Why can't I do it anymore? Weak minded 10 year-old me could. I just keep eating, sometimes I think I'll never make it. I see all of my prefect skinny friends and it just hurts. I wish my parents never had found out. My eating disorder has oddly been a sort of comfort for me. A sense of control, feeling hungry just makes me feel like I'm on a high. It's an addiction. When I eat I get so anxious, like I can just feel the calories seeping in my skin. I wear baggy clothes to hide the weight loss, I'm pretty sure my friends think I self harm because I'm always wearing sweaters. Well, I guess you can call it self harm.
Random, but I'm glad I've changed from being closed minded. Not necessarily about my eating disorder, but just about life, really. The past ideals I used to believe in have faded away like childhood memories. That nice girl is gone, which is for the best. Being nice is a great attribute, don't get me wrong, but I guess it just doesn't suit me. Nice for me means people walking all over me and sacrificing myself to great extents just so people feel loved. But for me this is wrong. If I'm busy giving others love and helping others, I have no time to accept myself or get help I need. Being nice for so many years of my life has left me with no self-confidence and probably an eating disorder.
