Book Club Reviews #ProjectNigeria

REVIEWS

1. timibankole

*The Runaways*

Okay. Your cover. It's functional, can be used. But the "cover by africanliterature" watermark, attracts attention. Undue attention. I recommend you remove it or make a new, more aesthetic cover.

Your blurb is a bit too simplistic. A blurb ought to capture attention, the reader should be interested in your story. I recommend that you add a few details about your protagonists. You don't have to reveal too much information but you can tease your readers with something intriguing.

Chapter 1: There is absolutely no need for such a large space between your title and your first paragraph. Neither is there a need for the above described space before your Author's note.

Your first paragraph... is incomplete. You started a thought process without seeing it through to the end, thus the reader is left on a cliffhanger. I feel it can be constructed in a better way. I don't want to give an example because it's your book but you can do it better.

From the first few sentences, I detect your perspective to be an omniscient third-person narrator. This means, that you are writing as a narrator, who can see the minds of any of the characters in the story. The sentences you italicised appear to be the thoughts of the character. My issue is, your pronoun use. For some sentences, you use 'she', for others you use 'I' so it's difficult to confirm who's thoughts are being read, whether it's the narrator or the character.

Your vocabulary looks a bit caged. I noticed you used the phrase, "she hoped", an inordinate number of times. This confirms to me that your use of perspective is purely coincidental.

Your grammar errors are, well, they're there. Your comma use is confused, you use commas where they aren't really necessary and you don't use commas where they're absolutely vital. For example, "Seeing as she had everything laid down...into her *grey small* travelling bag" needs a comma in between grey and small, "Zara had a father...and her *mother probably* angry from lack of...her *father always* made life..." requires commas in between the highlighted words.

*"And that was why she decided to" runaway"*

Runaway is a noun. Therefore, it cannot be used as a verb, if you need a verb then use "run away".

These are just a few I highlighted for your viewing pleasure. I recommend regular proof-reading to spot and fix those bugs.

2. DariaOj

Review of the book "The Runaways" by Siriuslystyling

The book cover is okay, though it will be better to give credit to the cover maker on your story description, after your summary.

The story description is vague and thus, not so catchy.

A lot of sentences where italicized and it's a little confusing especially because it comes in both the first and third person narrative.

There were lots of misuse and lack of punctuations.

Geography: The movie is set in Nigeria, you made mention of summer. Summer is not identified as a season in Nigeria.

The story should be more descriptive; highlight the body language of the characters, they're reaction to their surroundings and also what certain things look like. It will help your readers create a mental image of the setting.
Going deeper into the descriptions will also help readers be more empathetic towards the characters. This can be seen in the description of the instability of her home, I didn't see her parents as bad as you probably intended to make them seem.

I really do like the concept of the story and I can't wait to read more chapters.

Keep Writing 👍