[Karina]
I've never felt this conflicted.
My heart was telling me one thing.
My mind was telling me another.
I loved Justin. That wasn't a doubt.
But my mind couldn't wrap my head around this situation.
He's married. He's fucking married!
And he's been fucking me.
I've been fucking a married man.
And even though Serena told me that the divorce would be final soon, I can't be anywhere near him.
It may not seem like a big deal, considering they were getting divorced. But the fact he didn't tell me about this still hurts. It's like... I wasn't worthy of knowing, and after that night we shared, I beg to differ.
I literally gave myself to him. I basically let him break down my walls and now I'm slowly trying to put it back up, watching him cry on the other side of it.
It's been a week. Yes. And entire week since that day. I've been staying at my mom's frequently to work on the grand opening which was coming up soon, and I only had a few details left.
After calling the last contacts, I laid on my bed, my teddy in my arms. I've been sleeping a lot lately. It's my escape from the world. I'd rather sleep than take a whole bottle of pills, trying to put me in a permanent sleep.
"Karina?" I hear my mom call.
"In here mom." I say.
She smiles walking into my room. "How you feeling?"
"I'm fine." I huff sitting up.
My mom sigh, patting my lap. "Sweetie... I love having you around, but don't you think you should... Go back to your apartment?"
"What? You haven't enjoyed me here?" I say sarcastically.
"Of course I have. But you can't hide here forever, sweetheart." She says.
"I-I'm n-not h-hiding." I lie.
"Really? Then why are you here? I mean we're done with the planning. And don't say you missed me cause we see each other everyday." She says.
She was right. I am hiding. I'm hiding from him.
"Why don't you just talk to him?"
"Mom... I'm tired okay? I'm so tired of all this."
"Karina Rose Brent... What happened to facing your fears?" She sighs.
"Well Justin is one fear I have conquered yet." I mumble.
"What makes him a fear?"
I huff, not really knowing how to explain it.
"After everything I've been through... With step dad and Bobby... He's the first guy to truly love me. And when I say love I mean love."
"So why are you afraid of him?" She asks.
"Because he has my heart. And whether he knows it or not, he can break it. He can break me. All of me."
[Justin]
"Son... Why don't you go talk to her?" My dad says sitting on his desk.
"She's never home. And besides, she said she needed time, so that's what I'm giving her. Time."
"How much time?" He asks.
I shrug. "As much time as she needs."
After leaving my dad's office, I head back to my cold house. I can't call it home. There's no warmth. There's no love. It's just empty.
I check my phone for any messages hoping she's at least called. But sadly, she hasn't.
It's been a week. A whole week since she's been trying to avoiding me. And it's pure torture.
I miss her. All of her.
Her smile.
Her laugh.
Her touch
The way she looks when she's asleep.
The way she feels wrapped around my cock.
The taste of her against my mouth.
Just thinking about it makes me shiver. I've been taking nothing but cold showers. Every morning I wake up, a sweaty mess from my wet dreams of being with her.
Its like she's my own drug. I can't get enough of her. And not having her for the past week has been hell.
I'm having withdrawals. I can't eat. I can't sleep. Shit, I can't have a decent conversation without thinking about her.
And her mouth. The way she sucked me off was amazing. I had never experienced something like that ever. And I've been dying to feel that again.
So now as I'm staring at my phone, I needed to hear her voice so I did the one thing I promised I wouldn't do.
"Hello?" Her voice says through the phone, causing chills to run up my spine.
"H-hi. I croak out.
"J-Justin... I-" she begins, her voice cracking.
"I-I know I'm suppose to give you time, b-but I just... H-had to hear your voice." I breathe. She was silent. All I could hear was her breathing and even that was turning me on.
"How are you?" I ask after a few seconds.
"I-I'm f-fine." She stammers.
She's lying.
"Karina, you-"
"I know what you're going to say..." She cuts me off.
"And what's that?"
"T-that I don't have to lie to you. And I don't want to hear it."
"Karina, I'm sorry. Okay? I know I should've said something I know, but- just please don't shut me out."
"I'm not... Okay? I just- I-it's the only way I can deal with this."
I sigh in relief. "W-when can I see you again?"
"Well the opening in a few days. So-"
"I-I don't think I can wait that long." I admit.
"Justin... I-I... I can't see you right now. I can't barely stay on the phone with you." She admits.
That broke my heart a little more.
"O-okay. Then I guess I have no other choice, huh?" I chuckle dryly.
"I guess so." She breathes.
"I'm really sorry Karina. Can you please forgive me?"
She sighs deeply. "I already have Justin."
I smile a little.
"I-I love you Karina." I stammer.
"I-I know you do." She says, her voice shaky.
"C-can you say it back?" I ask hopeful.
"N-no. N-not with my w-whole heart." She admits.
"O-okay. I-I understand." I say.
"Um... Well I'm a-a little tired. So, I'm going to got to sleep."
"Okay. Goodnight sweetheart." I say.
"G-goodnight Justin." She mumbles, hanging up the phone.
Right then... I knew I had to fight for her. I hurt her so bad, crushed her heart.
And now I had to fix it.
(A/n: so I'm thinking about putting this on hold. I mean it seems like no one reads it. I'll be writing chapters, but I just won't post them until the story gets noticed. Don't worry. I may just award a chapter to the few readers it has. Love you for reading😘🌺)
