A braindead kid was sitting in a chair. He wore a syrup stained grey hoodie with a blue hood, personally ripped jeans, (they weren't like that originally, he's just too fat for them) Scarlet high heels, DC shoes, a DC shirt underneath his grey striped shurt, DC baseball hat underneath his blue hood, piss lensed goggles, a skull bandana, vampire diaries themed underwear, and he had shit colored hair, watered-down eyes the color of a polluted river. He had a mouth cut into an "original" permanent smile. He had holsters on both sides of his wide hips, both housing 1 blunt axe each, neither of which have ever cut a person in their entire existence, not that they haven't tried) This was TICCI TOBEY?!?!?!?!
A man with no eyes wearing a blue mask came into DA ROOM. It was EYELESS JACKASS?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Except there was something different about him. Instead of a blood and underage cum stained black hoodie, Black Cargo pants, and hyperrealisticc Charlie Brown underwear, Jack was wearing a tuxedo. But there was something different about this suit. It was...CLEAN?!?!?!?!?!
"Hi! Ticci Tobi, is it? My name is Jack Azlebroozleyeless the five hundred and twenty ninth." Jack greeted. Tobi just stared at the wall. "Um, ok...? Anyways, I'm here to review your skills to see if your qualified to work for us." Jack explained.
He pulled out a tin lunchbox from his briefcase. He opened it up. There was a Peanut butter and kidney sandwich with peanuts. Normally it'd just be the kidney for lunch, but Jack's trying to be a little more civalized, now that he has a job. There was also a HYPERREALISTICC BLUDD and cum milkshake, and a cup of "love" filled donuts. Tobi grabbed the cup of donuts and started chugging them down his throat. "WAIT! THOSE ARE FILLED WITH-... Aw, nevermind, you're already eating them..." Jack talked. Awkward silence filled the room for 128.38476677 seconds.
"Absolutely, I'm the boss." Tobi said clearly, even though his mouth was filled with...nevermind...
"Ok, so take us through a day in the life of: the boss..." Jack began. "Well, the first thing I do is:" Tobi started to sing.
"Talk to Clockwork! Liek a baws!
Approve Creepypastas! Liek a baws!
Try to kill a guy! (but fail) liek a baws!
Celebrate my Mom's birthday! Liek a baws!
Direct my axe into a guy's head! Liek a baws!
My own house! Liek a baws!
Slice 'n dice! Liek a baws!
Promote the return of creepypastas! Liek a baws!
Flirt with Clockwork! Liek a baws!
Get rejected! Liek a baws!
Swallow sadness! Liek a baws!
Swing my axe at a tree out of anger, and miss entirely! Liek a baws!
Call a sexline! Liek a baws!
Cry deeply! Liek a baws!
Demand a refund! Liek a baws!
Eat a comfort waffle! Liek a baws!
Another restraining order! Liek a baws!
No sequel! Liek a baws!
Another comfort waffle! Liek a baws!
Shit on Clockwork's house! Liek a baws!
Buy a gun! Liek a baws!
In my mouth! Liek a baws!
"Oh fuck me, I can't fuckin' do it, shiiiiiiiit..."
Pussy out! Liek a baws!
Puke on Clockwork's bed! Liek a baws!
Jump out that window when I realize she's home! Liek a baws!
Suck a dude's dick! Liek a baws!
Score some Coke! Liek a baws!
Crash my car that I shouldn't have because I'm like 13! Liek a baws!
Suck my own dick! liek a baws!
Eat some more comfort waffles! Liek a baws!
Chop my balls off! Liek a baws!
Black out in the sewer! Liek a baws!
Meet the Ratman! Liek a baws!
Fuck his brains out! Liek a baws!
Turn into starscream from transformers! Liek a baws!
Pick up Clockwork! Liek a baws!
Have sex in the sky! Liek a baws!
Crash into the water! (Because not even a fucking jet can hold up my fatass for extended periods of time) liek a baws!
Now I'm dead! Liek a baws!" Tobi sang.
"Uh-huh...so, that's an average day for you?" Jack asked.
"No doubt!" Tobi replied.
"You chop your balls off, and DIE?" Jack asked.
"Hell yeah!" Tobi answered.
"And I think you said something in there about sucking your own dick? (Somehow)" Jack asked.
"Nope." Tobi answered.
"Actually, I'm pretty sure you did..." Jack replied.
"Naw, that ain't me..." Tobi said.
"Ok...well, this has been eye opening..." Jack replied.
"I'm the boss!" Tobi stated.
"Yeah, I know that, you said that 40 million times..." Jack replied.
"I'm the boss!" Tobi stated again.
"Yeah, I got it." Jack said.
"I'm the boss!" Tobi stated again.
"Yeah, great, I heard you..." Jack replied as he packed up his lunch and data, and got up to leave.
THEN, SUDDENLY, OUT OF NOWHERE, JEFF SPRUNG OUT OF NOWHERE AND SHOT TOBEY APROXIMATLEY 79 times in the his flabby torso WITH A M9 DILDO GUN.
Then tobey was kill.
Eyeless Jackass looked(?) in horror at what had just unfolded before him that he didn't even participate in in this particular moment.
Then Jeff had an anurism because he remembered that they were out of beer. Jeff shot in all directions around the entire room. Jack hid underneath the table. As he put his hands over his eyeless head, he noticed that Jeff was wearing Laughing Jack's costume. It had even more blood and cum stains than before. How he noticed this, I have no idea, but I'm too coked out to care, so fuck it. Then I heard, blood and guts sounded everywhere. His scream even sounded exactly like mine. then, the screen faded to black, as some blood-red, HYPERREALISTICC BLUDD RED text came up reading "Those weren't very smooth moves, were they, Jon Joe Jones?"
What?! How did it know my name?! Then, Wario jumped at the screen with a HYPER REALISTICC sounding "WAAAAAAH" before the game shut off. I was so panicked, I took the came out and smashed it into one million pieces. Here's the video for anyone who cares:https://youtu.be/DmkGeaBSDTg Then, in my state of absolute horror, went out and blew up Cuba.
I have been sentenced to 50 years in prison and this is simply my note to all of you, so you don't end up in the same state as me.
NEVER TRUST OLD MEN BEHIND ALLYWAYS WHO LOOK LIKE WARIO!
Oh wait, wrong file... http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/WarioWare_Not_so_Smooth_Mooves
After Jeff fan out of bullets, he slammed chis gun against Tobey's face. After the he got tired, Jeff took out his knife and cut off Tobey's triple chin. "THAT FAT FUCK IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!!!!!!" Screamed Jeff at the TOP OF LUNGS. To be continued...?
FUCK NO! ;)
Jeff caught his breath. "So, HUFF, are you ready? PUFF" Jeff asked. Jack got out from under the table."for what?" Jack asked. "Why, for our latest bank robbery that we are definitely about to commit!" Jeff proclaimed as he reloaded his gun and took 39 swigs of vodka.
YOU ARE READING
Trollpasta:Jeff's Boner
Humorwhat? you want to know what this piece of poorly written shit is about? Then read it, for Christ's sake!
