One of the Boys

Chapter 14 - Deterioration

"Zoe, can you please stay behind a minute?" Ms Laurentis says to me as everyone files out of the class. I gulp and hold back. Seth smiles at me pleasantly as he leaves with Caleb.

"We'll wait outside, kay?" Eliza says to me as she passes me. I just nod.

Once everyone is out, Ms Laurentis closes the door and turns to me.

"What's happened, Zoe?"

"Excuse me?" I say, completely thrown off. I was expecting an angry reception because of me not having finished the classwork, but she just looks... Sad. And disappointed. Definitely disappointed.

"What's happened to you as a student, Zoe? Last year you were the best in the class, with the best grades, and the one who made the most effort. What's gone wrong? You haven't lost your ability."

"It's just the start of the year." I say quietly. "I should be concentrating more."

"I don't mind because I know you understand, but other teachers have been noticing too, and it's not good, Zoe. You can't let go so easily."

"There've been some changes in my life." I say weakly. "I'm not letting go, I'm just loosening for a couple of weeks. I'll get back into it quickly enough."

"Just make sure you do." She says in a warning tone before shrugging. "Have a nice weekend, Zoe, I guess."

I smile almost gratefully, but there is a horrible sense of impending doom in me. "You too, Ms Laurentis." I leave the room practically dragging my feet, and by the time I reach my locker I feel absolutely terrible about this. Seth is waiting at the locker for me.

"Everything okay?"

"No." I mutter. "But it's fine. I'll live."

"Sure?" He says with a smile and light tone. I ignore him and sigh, taking some books out and slamming my locker shut. I guess I need to study this weekend.

"All of this has changed me, Seth. I've never actually been in trouble with a teacher before. Well, except that time you made me fall asleep in class. Which, before you start laughing, was not funny."

He smiles but doesn't laugh.

"She never liked you anyway."

"Well, she's gone now."

"Do you want me to drive you home?"

"No, I need some time. We can meet tomorrow, perhaps, but not right now."

"We were going to go to the-"

It breaks my heart to answer him again. "I need my time, Seth. Have fun." With that I spin on my heel and stalk away from him, barely conscious of what I'm doing. I just feel so disappointed in myself.

~

I ignore all the calls I get.

I ignore all the texts I get.

I ignore all the voicemails I get.

I even ignore my parents coming up and telling me to come downstairs for dinner.

Perhaps I'm taking this way too seriously, but I've never been told I need to step up like that, and it does not feel good. I don't know why I've let this happen to me, why I've let myself let go so easily.

Looking around my room I simply can't get rid of the impending sense of disappointment. I'm such a failure. I can't even have a life and be a good student.

Look what's happened to me. It's all my own fault for not being able to coordinate my life properly. I've lived like a fucking hermit for so long that look what happens the moment I loosen even slightly. I get told off by probably the teacher who likes me the most.