One of the Boys

Chapter 13 - Into The Woods

We pull over somewhere I don’t recognize and recognize at the same time. It feels familiar, it sounds familiar, it looks familiar, but I can’t pinpoint it at all.

“I know it’s not a typical date or anything, but I just thought it would be a nice place to talk.” I gulp, suddenly realising where we are and why we’re here. Oh wow.

“Seth… This is…”

“Yes.” He says. With no trace of hesitation, I lean up and kiss him.

“You’re amazing.” I whisper, my fingers weaving into his hair at the back. He reaches up, taking my right hand in his.

“Come on, let’s go.” He says. I leave my bag in his motorcycle and follow him into the woods. We’re silent, hand in hand. “I don’t know the exact place, but I thought this would do fine.” He explains as we arrive at a small river, more like a creek, running down between the trees.

“Seth…” I say softly. If he knows his way around here, he’s obviously been before. I feel tears rising to my eyes, but I swallow them back. I won’t cry. I won’t cry. Just because something is finally going right in my life, it doesn’t give me motives to cry.

“Are you okay?” He says, turning to me, touching my cheek gently. I nod, looking down at our feet. He places a hand on my chin softly, lifting my head and pressing his lips to mine.

At first I’m taken aback by him, but I don’t let myself be distracted from the moment. It’s such a stereotypical moment, like something out of a book, like something you hear in songs or something you read in poems.

It’s something I’m getting to truly experience for the first time, and it feels like nothing that’s come before. When we finally break apart, he rests his forehead on mine.

“I love you.” He whispers to me for the first time. This time I realise there is something wet running down my cheek. It’s a tear. I’m crying. I’m crying. I’m crying.

I’m crying.

“Me too.” I whisper, pulling away and throwing my arms around his waist, pressing my head into his chest and letting the tears flow. It was in this forest we first met, for real. It’s here that he told me the first truth, and that he first told me he’d fallen in love with me.

How can someone like him be so sensitive? How can he do this to me, make me cry not from mean words or physical touch, but by a simple act?

“I’m sorry-” He says quietly.

“No, it’s- it’s fine.” I say, rubbing my eyes and looking up at him. I hate crying in front of people, and this isn’t even the first time I’ve broken down in front of Seth like this. He sits down on the floor, pulling me down next to him.

“I just thought it would appropriate to bring you here- to, to say…”

He wanted to bring me here to tell me he loved me. I feel like bursting into tears again.

“You’re amazing.” I say again, leaning my head on his shoulder.

“No, I think you’re amazing. You’re so strong, Zoe, and I admire you for it.” I shake my head and he grabs my wrist in his hand.

“I’m not strong.”

“If you’re not, where are the scars on your wrists? Where?” He demands.

I pull my knees into me as he lets go of my wrist. “Nowhere.” I say. “That doesn’t make me strong.”

“It shows you’ve never even thought of giving up.” He says. “Zoe, let me just tell you something. If I had been in your situation, or anyone else in the whole college, I would have considered suicide. I definitely would have cut.”