The basement was filled with teenage girls. Jeff kidnapped them all. See, he had a "get rich quick" scheme. Jeff kidnapped a bunch of girls and was holding them for randsom. But, he had no idea where their parents lived, and he kinda just assumed their parents knew who was holding their kids for randsom. He hasn't gotten his randsom money yet... "wait... weren't there 49 more of ya?" Jeff splastered. He kinda fell asleep for a few hours that I was too lazy to count. When Jeff woke, all the girls were gone. "Smile dog! Go get 'em!!!!" Jeff yelled. The defening silence only continued. Jeff got up. Jeff walked upstairs. He walked out of the bathroom. He walked out the living room. He walked outside. He walked. Jeff walked until his feet bled HYPER REALISTICC BLUDD!!! (You tried of it yet?)
Eveentually, and I do mean EVENTUALLY, Jeff reached the nearest grocery store. There he met EYELESS JACKASS. they talked for a bit, and then went their separate ways. No. Pointless no. Useful no. Jeff went into the liquor section. He walked over to the beer part. "Out of stock" the sign said. Jeff had an anurism. He desided to settle for whiskey because wine's too expensive and vodka was sold out. He walked over to the cash reigister. The Cashier was a woman wearing a masqurade mask. She held up the whisky bottle "is this all your getting?" She said in a monotone voice. "Yeah,brah..." Jeff slurped. "Good..." the woman whisoered. She broke the bottle against Jeff's ugly-ass face. Jeff was too drunk to care. He still bled from the shards. The woman pulled off her mask, revealing her self to be JANE THE KILLER?!?!??!!?!?!?! Now, normally, Jeff would've been shocked that Jane was still alive, but he was to drunk to care. But then Jeff suddenly become sober again and started to care a lottle.
"Whazzut? You?!?!?!" Jeff slurpified.
"Yea, brah" Jane mocked.
"Oh, so you've finally caught up with me! You do do realized that that i-" Jeff started.
"This is about taking your mission, Jeff, not revenge!" Jane proclaimed.
"You're after revenge?" Jeff sgocked. "NO! IT'S NOT ABOUT REVENGE, this time, it's about taking what's rightfully mine!" Jane proclaimed. "I SHOULD'VE BEEN THE CREEPYPASTA MASCOT! I SHOULD'VE BEEN DESIRED BY FANS EVERYWHERE! I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE STEALING THIS POSITION FROM YOU!!!" Jane shrieked.
"YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE!!!!!" Jeff screamed at the top of lungs as he held his transformer toy in his hands. Jane stared at Jeff, for approximately 21.333334448284638888 seconds, with a look of both disgust and fear. "NO! Listen to me! Listen CAREFULLY!!! Part 1 involves crippling your farmhouse base so you can only WATCH! AS I RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!" Jane proclaimed.
An explosion was heard from outside. Jeff looked outside and saw that his farm had been blown to smithernies. "MY BUETIFUL FARM!!!!!" Jeff screamed like a little bitch.
"PART TWO IS-" Jane started to proclaim.
"NOOOO! MY BUETIFUL FARM!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Jeff screamed.
"Part two is-" Jane started. "
"NOOOOOOO MY BUETIFUL FARM!!!!!" Jeff screamed.
"PART TWO is-"
"NOOOOO!!!!!"
"PART-"
"NOOOOOO"
"PART-"
"NOOOOO!!!!"
"OK i-"
"NOOOOOOO!!!!" Jeff screamed. "
"OK I'm leaving..." Jane muttered. "But you didn't tell me your plan..." Jeff said. Jane pulled out a knife and stabbed Jeff with it. HYPERREALISTICC BLUDD SPLOCHED EVERWAR. "Oh dear, looks like I forgot to dodge..." Popeye music started to play. Jane was confused. She looked around, but there were no speakers. The manager was too lazy to install a loudspeaker system to play music on, so that could'nt be it. Jane's confusion only grew. Jeff put aprox. 71 cigars in his mouth, mentlegen style. The smoke was out and all over laplace. When the smoke cleared, Jeff, and a magazine on the Cashier counter was gone. Jane took a deep breath, and went back to work. That is, until her manager apperead right behind her. "jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj-JANE!" The manager took a deep breath. "The next time I catch you harassing customers..." he took another deep breath. "YOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEED-UUH!!!!!" The manager yelled. Jane muttered something under her breath. "What was that, you fat-assed bitch?" Mangager said. "UGLY!!!" Jane screamed.
The manager proceeded to angerly vomit out of angery anger.
YOU ARE READING
Trollpasta:Jeff's Boner
Humorwhat? you want to know what this piece of poorly written shit is about? Then read it, for Christ's sake!
