Fate (L.H.)

Chapter 9

It's now Friday afternoon, and I was currently laying in bed scrolling through twitter. Wearing black spandex type shorts, a random pink t-shirt, my hair in a bun, and socks. I had no make-up on, but my teeth were brushed because I had been up earlier when I was getting dressed. Anyways, the guys have a lot of fans, and some are starting to pay a lot of attention to me and Luke. I've been seeing a lot of hate towards me and it really bothers me because they don't know me. Hell, I'm not even Luke's girlfriend, and they're telling me horrible things or saying horrible things.

Like, "God, Jacquelyn is so fat, why is Luke even talking to her?"

"Ew, Jacquelyn is disgusting. She needs to die."

"Wtf is Luke doing with her?"

And many other things like that. It really hurts, and I'm not good at ignoring things like this. I let it all get to me and break me down until I'm screaming and crying and wanting to end it all or tear my thighs apart. Thinking I'm not good enough and that no one would care if I was gone. Sighing, I plug in my headphones and go to the song, "Space Enough To Grow" by Of Mice & Men, I love this song so much.

What do you see when you close your eyes?

How do you feel when you see it?

Who is to say that it isn't real?

And why can't we lie to believe it, to believe in something?

Look into the emptiness and step into the cold.

Right between your body and your soul.

Deep inside of all of us there's something left to hold.

Even when we give up all hope, there's space enough to grow.

I know that we are all terminal.

We sail on borrowed time.

It's never about what we leave behind,

It's how we live our lives.

Look into the emptiness and step into the cold.

Right between your body and your soul.

Deep inside of all of us there's something left to hold.

Even when we give up all hope, there's space enough to grow, to grow.

What do you see when you close your eyes?

I lay in bed, tears streaming down my face, listening to the lyrics, trying to think of something left to hold. I mean yeah, sure I have my friends, my family, and Luke. But sometimes I feel like they wouldn't care either, like it would just be easier for them if I wasn't here. There is a chance that they would be sad that I wouldn't be here, maybe they would all miss me, maybe they would be upset. I'm sure they would get over it quickly though, I mean, I'm not really that important at all, I'm just plain old me. There's nothing special about me, so why would it matter.

I saw someone enter my room, I guess I didn't hear them because of my music. I figured it was either one of they boys or Jerika, since my parents were at some hotel gambling for the weekend. I quickly realised it was Luke. Shit, I look like crap and I'm over here in the middle of having a breakdown and the guy I like has to come and see me like this? Ugh, fuck. I paused my music and pulled out my headphones, turning my head towards Luke.

"Jacquelyn, are you ok?!" Luke quickly asked, seeing my tear stained cheeks and red face.

"Um, no not really." I answered trying to wipe away the tears that kept cascading down my face.

"What's wrong?" He asked sitting on my bed, and pulling me into a hug.

"Everything Luke, everything's wrong." I told him, my face in his chest while he rubbed my back.

"Well, why is everything wrong?" Luke asked me, and I pulled back to look him in the eyes.

"I've just been getting a lot of hate on twitter and it's not really helping with my problems and I just I can't do it anymore and I'm just done. I don't want to try anymore Luke, I'm so sick and tired of it all, I just want to relapse." I quickly said, everything sounding jumbled up.

"What do you mean by problems and relapse? And what are the fans saying?" Luke replied, looking me in the eyes with a worried and concerned look on his face. Oh fuck, I forgot he doesn't know.

" Uh, I mean my uh depression, anxiety, paranoia, and that I used to self-harm. And they've been saying some really mean and triggering things to and about me." I answered, looking down feeling ashamed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers together.

"The only person that knew was Jerika, and I didn't want you guys to worry about me. Also, I didn't want you guys to be mad at your fans, I understand why they wouldn't want me with you, it just really hurts." I answered his question, slowly looking up at his face. He reached out and wiped the tears that were continuing to fall down my face with his thumb.

"You mean a lot to us and we could've been helping you all along babe, I think you should tell the others, we care a lot about you and want you to be happy. And as for the fans, I didn't know. I'm sorry. They can be a little bit over-protective, but I didn't know it was this bad. And whatever heir saying isn't true at all, I think you're gorgeous and perfect, what they say doesn't matter. I'll talk to them ok?" Luke told me, running his thumb over my hand that he was holding. My heart was fluttering at the fact that he called me babe. He makes me really happy, ugh.

I smiled and hugged him. "Thank you Luke, thank you for everything. Thank you for making me smile when I didn't want to try. You give me hope, and you make me happier than you can imagine. Thank you." I told him still hugging him.

"No, thank you. Thank you for being part of our lives and being amazing and supporting us. You make me happy and you're the only person I could see myself being with. I know we haven't been on many dates and stuff but, Jacquelyn, would you like to be my girlfriend?" Luke asked nervously, pulling away from the hug so he could see my face, still holding onto my hand.

"Luke, of course, I would love to be your girlfriend." I answered smiling.

We spent the rest of the afternoon laying in bed, listening to all kinds of music and taking really bad selfies. He uploaded one of us, him kissing my check and my smiling really big, looking happier than I have in a while. The caption said, "My new girlfriend Jacquelyn, she makes me really happy:-)". I told him not to post it because my bun looked a mess and I didn't have make up on, but he insisted that he post it because I looked, "Beautiful all the time no matter what I was wearing or what I looked like." Which I didn't agree with but eventually let him post it, his gorgeous blue eyes made me cave in rather quickly. All I know is I've fallen hard for Luke, and all I can hope is he likes me just as much as I like him.

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I got the lyrics to "Space Enough To Grow" by Of Mice & Men, from:

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ofmicemen/spaceenoughtogrow.html

All rights go the respectful owners!

I feel like this one is shorter than the others, but I don't know:/

Anyways, please tell me what you think!

Comment, vote, and share please!

Love you all!