And then Ben and Jane sexed all the way to her aprartnemnt, where they did it even more on the bed.
The afterglow lasted for 3 hours before they fell alseep.
When Ben woke up, he felt regrettably proud. "Welp, I can't become a vampire, and Unicorns don't want me in the butt..." Ben thought to himself. "But hey, I finally lost my virginity... and I did it with a girl who's hot as fuck, didn't think that would be the case..."
Ben decided to get out of bed. So he did so.
He saw a slip of paper inbetween Jane's cleavge. She was still alseep. Ben pulled the paper out of her "bags". "Oh yes, medic, push my chesr harder!" Jane said in her sleep.
He opened the newspaper. "Hm...I thought that would be big news... A headline above a missing orthonoligcal piece, of the avian vareity..." Ben thought out load.
"What are you talking about?" Sonic.exe asked.
"Oh have you not heard? It was to my assumption that everyone had heard..." Ben replied.
"About what?" Sonic.exe asked.
"No, Sonic, don't-" Tails doll begged, before being cut off by Ben.
"I willa Bird, Bird, Bird, the Bird is the word! I willa bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word! Lost silver, don't you know that the bird is the word? Sally, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE BIRD IS THE WORD!!!!!
I willa bird, bird, bird,the bird is the bird is the word!!!" Ben sang as he wandered through the halls of the apartment complex. "Hey there lady on the toilet!" Ben sang to a lady on a toilet. She screamed. "don't you now about the bird?" Ben askesangliated. "Of course, everybody knows that the bird is the word!" She replied.
"I willa bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word! I willa bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word! Hey there audience! Don't you know the bird is the word? -Weeeeell Benny's gonna tell you that the bird is the word!"
Ben sang. Jane slept through this bullshit somehow...
"Suuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrfiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn biiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrd
Ljdjdidjsjfbejsbddehdsjhsjdiqondbdjwbwd...." Ben ended the song as he fell over. He was pale (somehow) cold (more than usual, in his new form) dead.
Then Ben opened his eyes. "I willa bird, bird, bird, bird th- but that's besides the point..." Ben finished the song.
But that's besides the point...
Ben continued reading the cum stained newspaoer. He read another article. The read headline read "JEFF THE KILLER RETURNS! COMMITS BONER CRIMES!!!!"
"SO THEY LAUGH AT MY BONER, DO THEY?!?!??!!?!" Ben could hear from a long distance away.
It was an article abut how Jeff the killer had returned after a 3 year hiatus, and that he had shifted from serial killing-to bank robberies-t to organized crime. He had brought back organized crime from the 1930s and was prospering off of it. Prospering off of the suffering of others. And this wasn't the Ben from the original Ben drowned creepypasta, no, this was an alternate universe Ben! And he wouldn't stand for this has-been (Jeff) bringing back a kind of crime he wasn't actually originally part of! In fact, he would be pissed off if ANYONE brought the mafia back to America! Ben realized he needed to do SOMETHING! He was so panic. He started running around, flailing his arms around as he did. No one cared because they were all high.
Eventually, Ben crashed into a mirror. In the mirror was his new form. "What would Spiderman do this situation?" Ben thought.
"...I know! Spiderman would beat up that bastard, Jeff, and drop him off at the Police HQ! But...Peter can't beat him up, he doesn't exist in real life..." Ben thought out loud. He looked at himself in the mirror again. "Maybe Spiderman can't beat Jeff to a bloody pulp, but I can! All I'll need is to get Jane to become both a reporter, AND a Police officer, and to make sure that sonuva bitch stays in jail!"
YOU ARE READING
Trollpasta:Jeff's Boner
Humorwhat? you want to know what this piece of poorly written shit is about? Then read it, for Christ's sake!
