Book: TOGETHER...even in the eye of the hurricane
Author: red_ribbon_
Your book has a good synopsis. Your title is a mouthful but still okay in reference to Judy Blume's two sentence book title "Are you there, God. It's me, Margaret".
The image on your cover is okay but you should try to get someone to help with the writeup on it, in order to make it eye-catching.
Your book started with a smash though it reduced considerably as the chapters progressed. The story had a few typographic errors but that's nothing that editing wouldn't fix. Though it is in the spiritual genre, you should try to translate the Arabic words and phrases used, and also the Hausa phrases in order to carry your readers along.
A few of the dialogues were mixed up. Each speaker's words should start on a different line, so that the readers can easily identify who is talking.
As a reader, I felt that I was enjoying Khadijah's relationship and getting to know her more than the main characters, but either way I still can't wait to see what happens.
Your storyline is great as portrayed by the synopsis, but I felt that your writings veered away from it as you were trying to show your readers the past. You were rushing through the past but at some points you offered too much information and too much story.
What I want to see is the past "come crashing in on them". I want to feel the thrill as the "hurricane" sweeps into their lives, the past having effects on the marriage and how they deal or not deal with it. Is it a vindictive ex or perhaps someone else who is behind the pictures? Either way we should go back the present soon.
It's okay to have sub-plots with other characters in order to spice up the story, but the limelight shouldn't be taken from the main characters.
The review in the paragraph before this can't really be incorporated into the story without scattering everything. It is just for when you begin to write another story.
Overall, you did a good job. It's your first book, so there should be room for improvement. So keep writing, because we learn and improve as we write. Nobody creates a masterpiece at a first try, and at times even second and third tries.
2. frostyella
Together...even in the eye of the hurricane
Book Cover:
Uhm, I think it doesn't complement your storyline. Plus the words are dulled together.
Title:
You can make the *Together* the title and the *in the eye of the hurricane* sub title because being placed side by side makes it hard to want to read the book.
Book itself:
You have the idea but its hard for a person to really understand. Your grammars are good, you just need to space some conversations and create some paragraphs. And again, we need to understand the languages that are not English, if you feel me.
Overall: It's a really great piece just needs editing😋
3. eeesh_
REVIEW:
Together... even in the Eye of the Hurricane.
Your Synopsis is beautiful. But it can be better. To me, where you mentioned the names and ages of their children isn't quite necessary FOR a synopsis. It would have been more appealing without that.
First thing I did, I jumped your 'List of main characters' Started without reading it so as to see IF you have a good character intro. Amd I would say you are great with it.
While your plot is great, you have a rather weird Title. I think if you'd shorten it, it'd be better. You need some work with your cover too. The write up.
Now my biggest TURN OFF in your story is your STYLE OF WRITING. Admittedly it's your first book but it's a big no no. The first chapter was okay. But after we delved into that flashback, it became boring.
Which is why it brought us to this piece of advice when writing.
DON'T TELL. SHOW!
The whole time we felt detached from your book and your characters. We did not connect to them at all. Even the main character. The story telling lacked detail. It just got boring at a point.
TELLING appears like this: 'She dresses indecently.'
SHOWING on the other hand portrays it thus: 'she wore a spaghetti top and a mini skirt'
This way, you let your readers imagine things. You create a picture in their head. You just don't tell them. I wish I could explain better but you get.
All in all your book is a wonderful one! A little fixing and editing and voila! You have a masterpiece.
*Book Review*
The title of the book is not ideal. It's too lengthy for my liking. But really, that's the only flaw I can state. It is a wonderful book. I couldn't stop reading it. You developed an interesting plot and tried your best at executing it. I would have like it better if there was more coordination between the past and present narrations.
There's a bit of a problem with the dialogue write-up and I find myself getting confused as to who is saying what.
All in all, it's a book I look forward to finishing. Good job!
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