Forever Losers

Chapter 13: The Truth About Escaping

I wake up, with slick and sweat on my body. As my eyes fluttered open, I felt a little light headed. With pounds of blood rushing through the insides of my brain. Possibly from the hangover that I had just received. But that wasn't the only thing I woke up to.

I realized that I was not in my own bed. But I was laying besides Scotch. My head on his shoulders, naked under the covers. I looked to him. He looked so peaceful. His head nuzzled on the other side, eyes closed. Snoring quietly. I smiled to him.

Last night was something amazing. And something that I will claim for my first time. Because my first time was something that I did not want to remember. It was a slow rhythmic pattern, with passion building between both of our hearts. My body bursting and burning heavily with something more than just sex. As I let him take me, he kept whispering into my ear the three words that I always feared. But with him saying it, it's as if he managed to break down that last piece of brick that was hiding my body inside my walls. And the way he kissed me, and constantly looked into my eyes, showed something sincere. Something that told truth. Something that showed love.

Perhaps he did show love. He devoured my body for his own. It was perhaps the quietest moment we've ever had. It did not hurt as much as it should have. The whole process was calm, and precise. It did not end so quickly or so slowly. It ended at the right time. And when he was done, we lay sideways, where he was pecking little trails of kisses down my neck. He did not fear my scars, but he just laid his lips on them for quite a while.

Just months ago, I would've never let him or anyone touch my body ever. But, the way he showed me out of the darkness finally gave me peace to myself. I no longer felt the weakness that I use to drag around my life. Once he showed me light, I let him take me whole. Months ago, I would've pushed him away, because I was tired and weak. Not any more.

After another minute of silence to myself, I got up, put on my clothes and decided that I needed to eat. I walked out of his bedroom, pain shooting a little underneath. I closed the door very quietly, and walked downstairs to the kitchen.

When I got to the kitchen, I decided to make myself some cereal. I put out myself some cheerios, poured some milk, and walked over to the couch. Where I plugged my headphones into my ears and blasted the music from my mp3 player.

The song that sung into my ears was I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore. By: Reo Speedwagon. The song that me and Scotch had danced to last night. Which made my tummy flutter when I heard it. I couldn't fight the smile that had crept into my face. I constantly replayed the song, knowing that he dedicated this song to me. And each time I listened to it, the deeper I understood the meaning of the lyrics, the more I understood why it was our song. I closed my eyes, put my cereal on the table, and laid down on the couch. Then I closed my eyes, while listening to the song. I remember his warm touch when he pulled my back closer to his chest, wrapping me into his arms. The smell of his cologne, the beating of his pulse. It had me wondering, that maybe I was becoming delusional in love.

After a I fell into a blackout, I suddenly felt a weight shifting in front of me on the couch. Heavy and thick. I fluttered my eyes open, and took a peak. Scotch was sitting in front of me, his back bent, and his hands covering his face. He wore a green t-shirt that matched the color of his eyes, and a pair of dark blue jeans. His hair messed up as if he didn't bother to comb it. Then it suddenly occurred to me, that with his whole posture, the way he was quiet, he must've been upset. My stomach began to drop. Perhaps he regretted everything. I scratched that feeling out of my head. Impossible. I should be able to trust him. No more of the insecure weak Valerie Jane.

I placed on a plastic smile and moved my body, so my arms could wrap around his waist. It catches him off guard, and he removes his hands from his face, facing me. I smiled and closed my eyes. Today felt like a lazy day, and so it should be one. As my eyes had closed, I felt his weight shift on top of me, grabbing both of my arms and pinning me down. I laughed as my eyes were still shut.