I love you..i think

Chapter Ten

(Dami’s P.O.V)

        The rest of the trip went by in a blur. To say I was confused was an understatement. Even though I had told Gbenga how I felt, I still felt like I lied to him because deep down, I still had feelings for Dayo.

It made me feel like I had lied to Gbenga and I didn't want to feel that way. Truth be told, I really wanted to like him, wholeheartedly. Here was a great guy who genuinely liked me and yet I couldn't bring myself to just let it happen.

We talked extensively during the last few days of the our trip and He told me so much. He seemed a lot more at ease and happier too. He told me that he had actually like me for a while and just never had the courage to tell me. He told me about how his friends teased him about me being his girlfriend. He'd even told parents about his interest in me and it was as he told me all this that I fully saw how strong his feelings for me were in comparison to mine for him.

He held my hand the whole flight back home. When he fell asleep, I took my hand away. When he woke up, he took it back. When he offered to get my bags for me, I declined and when he wanted to pay for my share of the cab fee, I wouldn't let him.

As we were walking to our dorms, I walked ahead of him and was lost in my thoughts when I felt his hand on my arm. I stopped abruptly.

"You're scared aren't you." He said.

My eyes were feigned with confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't try to act oblivious Dami. Its obvious. You're scared of this." He gestured to himself.

I hesitated before speaking. "I'm not scared. I just don't know...I don't know how I feel."

"You know how you feel, but you're still too scared to allow yourself to fully feel it. You're gonna tell yourself that its cause you're not over Dayo, but you know thats not the case. You're going to tell me that you don't want to get my hopes up because you don't like me as much as I like you. But its all just a cover up Dami. You don't just don't want to allow yourself feel."

My heart began to beat faster. How did he know exactly how I felt? It was like he was constantly reading my mind. But there was one thing he was wrong about. I really did still have feelings for Dayo, it wasn't just a facade.

But why wouldn't I? He didn't break my heart, he didn't cheat on me. We broke up because we had to. Not because we wanted to. Dayo was a great guy, my first love. He made me feel safe, thinking about him made me happy and I still yearned for him. I longed to smell his old spice aftershave once again. I longed to feel safe with him.

I longed for the comfortable silence that fell between us. I longed for the earnest conversations that we had. When we would talk about our dreams and fears. Those moments were so personal, they felt like a secret between the two of us. I longed for him...I missed him.

I mustered up the courage to speak. "You're wrong though. I still have feelings for him." I hid my face, but not before seeing the frown on Gbenga's face. My heart broke a little inside.

He slowly nodded his head. "Fair enough. I have heard you Dami."

He walked past me and as the distance between us increased, I could do nothing but stare because at that moment, nothing made sense anymore.

I decided to call Dayo that evening. As the phone rang, I felt my nerves build up. I was just about to hang up when I hear that deep voice that I knew all too well.

"Hello?"

"Hey...its me, Dami." There was a long silence on his end.

"Oh," he hesitated, "I was gonna call you soon. Its been awhile."