something to stop this, stop all the hurting.
A black car pulls up and she squeaks, she walks over to the window exchanging a few words to the man. As she walks back over to me she has a smirk plastered on her face.
"You better keep him happy, he's a rich one" she pats my shoulder and I roll my eyes as I nervously walk to the car.
I practised my approach several times in my head.
I bent down so I was level headed to the dark window.
"Hi, I'm Ella, here to fill your needs" I seductively say.
The window slowly pulls down and my body suddenly jolts and then freezes, my heart stops beating and I think the world stops moving for a moment. I gasp.
"H-harry?"
