Book Club Reviews #ProjectNigeria

REVIEWS

1. Miss_Painite

Book: Down Hearted
Author: Ayshatou__

Your book has a lovely cover, it actually portrays the title of your book. The synopsis which is in form of a dialogue is okay but not professional but it's still interesting enough to make a reader wants to know what will happen in the book.

The storyline is good but your chapters at the beginning were a mess (to be truthful), but this is to be expected since it's your first book. You should try to edit the first few chapters, with appropriate use of capital letters and other punctuations.

The latter chapters were totally different from the beginning chapters, as though written by two different people but that only shows how much you've improved since you began writing. So edit the beginning chapters so they don't put off the readers. The other typographic errors are stuffs that can be fixed by editing when you are through with the book.

I totally loved the way the relationship between Ummi and Al-Amin developed, their youthful promises, his negligence, her still hanging on, even though he was 'busy' with another girl and eventually taking the plunge and dumping him.

Your write up showed Al-Amin as a weak male character, though you might not realise this, if it wasn't what you were trying to achieve. If he is still to be your main male character, then you'll have a whole lot of character development on your hands.

I also liked the way you showed how most people are always ready take advice from other, not bothering to think of the outcome.

You should try to stick to simple English while writing, there were bursts of English words that a reader would have to search for the meaning in a dictionary. Some were in context with the write up and some were not.

I'm writing this like a book critic instead of a review, but that's because your story had me captivated and even more so towards the end. You did superbly for a first time writer, despite all that I wrote above. Believe me, my first book was nothing to write home about. And I believe that with editing and a few tweaks here and there, you would have a masterpiece.

More grease to your elbow. I really can't wait to see how your book ends, you have me tied down. Keep writing 👌👌, you have all the ingredients of a great writer.

👍👍

2. Halima_tafarki

Down hearted.

I really like your cover because it explains the heartache as well as the Love honestly it’s just great.

Introductions are supposed to be in chapter one and a page before introduction should be a prologue. The description was short you didn’t give us more information about them especially Alamin and you rushed them. Meeno and laith weren’t well introduced it made me feel like they were strangers who came out of nowhere.

You used a lot of grammar which slightly made it uninteresting at least you should’ve made them sound like A level students you’re trying to portray plus Contacting an editor would help.

New events weren’t indicated or spaced in a new paragraph like where they drove to NTIC kaduna, There wasn’t any description about NTIC or what it is and out of nowhere a friend popped out without description.

The story didn’t show that lively boarding school activities like hostel checking,Saturday parties and extra lesson classes.

Apart from all this the story is good i think a lot of students might relate themselves to Aysha because what you’ve portrayed is exactly what’s happening now.

3. Freshpaul97

Paul's review on "Down Hearted" by Ayshatou_

Okay, from what I've read, I feel that the book would have been even better if it was a play.

Not all readers are so smart so it can be a little difficult to keep track of what's going on when too many people are talking at once.

Yes, you did a little introduction with your characters, but you didn't make us see your characters for who they really are at first. You didn't make us understand your characters.

So, I think you need to work on your first few chapters. You have to read your characters' mind and let us know what they are thinking.

We also need to know how they look like. Your descriptions! tell us about the environment. what is going on around your characters, help us paint a picture.

Having said all I found wrong, I should say this, Your writing is close to flawless. Your Cover is amazing, seriously!

You also have a really nice description.

I didn't see anything wrong with your punctuations.

All in all, good job!
at least, its your first book. A little more practice and people would be asking for your authograph.

Its not as if me I'm perfect oo..Lol..Everybody is learning.

Paul's

4. eeesh_

Down Hearted:

{I've only read the first 10 chapters so I'm basing my review based on that}

First and foremost, I would like to commend you for such a beautiful work. For your deligence anf hardwork, for not abandoning your first work. Because, I tell you what. It's not easy. It needs resilence.

Cover: You have got a cover that is extraordinary! It's mind gripping, the definition of Art. It makes one wants to read your book. It's beautiful.

Plot: I must admit that I'm not particularly impressed with your plot. The story-line is almost cliché, easily predictable. And the story description is not helping either. It looks too long to me. It makes one bored. To this regard, It would be better if you correct the blurb since the story line cannot be changed. Write something up there that someone would like to read.

Setting: Your setting is okay, perfect even! NTIC right? Though a lot of us know the full meaning, it would add vibrance to your story if you write full meanings of Acronymns.

Characterization: Having a lot of characters in your book, considering the fact that it has to do with a boarding school, and family members, you have created such realistic characters. Your description of them with their respective surnames is commendable.

However, your readers are not entirely connected to your characters! At least the main characters. They seem so distant from us. We need to know who the brooding one is, the funny one, the feisty one, etc. Up until chapter five or thereabout, I felt no connection with Ummi, your main character. You're supposed to describe her in such a way that it will create a picture of her in our head. What are her hobbies? What does she like and don't like? Etc. These things.

What do your characters seek to achive? Their purposes? It shouldn't just revolve around love and heartbreak, if you ask me.

I have a problem with your use of tenses. You mismatch present and past tenses. Your readers would be confused as to whether the story is happening right now, or it has happened and you, the writer, is narrating it to us.

And most importantly, my biggest turn off in your story is your method of writing. The story almost looks like a play, a conversation between your characters. There is no detail in-between those conversations. It almost seem like quoted words of your characters. There's no need to tell or quote everything your characters say. It gets boring. You are the writer so you should Show your readers what it is that your characters are doing, are up to. It should be 60% detailed narrative and 40% dialogue/conversation.

Don't write phone conversations like you would a whatsapp chat. Since people are talking, there should be emotions attached, body movements, etc. Don't make it seem like the people are robots.

As for typographical and grammatical errors, there's nothing good editing won't do.

Great great work, dear. More power to you!